Hello there! My name is Kaela and I shall be your first reviewer. I'm going to focus on your posts today.
x_it's what drives the [WEAK]
Nice long post to start, always good. Right off the bat I'm going to say something that's jumping out at me. You use 'she' a lot to refer to Abby. Try and find some more pronouns to mix it up. How else can you describe Abby other than the fact that her name is Abby and she's a girl? It's nothing too major, just wanted to throw that out there.
Also, you're a bit of a comma whore. XD I mean that in the nicest way. I used to be a huge comma whore. It's a VERY common thing. Just like the above it's not major or terrible or anything, just something you might wanna look out for.
After your first post your posts get pretty short. Not dangerously short or anything, but they're less than half the length of your opener. Quantity is, of course, not the most important thing. But it's hard to get much content with posts that short. For the low ranks it's not a big deal at all. Just for the future think about all of her senses. Not just what she sees and hears, but what she feels and smells, maybe even tastes.
All in all it's a good basic getting to you know thread.
x_& [that's] a w r a p.
Typo right in your first sentence. I spotted a few in the other topic too. They're not really bad ones or anything, but definitely something you should watch out for. Always reread your threads before posting. Spell check is great, but it doesn't check for content. If you have the wrong word but it's spelled correctly, it's just gonna sit there.
Other than that, another good basic getting to know you thread.
x_c a r e l e s s [whispers]
Since you're applying for beginner it's ok that all your threads are one on one. It's good that you got different houses, but you should definitely try and build some more relationships. For all I know you already have, but I only have these three threads to go by. As you move through the ranks work on some more long term plots and RPing with more than one person at a time.
Overall, it's definitely a good start.
I approve you for novice. Hi! I'm Jax, and I'm going to do your second review.
First off, please use the default font in your RP topics/posts. I know it's a minor thing, but the larger Arial font is more "condensed" and harder to read.
Profile:
Appearance:
To start out, get rid of the headings for each appearance paragraph. It's unnecessary and distracting- you can tell it's structured just by reading the text, you don't need to tell us! The appearance bothers me - you spend a paragraph each on her eyes and hair, which are important, but you never give anything about her height and weight other than "average". Weight I can see leaving out, as appearance and weight don't correspond sometimes - I weigh 125 lbs but most people guess somewhere 110 or less - but a solid number on height is important because it is going to define how other characters will relate to her physically.
Also, give the girl some FLAWS. She's got beautiful legs, a toned body, physically impossible hair (sorry, half black/half blond does not exist without the help of hair dye), captivatingly beautiful and unique eyes, blah, blah, ectetera. Oh, and she's slender with curves in all the right places. Come on now, let's have some realism, shall we? Perhaps she's slender and big-busted but also has linebacker shoulders and no hips. Or slender with a nice butt, but her hips are so wide compared to her waistline that finding pants is impossible. Does she have any non-evident physical problems - weak knees, chronic headaches, really nasty menstrual cramps?
I wrote a long thing here about how I was disappointed in the opposing personalities, but you fixed it in your last edit and I was reading the previous one :) Nice job anticipating and redeveloping your character direction.
Topics:
You're at the Novice level, definitely. You need to address the physical perfection issues above, and you need to work on getting something less emotionally mild in your topics. Find something that can take her from being sad to being distraught, from being angry to being furious... you catch my drift. Get some solid conflict going between people, develop some plot arcs, and work on different approaches to writing- try setting scenery at different times of day and different places, add some sensory details- and you'll be ready for Intermediate soon.
Approved for Novice.
Ok, review number three.
There is one thing that will help you more than anything else. I hope you are interested. If someone told me that I could do one thing to make my writing much better, I would jump at it. So here I am, telling you that if you were to do one thing, you could fix a lot of what Kaela and Jax have spoken about. Still listening? It's just one little thing.
Read your posts out loud. It sounds silly, but that will help you with EVERYTHING! Take a moment to read what Kaela said again. It is golden. Remember, you can fix most of your prolem by reading your replies out loud before you post them.
As far as the profile goes, if you have any question regarding how to incorporate what Jax is saying, I would love to help you out. Jax would too... I think.
Approved for Novice
alright, thanks everyone for taking the time to review this :] and i'll be sure to take all your guy's advice when i'm posting now. it's useful, so thank you :]