Link to character workshop topic: here
Rank Applying For: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:

after CLASS
As a result of this owl post, Tam and Lucy get to talking after class and have lunch in the kitchens, revealing Tam’s rather silly and chivalrous side.

The Case of the Missing Blue Gloves
Also as a result of an owl post here, Tam and Abigail go on a detective mission throughout the castle in search of Tam’s missing gloves.

Showdown
After tensions build up and come to a boil during Quidditch practice on the Gryffindor team, Tam challenges Wes to a fight. While this thread has shorter posts, I added it because it is a completed thread, shows Tam in action, and is leading to further plotting and drama.

What a way to start the term…
Tam finds a journal near the bottom of the staircase, belonging to Raven Silverflame. After he helps her retrieve her papers, the two begin talking, about school, family, and of course, Quidditch.

Why you feel that you should move up:
Who Tam was in my mind and who he was after I started playing him have become two drastically different people. Parts of his personality disappeared and were replaced with different parts I hadn’t seen in him before. While I still need to find Tam, I feel like he has stepped off the page and become someone I can get to know.

Hi! I'm Eol, and I get to review you first today!

Profile

In his physical appearance, you do a good job with everything I notice about people: height, build, skin color, scars, and clothing style. The only thing I can think to add is what his posture or gait looks like when he sits, walks, or runs, and how much emotion he shows in his body language and face.

I am not sure exactly what teal eyes look like, but I may have a slightly different view of what teal means, either because of the word or because I sometimes see blues and greens in a weird way. (I've never seen eyes this color, the one I associate most with that word.) I typically think eyes that aren't quite one color are "hazel". You certainly don't need to change it on my account, especially if other people "get" teal as an eye color.

I really like Tam's personality. The conflict between his outward demeanor and his inward nature are great. Make sure to point out things in him that are actively changing as he grows older and meets new people at school. If he has highly specialized responses to certain stimuli (different kinds of stress or pain), include those too.

Your history highlights all the important parts of his life. The detail is good, and jives well with his personality. Be sure to add to it frequently, especially talking about how he has grown and is growing out of being kept by his brother. This will be especially helpful to older students, who may have known the Jamie NPC, and it will help you keep track of his development in the long run.

Overall, your style is really clear and understandable. However, sometimes the sentence structure becomes a bit repetitive, especially when you get into parts of him that you are trying to contrast. Maybe reading aloud would help to work out kinks with repetition? I certainly don't want you to sacrifice detail and clarity for it.

Threads

Tam's personality shines through in your posts. I like that he's charismatic enough to melt an icy Ravenclaw and get along with a flustered Slytherin. In most laid-back threads, your emphasis on action really moves things along nicely. However, I'd invite you to spend a little more time on emotion and passion in threads like Showdown--maybe create some aftermath threads where he's contemplating what happened? In the future, try exploring some more emotional arcs, perhaps in the form of longer interpersonal plots.

In Conclusion

I support you moving up to Novice. Make sure to start some long-term arcs for us to enjoy reading when you apply for Intermediate!

Hello Mimi! :) I will be your second reviewer.

@General: I absolutely love how descriptive you are. If we have any doubts about what you are talking about, you clarify it for us in your analogies and adjectives. This runs consistently in your profile and your rp threads. The only things that I see you need to watch are your commas, weird sentence structure, and the overuse of “Tam.” Sometimes it is best to substitute their name with He, The Gryffindor, The boy, Findlay, etc. It spices things up a bit so things don't get repetitive. Also, be careful with random capitalization (I'm guilty of it too). It can make things hard to read sometimes.

@Profile: Eol really hit most of the things that I noticed. I definitely feel like you are still finding things out about Tam and I know that your profile will evolve as you play him more. In your Physical appearance, I love the descriptiveness once again. I've seen teal contacts before, but never met a guy with naturally teal eyes. But hey, I live in Texas. -shrug- I love the thought that you put into your revised profile and it gives a lot of information. I also really like how you mention one thing in your physical appearance and explain it in your background. No loose ends here!

@Threads: You posts are very easy to read. Like Eol suggested, I would advise you to bring more of his inner conflict out. You know what he is thinking, but we don't, and boy are we curious people. That should increase your length some... but really, quality is better than quantity. I look forward to when all your relationships start tying in together, forming a very strong plot.

