^{Alright, I just realized exactly how horrible that first one was, so, updated:}

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Physical Appearance: At first glance, Andrew happens to be nothing out of the ordinary. He’s a bit on the short side—in fact, if nothing else works, ‘midget’ could possibly describe him quite well. He is, without a doubt, the shortest third year boy at Hogwarts—barely at four feet nine inches, and scrawny to boot. Everything about him (aside from his head) is quite small—small hands (with long fingers) and feet, and thin arms and legs. His legs are quite disproportionably long compared to his torso, but he is, in fact, short enough that no one will really notice. Most of the time, he has to look up at other people to speak to them. Unfortunately, seeing as he likes to keep his eyes staring at the ground, this poses as a bit of a problem. The only solution he has is to not speak that much.

His face still has its childish roundness. He is ghastly pale, and no amount of sun seems to change that, but he tends to blush too much, so that his face is always red when it’s not ghastly pale. He has very soft cheeks, and not prominent cheekbones, so he would never grow to be the ‘arrogant, aristocratic’ type. Aside from that, Andrew has very large blue eyes. They aren’t unnaturally large, but they give off the impression that to him, everything is either extremely funny or quite surprising. He has a small nose, and thin lips that make every smile look mocking. His most common expression is a neutral sort of look that makes him look owlish. He suspects that the expression got him into Ravenclaw sometimes, because he hasn’t exhibited any other signs of extreme intelligence aside from Arithmancy.

Andrew does tend to mumble a lot, as if he doesn’t want anyone to hear what he’s been saying. The truth is that most of the time, he has no idea what to say, and mumbling gives him a sort of ‘safety’ shell—if people ask him what he just said, he can either reply with a ‘nothing’ or clarify, depending on the situation. When he mumbles he fingers the hem of his shirt and picks at nonexistent specks under his nails. Unless he is completely at ease, he will never face someone head-on or look them in the eye. He emits a sort of timid aura at all times, partly because he is really shy, but also partly because he doesn’t feel comfortable when he’s too close to others. He gives off the appearance of being a sort of mouse.

His hair is blond—almost white in the sunlight. It’s an average length; not too long but not really short enough that his head feels almost bare. Two or three thin curls always hang on his forehead, refusing to stay in its place; the side flips out slightly like the wings of a bird. Andrew, like most other boys, could care less about his hair, so that in the morning he brushes it enough to get rid of any tangles, and leaves it to its own fate for the rest of the day. During formal events, no amount of gel or magic can straighten it out, so it’s always in the same style—slightly messy and quite adorable. It doesn’t bother him when people try to touch his hair any more than it bothers him when girls try to hug him (which is quite annoying, actually)…he doesn’t like physical contact.

Speaking of adorable, ‘cute’ is a word that often springs to mind when people describe him (other than midget). The boy doesn’t find himself particularly ‘cute’ or ‘huggable’, but he has an inferiority complex that will probably stay with him for the rest of his life that would have to be cursed out of him to make him see otherwise.

Personality: So, the first thing most people notice when they see Andrew is shy. He is horrendously shy and quiet, he mumbles, and he hates making eye contact. However, he has several different personalities, although a few of them have yet to make an appearance. The most common one is the shy one. In this state of being Andrew is quiet (silent, actually) and almost ghost-like. He is most often found out of doors and or at the library. He is an avid reader and always wanting to learn new things. In his shy state of being, he speaks little, refuses to try new things, and acts basically like a robot. When people approach him, he makes one-word answers, and runs off as soon as possible. When he meets new people, he never sounds sure of his own name when he introduces himself. People who don’t know him generally call him “weird”; people who do know him…well, that’s what his other personalities are for, right?

He is very sensitive and perceptive. Unlike the typical hot-headed Gryffindor, he will think everything through, making sure not to hurt anyone or say something that would make himself look like an idiot. Sometimes this delays his response, but in his time at Hogwarts, he has figured out a way to distract people while thinking of something to say. In his case, it happens to be staring pointedly at the ground and saying “erm” in a nervous fidgety manner. Andrew’s feelings get hurt easily, although he tries not to show it. He wants to put his trust in someone completely, but he is also afraid that people will just ‘use’ him and not see him as a person. In fact, for the first five or so years of his life, he wasn’t seen as a person…more like a replacement. The thought didn’t make him bitter, but it has created a lot of loneliness and caution in him that shouldn’t be there.

