Link to character workshop topic:here
Rank Applying For: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:
shrugging off WINTER'S cold embrace
A little study time...aka torture
a cup of tea
Why you feel that you should move up: Because even over the short period of time I've been here, my writing has improved vastly, in my opinion. I guess, that's just about it.

hey. I'll be your first reviewer.

Your profile is very well written. You need to expand on his personality and character background, but you can do that as you rank up. Definitely at novice level.


Your posts are far beyond Novice, very descriptive. Just keep it up and be sure to add to your profile as you come upon new traits while RPing. It helped me a lot when I had to edit it, made it so much easier.


So, yeah...approved for Novice

Hi! I'll be your second reviewer. I'll keep this concise, as I'm sure you don't want to listen to me ramble on.

The Profile

Like Kenny said, it looks good. A few things to point out and expand on, though...

1. Muggle-born should be capitalised and hyphenated.

2. Personality section: You should work on expanding this more. If you find out anything about James as you're RPing him, don't be afraid to add it to his profile. What kinds of music does he like? What's his favourite food? His least favourite subject in school? What shape would his Boggart assume? Does he have a Patronus? If it's corporeal, what form does it take? Questions like this can really help you flesh out parts of your character and it might be useful because it could come up in a future RP.

3. Character Background: This could have a lot more detail. Expand on what it was like when he first showed his magical abilities. Did anything wierd happen? Did he ever get in trouble with his parents or did any of the kids at his school freak out if they saw him use accidental magic? Also, what kinds of things did he like to do as a kid?

The Topics

For Novice, we usually don't go through topics in a detailed manner, so I'll just comment on a few things I noticed.

1. I like how you don't try to hide the fact that he's blind, but you don't really flaunt it. This is a challenge to do with a character who is somehow disabled and you've done a good job. As you continue writing, keep on emphasizing James's other senses (most notably, probably hearing and touch) and how he interacts with the world using those.

2. As look to apply for Intermediate, try having James form relationships or potential plots with other characters that continue from one thread to the next.

3. Also, are there any aspects of life that make him uncomfortable? In the three threads you've submitted, he seems pretty relaxed and easy-going. Not that it's a bad thing, but try really bringing him out of his comfort zone. When that happens, interesting character development usually follows. =)

The Verdict

I approve you for Novice. Just keep working hard, revise your profile (and like Kenny mentioned, put the new version in a separate post so that we can see how it's changed) and you should be to Intermediate in no time!

And I will be your third reviewer! <3

In all honesty, they have covered most of what I have found in reading through your topics and profiles. I can't wait to see you develop more plots and get James really involved. Like Eli said, pull him out of his comfort zone! This will give you the boost you need to expand on his profile and help you get to know James better.

I also really want to say that I love how you play his blindness. I struggle with Johanna because of how awkward and inverted she is, which is a huge contrast to my own personality. You do a great job and have a lot of potential. You just need to plot and expand.

Can't wait to see more form you! I approve you for Novice! <3 :)