@Decision: I approve you for novice and look forward to seeing more great things from you!! :)

Why hello there! It looks like I will be your third reviewer.

Eol and Tiff have hit a lot of really good points. Listen to them!

One suggestion for your profile as you look to move up in the ranks: always ask "why?" You have a really good basis for a character there. The next step is to ask yourself why he is the way he is. Why he does those things. Then find a way to incorporate those answers into your profile and roleplays and such. That's my big thing. It really adds a lot of depth to your character. It becomes easier as you get to know your character better. You already have a good hold on Tam from what I can tell, so just keep on chugging.

Nothing else is really glaring at me, so, I approve you for Novice and can't wait to see you move up in the future!

NOTE : I see that there are plenty of other ranking threads to review right now, so go ahead and take your time with mine, there's no rush! <3

Link to character workshop topic(with original and revised posts): aqui!
Rank Applying For: Intermediate
At least three of your recent role play topics:

OF QUIDDITCH LOCKERS •
Tam rescues Andrew Lenski, a third-year, from a Quidditch locker, and in the process, gains a worshipper. Lily and I are epic plotting these two as I write.

``medieval [l o v i n']
Tam is going to the Valentine’s Day Dance with Lucy—but only as friends!—while Lucy still likes Wesley Cotter—who Tam just happens to hate—but Wes is going to the dance with Georgiana Dorsett. Add on a suit of armor, period clothing, and two very real swords on a floating ship, and something is bound to blow up.

we tested your boundaries ----
Tam and Blysse bond and do a bit of plotting for revenge. However, their planning is cut short as Blysse faints.

( hanging by a thread )
Tam wakes up in the Hospital Wing after his fight with Wesley Cotter. And no other but Misa Kuran has saved him. In a fit of unusually good ideas, Tam and Misa break out of the Hospital Wing…and attempt to make their way up to Gryffindor Tower.

Cooking up S’more fun!
This is an older thread, but I thought I’d include it, as it’s a group thread.

JUST FOR KICKS:
BEE MINE
Because everyone wants to get sent a random Valentine--especially people who don’t want them.

Why you feel that you should move up:
Because otherwise Tam will eat you all.
First off, I’ve tried to take all the suggestions from my last review into account and tried to improve there. Secondly, Tam has taken over my mind. His voice feels really solid in my mind now, at least his silly part does, anyways. I’ve still to show and play out his more serious, angsty side--which I intend to do soon!--but overall he’s cemented. As for my actual posts, while my posts are not as long as those of others, I feel like I’ve gotten to a consistent length in my posts, and I don’t feel as if I have any really glaring grammar issues.

Hello.

Profile

I like how you expanded your profile and took the suggestions given by those involved in the workshop. The only thing that I would like to see is a post that incorporates all updated elements rather than having them scattered in different replies.

Topics

If you look at the requirements for intermediate, an improvement in general quality of your role-playing is required. It is very apparent that you have improved. Your post are much more descriptive and describe Tam in a way that indicates you are becoming more and more comfortable with him. I can also see inward reactions to the other role-players that helps you delve more into Tam's personality.

Now to some of the individual threads:

``medieval [l o v i n']

Unfortunately, I couldn't use this thread as a group topic because it seems as if there are just two parallel RP's going on. I understand the whole flow of the topic, you just didn't get to the point where there was interaction between all the characters. I did look at your other topic you submitted for the group RP and you are definitely interactive and engaging in it.


That is all I really have to say. Definitely take my suggestion about combining your profile.

I approve you for Intermediate

HELLO MIMI. I am Lily, but you already knew that, and I shall be your second reviewer! <3

THE PROFILE.
Well, there isn’t much for me to say, truthfully – I feel like you’ve got the WR spirit in you, haha. The only suggestion I can give is to make sure you’re grouping things in the same paragraph together logically – for example, in his appearance, you can talk more about his body structure in the same paragraph and draw up more on his clothing style in another paragraph. Oh, and there’s always the “keep adding to it as you go” tip, but I think you’re doing that quite well. (:

THE POSTS.
LOCKERS. – I like reading freaked-out!Tam, possibly because it’s the closest he’s become to excited that I’ve ever seen him. Your posts are good here – reflective but not overly so, and they keep the action going. Plus, I was threading with you, and it was fun to do so. <3 My suggestion is that you type it veeeeery carefully. I know Firefox has a spellcheck, but I can still see spelling mistakes. >.<

LOVIN. – like Kenny said, there seems to be two parallel RPs going on here, so it can’t really constitute as a group thread…but I will just say how I love how you let Tam stay in character and yet still do ridiculous things. Or is that his character by nature? /profound!fail

BOUNDARIES. – again, I love your consistency. However, even though I know you’re like DYING to post, remember to check for mechanics usage and such.