Unfortunately, he does tend to assume things that aren’t necessarily true. Even though he is a Ravenclaw, the one thing that might have caused him to get sorted into that house is his thirst for knowledge. He is actually very innocent and naïve, and he really doesn’t know much about the world. His method of dealing with different situation can be drastically different from other people’s methods—for example, if he breaks his arm, most likely he will just sit there trying to figure out how exactly he broke it instead of running for the Hospital Wing or bursting into tears. This causes people to brand him as “weird”. However, children are unpredictable, and he has also been known to say painful truths in such a practical tone that people also wonder if his brain is working the right way.

Contrary to popular thought, Andrew’s main emotion at all times is curiosity. This is the product of shutting himself up in his room for about five years straight, only coming out to greet the occasional guest before retreating back inside to brood over his life. He had never thought about coming out of his room, really, until that letter from Hogwarts—and it changed his life. Hogwarts was an entire different world to the boy, and it was like reading picture books after having been blind all your life. Of course, Andrew had been staring at the blank wall most of his life…and the difference wasn’t that huge. Everything about this new, alien world was strange, in a good way. He wants to know everything—what is magic? What is happiness, what is sadness, what is pride and humility? He is constantly learning, and his thirst for knowledge grows at the same rate that he drinks it.

The Ravenclaw is not coordinated very well on land—he trips over a speck of dust, and he fumbles when turning the pages of a book. It’s amazing how he trips over everything—he has taken countless tumbles down the steep flights of stairs at Hogwarts, and has been found lying sprawled on the floor in the doorway to class. Perhaps that is why he is unnaturally gifted at Quidditch. Flying is something Andrew loves with a passion, and also one of the few reasons he doesn’t regret being sorted in Ravenclaw. The common room really feels like he’s living as close to the sky as anyone can get. His room is stacked full of Quidditch magazines, and during the summer he takes his broom out to go flying nearly every day. Countless posters are stuck on the wall in his dorm, one over another. If there is nothing else left in the world, he knows that he can have a broomstick and stay happy.

There is one more personality (well, more like facet) of Andrew to be told of. This one hasn’t appeared at all, but it’s there, deep within him, waiting for an opportunity. This facet is fierce. It is unpredictable and violent, irrational and angry. Born from all those years that he has spent brooding in his room, it started out as just a small doubt, but soon grew to be something…scary. It is dark and immoral—of course, this is a hypothetical one, but at times in his life Andrew has felt irrationally angry, and that was the effect of this “black” personality. As of now no trouble has come to Andrew, but bottling up emotions never has a good effect on anyone, and with him it won’t be any different. Who knows, he might turn out to be just fine.

Character Background: ( same here )

^{if anyone wants to look over this, I’d love you forever! ^^;}

REVISED APPEARANCE AND PERSONALITY BACKSTORY WIP
-----------------------july 2

Appearance: Andrew is a scrawny scrap of a thirteen-year-old. He is bone-thin, lacking the muscles of a Quidditch player and the roundness of a child. Only his head seems unaffected by this--his face is still baby-round, with a pointy chin. He stands at almost five feet tall and is characterized by his customary stare at the ground beneath his feet. His body is mostly of average proportions, except for his head which seems to be too big on his shoulders. He has fingers that are too long, sticks that pass for legs, and knobby knees. Never in his life was he ever satisfied with his own appearance, and he probably never will be.

Most clothes don't fit him at all, so he doesn't bother with looking for the right ones. A peculiarity of his is that he is mostly unaffected by the weather. In a blizzard he would be numb to the cold and wear only a sweater--in blazing summer heat he would be able to wear the same and not feel anything different. Supposedly, when he was a child, this was how his parents found out he had magic. He likes to wear blue, not so much because he loves Ravenclaw, but more because most of his clothes are the same color as his eyes--which, if you haven't deduced, are blue. Sneakers in any weather suit him just fine, as well as jeans or khakis when he isn't swamped in his school robes. In fact, his Hogwarts robes nearly drown him during the school day, and he is always modifying it, but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of that yet.

His skin is the softest of soft, and paler than a ghost's. During his early childhood he rarely saw sunlight, so he tends to have the appearance of just recovering from a long illness. In recent years his complexion has improved slightly...but only slightly. Perhaps in years to come he might even end up looking like a normal child--a small possibility, but one nevertheless. His face is round, except for a thin, pointy chin. He has an impish smile and eyebrows that can do the wave. Andrew's eyes are the cleanest of blues, but they usually lack the sparkle of people his age and are dulled. His nose is thin and pointed, and his mouth is too pink in his face--and his lips are so thin that they might as well not exist.

His hair is light brown. It's quite long, and messy enough to give his mother a headache. Being someone who doesn't worry too much about appearances, Andrew leaves his hair alone. He stays away from gel and dyes--and potions that change his hair color according to mood. The only time he'll think about his hair is when he gets a haircut. Since he plays a lot of Quidditch, twigs tend to get stuck in his hair--twigs, dry leaves, bits of grass, etc. Generally, aside from him pallor, Andrew is a normal scrawny boy thrust into his teens without quite realizing it.

Personality: Who is the clumsiest boy at Hogwarts? Doubtless, the honor would go to Andrew here, who trips over everything, from rocks to blades of grass to thin air. His fingers, though long and slender, are clumsy; his feet are the bane of his existence. Perhaps for this reason he is quite taken with Quidditch--indeed, he is unusually good at it for a boy his age. He certainly won't be a match for an older, seasoned athlete, but he is able to hold his own on the pitch. Quidditch is his passion, and one of the driving forces that keep him going. The walls of his dorm are covered with Quidditch posters (mostly of the Arrows, his favorite team) and the space under his bed is occupied by stacks of slightly dusty chronicles of the game.

Aside from Quidditch, he loves to read. Most of his time indoors is spent inside the great library of Hogwarts, where he likes to bury his nose in various types of books. Recently he's taken a liking to the Restricted section, and he's gotten very good at sneaking off there when no one is paying attention. Most of his reading, though, is centered on the history of the wizarding world--historical fiction being his favorite genre--and stories about Muggles. He finds Muggles to be a very interesting subject, but he prefers to learn about both Muggle life and History of Magic on his own time. Anything, in his mind, is better than the drone of the boring professors who teach both.

Andrew tends to have a shorter attention span than most Ravenclaws, hence the reason he can't focus in class. Even so, he manages to maintain Ravenclaw-level grades due to the time he spends reading outside of the classroom. He is very curious, having been, for lack of a better word, sheltered as a younger child. Sometimes he ponders why he ended up in Ravenclaw, lacking most of the traditional traits of the house--level-headedness, cunning, competition, among others--and his conclusion is that his thirst for knowledge is stronger than all of his other traits.

Although generally a mild-mannered, calm person, he is very flustered when he causes a commotion. This happens when he trips over things--his face burns scarlet; he apologizes until he runs out of breath. In fact, when he isn't happily wondering around in his own air-headed world, he's staring at the carpet, face smoking, apologies streaming out of his mouth. Most people at Hogwarts give him a wide berth because they don't have the time to deal with him and his liking for laying the blame on himself. Actually, Andrew just has very low self-esteem, instead of the calm self-assurance so closely associated with Ravenclaw. Sometimes it comes off as pitiful; most of the time, it's just annoying.

One thing about him is dangerous, though: when his temper finally ignites, he is possibly fatal to everyone around him. Of course, he can't actually kill people, but when he's angry he tends to throw around some nasty hexes at whoever is within firing range. It takes a lot--a lot--to make Andrew really angry, but it also takes a lot to calm him down. He doesn't like getting mad, for obvious reasons, so his temper rarely ever flares up even if people repeatedly bash him on the head with a rock. No one really knows what makes him so angry. He doesn't really know himself. However, the silver lining is that he's unlikely to develop in a bad way!