THREAD. –hides- I will reply to this one day, yes I will. Anyways, I’m sort of hoping that you bring out his senses more here, because he’s in pain, right? Yet it doesn’t sound like he’s hurting that much – I know he’s trying to scale the staircase in agony, but some more diction could really bring that out. ^^\\

S’MORES. – well, what can I say? The Notable Passers are just brilliant. <3

So, yeah, in general, I’ve been saying the same thing over and over. I love your consistency throughout each thread. I would like you to really proofread your posts – don’t give me that look! – and make them squeaky clean. And I think you really need to write Tam in a darker vein as you said, or else he’s going to head into a shallow direction and we don’t want to lose him now, do we? I think you can afford to put more emotion into your posts – everything’s a little muted right now, overshadowed by the actions, so work on that a little and you’ll be golden. (:

THE VERDICT.
YOU ARE HEREBY APPROVED FOR INTERMEDIATE. Cheers for not having a special request!

As the above two have stated, I too think that you truly deserve Intermediate. You have expanded your profile a TON since the last time, and I can see improvement in each topic you post. I can see great things coming from you in the near future - But I would have to agree with Kenny. I would like to see you put all of the elements of your profile together to make it easier to go through :)

Keep expanding with Tam's senses, and Lily mentioned. You can really pump out a great post when you explore his surroundings and senses, and it makes him become more alive than you've already made him.

So, without further ado, I approve your advancement to intermediate.

And remember - you now have the ability to use a special request, if you so choose :)

Rank Applying For: Advanced
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
Case of the Missing Blue Gloves, Part Three
THIS arc has been going on ever since I first joined WR, actually. (See parts 1 and 2. It's a different thread than the first one I submitted, so I think it's alright for me to submit the ending part, but if it's not, then that's alright as well. Tam and Abigail finally (after OOC six months!) recover Tam's missing items.

the mission;
Rescue team, go! Tam gathers various students of all shapes and sizes in an attempt to get to London, where he believes the kidnapped students are being held. This thread hasn't taken off quite as much as I would have liked it to, but I've included it because it shows Tam in a sort of leadership position, and shows my involvement with sitewide plots.

and wash our memory clean
Continuation of this thread with Andrew Lenski. Tam and Andrew make up after he threw Andrew through a greenhouse. Well, they try to make up, anyways. With two boys afraid to make the wrong move again, it's like trying to dance for the first time.

just being by my side is not kindness baby;
TAM AND MISA FINALLY GET TOGETHER. But not before Tam is forced to deal with a few family problems that were just waiting to explode on him and make him break down as well. And who else would Tam go to when he has problems but Misa, who has always been there yelling and him and blowing him up?

Spin me a tale, so I may sleep
While making his prefect rounds, Tam stumbles upon Lucy Winkleman, who has recently been returned from being kidnapped. Because he is Tam, and overlooks the fact that he is supposed to be punishing students who are out of bed, he attempts to comfort Lucy, by...talking.

Shrieking Shack Sleuths
While the gloves may have been found, that doesn't mean Tam and Abigail's detective adventures are over just quite yet! On the contrary, they've decided to go explore the Shrieking Shrack, although their focus on this goal seems to waver and get sidetracked...very sidetracked.

What are your three biggest RPing tips for any member?
DETAILS
Add detail to everything! This goes along with the golden rule of writing: show, don't tell! Describing things fully not only adds to your RP partner's understanding of what is happening in your post, but it adds to your own understanding. And, most importantly, it makes you think about your character, and what the little parts of what they wear, say, or do show about their personality. This is a skill that takes a bit of developing, but if you conciously start describing surroundings and important things in detail, it becomes second nature. In my opinion, the little movements and motions a character has and does are the best things to describe. People are fidgeting all the time, and unless it is a quirk of your character to stay still, he or she would be gesturing and making small movements as well.