Backstory: under massive revamp

Appearance: Andrew is a scrawny scrap of a thirteen-year-old. He is bone-thin, lacking the muscles of a Quidditch player and the roundness of a child. Only his head seems unaffected by this--his face is still baby-round, with a pointy chin. He stands at almost five feet tall and is characterized by his customary stare at the ground beneath his feet. His body is mostly of average proportions, except for his head which seems to be too big on his shoulders. He has fingers that are too long, sticks that pass for legs, and knobby knees. Never in his life was he ever satisfied with his own appearance, and he probably never will be. Overall, a nice paragraph. In the first sentence you say he lacks the roundness of a child but then in the second mentions he still has a round, baby face. When I first read roundness of a child I immediately thought of the face so it threw me for a loop, but that just might be me. Going off of that, when you say baby-round do you mean round in the baby fat sense or that his head is just very circular and doesn’t seem to have the matured, distinct features. I hope that made sense. Also, I’d like to see expansion of each of the body sections. My advice is start your own body and go from head to toe. I think it also makes it an easier read for people because they can visualize that one area better instead of thinking about the head then going to the legs then back up for the hair, but that’s a personal preference. It’ll also help you think about what you’re missing: forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheeks, ears... so on and so forth. Basically, use your own body as a checklist. Another place I’d like to see another sentence or two, and this could arguably fit better in personality but I’d say stick it in here, is the last sentence about him not liking his body. Why? Sure, he’s pretty scrappy and odd but what it is specifically that he’s uncomfortable. Most people have a weakness, something that they are really physically self-conscious about above the rest of the body.

Most clothes don't fit him at all, so he doesn't bother with looking for the right ones How do his clothes fit him? Why don’t they fit? Is it his big head? Is he too short for his pants? Especially since you mentioned sentence four of paragraph one that he is averagely proportionate aside from his head and to mean average means his clothes should fit. Also, what kind of clothes does he end up wearing? Do all of his cltohes have to come custom made? Does he wear them big and drown in them or does he wear them short and show an inch of sock?. A peculiarity of his is that he is mostly unaffected by the weather. In a blizzard he would be numb to the cold and wear only a sweater--in blazing summer heat he would be able to wear the same and not feel anything different. Supposedly, when he was a child, this was how his parents found out he had magic.I do that.... does that mean I’m magic?! Sorry, that has nothing to do with anything. I just really want to be magical. He likes to wear blue, not so much because he loves Ravenclaw, but more because most of his clothes are the same color as his eyes--which, if you haven't deduced, are blue. *chuckle* Sneakers in any weather suit him just fine, as well as jeans or khakis when he isn't swamped in his school robes. In fact, his Hogwarts robes nearly drown him during the school day, and he is always modifying it, but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of that yet. Again, I really have little to say other than expand. What he wears is a statement of who he is. Aside from clothes, does he have any accessories he always has? A special bookbag, a favorite tie, a hidden tattoo ;). Flow-wise, something from the unaffected by weather statement to the end isn’t sitting well with me. I’d prefer that the sneakers comment and following sentences not be so separated from the initial “weather does not dictate what he wears” idea. But I do like the comments in between so I’m not saying chuck them. Just to experiment, move things around. Maybe mention first off that his parents suspected something when his outfits did not seem to change witht he varying weather and then go into the always wearing sweaters and sneakers and such. Again, I like what you have. Just expand..

His skin is the softest of soft, and paler than a ghost's. During his early childhood he rarely saw sunlight, so he tends to have the appearance of just recovering from a long illness. Ew, why? Def have that in the history if it isn’t already when you get around to revising that part because I’m curious.. In recent years his complexion has improved slightly...but only slightly. Improved from what? What did his acne used to be like? Complete craterface or just moderate breakouts here and there... how often, how bad and how is it different now. Perhaps in years to come he might even end up looking like a normal child--a small possibility, but one nevertheless. His face is round, except for a thin, pointy chin. Repeated from the first paragraph, I personally say chuck the previous sentence since we already know. He has an impish smile and eyebrows that can do the wave. Andrew's eyes are the cleanest of blues, but they usually lack the sparkle of people his age and are dulled. I don’t like the dulled. Maybe if instead of ‘and are’ you used ‘but instead appear dull’ but I don’t know. I feel like the lack the sparkle was sufficient. His nose is thin and pointed, and his mouth is too pink in his face--and his lips are so thin that they might as well not exist. Again, with flow. I personally like to see all the areas kept together so I’d like this better up where you first went into detail about the shape of his head.

His hair is light brown. It's quite long, and messy enough to give his mother a headache. Being someone who doesn't worry too much about appearances, Andrew leaves his hair alone. Entirely alone? Like just rolls out of bed alone? Or just combs it out hastily and is done? Is it messy? Does his mom do his hair in any way? I got the sense that if it gives her a headache she must cut it for him or something.. He stays away from gel and dyes--and potions that change his hair color according to mood. Why? Is it because he thinks it’s shallow? Is he afraid what his hair color might betray about his mood?. The only time he'll think about his hair is when he gets a haircut. Since he plays a lot of Quidditch, twigs tend to get stuck in his hair--twigs, dry leaves, bits of grass, etc. Generally, aside from him pallor, Andrew is a normal scrawny boy thrust into his teens without quite realizing it.

Personality: Who is the clumsiest boy at Hogwarts? Doubtless, the honor would go to Andrew here, who trips over everything, from rocks to blades of grass to thin air. Part of me would like to see this into two sentences.. His fingers, though long and slender, are clumsy; his feet are the bane of his existence. Perhaps for this reason he is quite taken with Quidditch--indeed, he is unusually good at it for a boy his age. And despite his build, you can through that in there if you want. He certainly won't be a match for an older, seasoned athlete, but he is able to hold his own on the pitch. Quidditch is his passion, and one of the driving forces that keep him going. The walls of his dorm are covered with Quidditch posters (mostly of the Arrows, his favorite team) and the space under his bed is occupied by stacks of slightly dusty chronicles of the game. What’s his favorite position? How did he get into Quidditch? Is it natural talent or the result of lots of hardwork?

Aside from Quidditch, he loves to read. Most of his time indoors is spent inside the great library of Hogwarts, where he likes to bury his nose in various types of books. Recently he's taken a liking to the Restricted section, and he's gotten very good at sneaking off there when no one is paying attention. Most of his reading, though, is centered on the history of the wizarding world--historical fiction being his favorite genre--and stories about Muggles. He finds Muggles to be a very interesting subject, but he prefers to learn about both Muggle life and History of Magic on his own time. Anything, in his mind, is better than the drone of the boring professors who teach both. Is there a deep-rooted psychological reason that he enjoys reading? Lol, sorry. Would he rather read or hand out with people? Is he introverted? Would he rather read or play Quidditch?.

Andrew tends to have a shorter attention span than most Ravenclaws, hence the reason he can't focus in class. How short? 3 second goldfish short? Why? Is it because he has high anxiety and can’t focus because he’s stressed? Is he just really hyper and can’t sit still? Is he a daydreamer? In what way is he not focusing? Even so, he manages to maintain Ravenclaw-level grades due to the time he spends reading outside of the classroom. He is very curious, having been, for lack of a better word, sheltered as a younger child. Sometimes he ponders why he ended up in Ravenclaw, lacking most of the traditional traits of the house--level-headedness, cunning, competition, among others--and his conclusion is that his thirst for knowledge is stronger than all of his other traits.

Although generally a mild-mannered, calm person, he is very flustered when he causes a commotion. This happens when he trips over things--his face burns scarlet; he apologizes until he runs out of breath. In fact, when he isn't happily wondering around in his own air-headed world, he's staring at the carpet, face smoking, apologies streaming out of his mouth. Most people at Hogwarts give him a wide berth because they don't have the time to deal with him and his liking for laying the blame on himself. Actually, Andrew just has very low self-esteem, instead of the calm self-assurance so closely associated with Ravenclaw. Sometimes it comes off as pitiful; most of the time, it's just annoying. Don’t have much to say here. Other than whether or not you want to go into his flustered reactions with the classic ears burning, thumb twiddling, rocking back and forth... stereotypical behavior. Also, where does his insecurity come from? People are insecure for a reason. And what is he most unsure of himself for? His looks, his personality, the whole package? Is it because his parents are too hard on him? Because he gets picked on a lot in school?