FUN
Have fun with what you're writing! If you're not enjoying it, why write it in the first place? After all, that's the whole reason we RP--to have fun and enjoy writing. And speaking of writing, having fun with what you do also makes your writing better. It shows! When you have fun with your character, other people notice, and then they want to play with you as well. The more fun you have, the more effort you will put into writing your posts and working on your character. The more effort you put, the more character gets developed and the more your writing improves, and everyone wins all around!

PATIENCE
We'll start with other people. I've sure everyone knows that people have real lives to take care of, and despite everything, they can't be online all the time. So be patient with other people for replies! They are not writing machines! But while you have to be patient with other people, you also have to be patient with yourself. Great characters and great posts don't come in ten minutes. They take a while to think about and throughly, and sometimes rewriting to make a post or a profile better. Don't get frusterated with yourself if you can't reply as soon as your RP partner does. Just let it come to you naturally. Even if you get excited about a reply and just start typing away, slow down! Think about everything some more. You might think of something even more amazing!

Why you feel that you should move up:
I think my progress in writing is best viewed through the Missing Gloves threads. Like I said before, that plot has gone on since I first joined WR, and I think my progression and improvement is visible in that series of threads. Quality is always valued over quantity, but I feel like I am writing a lot more because I am writing a lot more descriptively in my posts. When I first joined, for example in this thread, I could barely get out a few lines to make paragraphs. Now, I can manage three thicker paragraphs just about every time with pretty good detail, and sometimes even four. I've tried to take in all the remarks from my last ranking up, and like I said before, I feel like I write a lot more descriptively now.

I've also tried to get myself involved in a bunch of stuff around the site, including Quidditch, the kidnapping plot, and--my favorite--the Clash. Also, as the Gryffindor prefect, I've tried to start a lake party to build team spirit, although that too, has yet to get off the ground. While Tam is still Tam--silly and infectious, he's also revealed his more serious parts to me. He's a boy who loves to laugh, but also feels injustice, cries, and falls in love. There are so many sides of him that I see and show now, as compared to the character I started out with.

So, I am going to make this short and sweet, because, quite frankly, we have a lot to do >.<

Mimi, you have definitely more than exceeded the requirements for Advanced. All of your posts are of a decent length, your writing style flows beautifully, and you can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into your post. I also love how friendly you are to other members, and how quick you are to reply to threads, and think up new plots. That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your rank, but I thought I would just add it to this.

Your profile is well done, and you can see a few really good plot arcs hatching in that brain o' yours! There's no where for you to go from here but up!

What I want to see from you is more plot arcs that take place over several threads. I loved the Blue Glove series, but I want to see more like it!

So, with that, I approve your advancement to Advanced. Well done! You've truly grown as an RPer, and I can't wait to see your elite application!

I was specifically looking for that when I read over your posts and I found it. c: That seemed to be the only thing I thought you could really improve on as far as your posts go. You've definitely improved there. Like Jay said, I love how you interact in your posts. Personally, I enjoying RPing with you. It's easy, smooth, and I almost never have difficulty thinking up a reply for you.

What I would like to see from you is different plots with a few different people. You and Lily have a lot going with Misa/Tam and Andrew/Tam. I'd love to see a few more plot ideas get put into the mix for your elite application.

I also wanted to say that I LOVE the advice you have written for other RPers. The tips are all very relevant.

The only real grammatical errors I saw in a few posts was the overuse of commas. But that happens to the best of us and is something that I struggle with myself.

All that being said, I approve your application for advanced. Way to go!

Again, this will be a short one as I pretty much already had my mind made up when I saw your application.

I looked over your profile and submitted posts and they are all excellent and more than meet the requirements of Advanced. I see great improvement from your original submissions when you applied for novice which is what I look for most when reviewing advanced and Elite applications.

It's so easy for me to come to the decision to approve you for advanced because I have RPed with you. You play Tomas with ease and I think you have fun with him. What I like most about the character is that even though he is a fourth year he seems to have an old soul. I'll give you an example of what I mean because I don't think I'm putting my point into the correct words. In the topic where Vorian is teaching Tam how to use the Imperius curse, Tam becomes extremely focused while performing the spell and discussing it with Vorian, but his excitement and reaction to success or failure are very much like a fourteen year old would act. I just gave away part of my next reply, but Vorian pretty much forgets Tam is younger than him until he sees how he reacts to certain things. Whether you do it intentionally or on purpose that is a very REAL personality as I have known someone like that and I just think it is brilliant that you can produce that in your writing.