One thing about him is dangerous, though: when his temper finally ignites, he is possibly fatal to everyone around him. Of course, he can't actually kill people, but when he's angry he tends to throw around some nasty hexes at whoever is within firing range. Only issue is the use of fatal. Fatal = deadly so if he’s not actually killing anybody I’d go with a different adjective. I can’t think of one off the top of my head... sorry >.< It takes a lot--a lot--to make Andrew really angry, but it also takes a lot to calm him down. He doesn't like getting mad, for obvious reasons, so his temper rarely ever flares up even if people repeatedly bash him on the head with a rock. No one really knows what makes him so angry. He doesn't really know himself. However, the silver lining is that he's unlikely to develop in a bad way! But what are some circumstances when his temper has flared? Has he ever done something during such times that he really regrets? Maybe is the reason why he gets flustered when he is clumsy and bumps into people? Because he might be afraid it will lead to something where he can’t control his anger? Also, what does it take to calm him down. You say a lot, but it is something he has to do alone or does he need a friend? What is his outlet? Or is it just that his rage burns for so long it eventually fizzles?

All in all, I really do like what you have. I like the kind of cheeky, funny undertone of the whole thing. All I have to say is just keep expanding, adding as you learn more about the person you want to be. For appearance, do the down your body checklist. For personality, put Andrew on the imaginary therapist chair. My only issue there is you run into what should be in the history section versus personality. I’ve always struggled with that. But overall, very nice ^^ Hope I helped, my brain is still on the fritz

I know you want us to tear apart the history, but ... Lily, that is one of the best damn histories I've read in a while! It was so sad, and yet really happy. I want him to continue to hear Mikey ... but I can imagine why he wouldn't want to. What I would suggest is to expand a little bit more on Andrew and Michael's relationship with each other - you've done well explaining how he felt jealous of him, and ignored by his parents, but there isn't a lot explained about their relationship with each other. Other than that, you have a very detailed History here, miss. I'm impressed ^_^

Now, for the rest of your profile. My edits will be in the big, bold, pen of slytherin. Mmkay?

¹ What do you mean by "doll-like?" Explain.
² I don't really understand this statement. Only his head seems unaffected by what? The fact that he doesn't have quidditch muscles or roundness of a child? So his head is muscular and round? O.o
³ The "—" doesn't really make sense in this sentence. I think you should change it to something like this:

"... or watching his feet, which causes bad posture to stick to him like a permanent sticking charm."

Nice metaphor, by the way!
⁴ Once again, I would replace the "—" with the word "but." Don't use too many of those—it can get confusing real easily.

¹ I would change the first sentence. I don't like the "to start at the top" part too much. Don't know why -shrug-
² Lily. Stop using "—" too much. xD Most of the time, you can connect the two sentences with a word. Usually, a "—" is used to add something as more of an afterthought, or a side note. For example:

Evan walked down the stairs, being sure to skip the second step — he had fallen through it once before, and never wanted to repeat it — before he came to a halt at the bottom of the flight.

It was used in that case to add more of a side note, or to give the reader a glimpse into why he skipped the step. So if you're going to use this, you'd have to change it to something along the lines of this:

He stays away from gel, hair dyes, and colour-changing potions — he tried the latter once before, only to have the solution turn his locks a perpetual shade of shy pink.

That's the proper way to use them, but try and avoid them if you can. ^_^
³ Yes! That's how you use them!
⁴ Wrong again! I would replace "—" with "... and grass in his hair, which is the only indication ..."

The rest is fine, with a few more "—" errors. That's the one thing I want you to work on - try avoiding "—"'s as much as you can. Usually connecting words work just as well, though I can see what you're trying to do. Keep up the good work, Lilypants!