Title: Rei Stronski - Elite
Rei Stronski - February 17, 2007 07:24 PM (GMT)
Link to character workshop topic: Here.
Current rank: Beginner
At least three of your recent role play topics:
Here. This one was before I revamped her profile. In this topic, she thinks about her terrible past with her father, while in her new profile she tells of how her and her father had a great relationship. It's sort of a contradiction now, but if you ignore the history post I placed in that roleplay, I'm sure it'll all be fine.
Slow-moving, but it's there.
From another site that I made work for Miss Stronski.
Why you feel that you should move up: Ah well, I've been roleplaying for quite some time, now. I usually don't let 22,000 grammar and spelling errors in my posts, and they're always at least 3 - 5 paragraphs long. It they're shorter, I usually find myself growing insane. I'm usually on during the weekends and I reply whenever I can. Senior life can be quite hard at times, especially when they decide to throw you a state assessment with absolutely no warning. Gosh darn teachers.
Current rank: Beginner
At least three of your recent role play topics:
Here. This one was before I revamped her profile. In this topic, she thinks about her terrible past with her father, while in her new profile she tells of how her and her father had a great relationship. It's sort of a contradiction now, but if you ignore the history post I placed in that roleplay, I'm sure it'll all be fine.
Slow-moving, but it's there.
From another site that I made work for Miss Stronski.
Why you feel that you should move up: Ah well, I've been roleplaying for quite some time, now. I usually don't let 22,000 grammar and spelling errors in my posts, and they're always at least 3 - 5 paragraphs long. It they're shorter, I usually find myself growing insane. I'm usually on during the weekends and I reply whenever I can. Senior life can be quite hard at times, especially when they decide to throw you a state assessment with absolutely no warning. Gosh darn teachers.
Lily Evans - February 17, 2007 08:21 PM (GMT)
uhm so you're a beautiful writer and I can't say I find any mistakes or huge problems whatsoever with your post or your profile. <3 nothing short of stunning.
Approval for Novice.
Approval for Novice.
Sundari Harmony - February 18, 2007 08:43 PM (GMT)
You're a great writer. Of course you have my approval ^__^
Yanmei Kim - February 18, 2007 08:49 PM (GMT)
Le totally approved my dear =)
Rei Stronski - March 2, 2007 08:30 PM (GMT)
Link to character workshop topic(with original and revised posts): You didn't give me anything to revise last time, so... Here.
Current rank: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:
One
Two
Three
Why you feel that you should move up: I think I've really improved since I joined this place. I mean, Gosh. You should have seen some of my earlier posts; you people certainly whipped me into shape. However, I still have oodles to learn. My posts are lenghty, and I feel I explain what she sees and how she feels through out all of my posts.
Special request: Parseltongue and Invisibility Cloak
Current rank: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:
One
Two
Three
Why you feel that you should move up: I think I've really improved since I joined this place. I mean, Gosh. You should have seen some of my earlier posts; you people certainly whipped me into shape. However, I still have oodles to learn. My posts are lenghty, and I feel I explain what she sees and how she feels through out all of my posts.
Special request: Parseltongue and Invisibility Cloak
Blyssenor Wright - March 3, 2007 01:32 AM (GMT)
I absolutely love your writing style. You have my problem, however, which is superfluous commas. Its pretty easy to improve on that however. Your writing is VERY advanced. My favorite thing to see is colons and semicolons and you use them flawlessly. I see no need to keep you lower...soooo
You have my approval to move from Novice to Intermediate.
You have my approval to move from Novice to Intermediate.
Sundari Harmony - March 3, 2007 01:44 AM (GMT)
I think you can develop your posts quite nicely, making them enjoyable to read. You definitely deserve to be at Intermediate, and if you keep going like this, you will keep moving up quickly. I have nothing to complain about at the moment, so you have my approval as well :)
Blair van Adsen - March 3, 2007 04:36 AM (GMT)
Fantabulous darling. :) I approve as well.
Rei Stronski - March 3, 2007 08:47 PM (GMT)
*is extremely comma happy*
Thanks!
Thanks!
Rei Stronski - April 16, 2007 08:42 PM (GMT)
Current rank: Intermediate
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
she's lost [i n s i d e] <-- Love this one
[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]
Solemn Silence
Inclined to take a Decline
You'll never know
Why you feel that you should move up: I really think I've elaborated on my posts, as well as the way I feel about my character. I did some thinking over the course of a few weeks, really deciding that now, this wasn't just a roleplay; it was like a huge book. I know, let's all point and laugh at the geek with no life. But, anyway, in my eyes, I've really improved. I really like who I've made my character, and I think my roleplaying shows that. I feel really..proud when I read my most recent topics, as opposed to reading my first ones. It's like I'm all grown up or something. In short, I've just really improved. My English teacher says so. Cause I let her read some of these topics. =] I felt like..I was on cloud nine.
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
she's lost [i n s i d e] <-- Love this one
[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]
Solemn Silence
Inclined to take a Decline
You'll never know
Why you feel that you should move up: I really think I've elaborated on my posts, as well as the way I feel about my character. I did some thinking over the course of a few weeks, really deciding that now, this wasn't just a roleplay; it was like a huge book. I know, let's all point and laugh at the geek with no life. But, anyway, in my eyes, I've really improved. I really like who I've made my character, and I think my roleplaying shows that. I feel really..proud when I read my most recent topics, as opposed to reading my first ones. It's like I'm all grown up or something. In short, I've just really improved. My English teacher says so. Cause I let her read some of these topics. =] I felt like..I was on cloud nine.
Darien Everett - April 17, 2007 01:44 AM (GMT)
My verdict: I just can't justify it.
You have a fantastic writing style and a whole load of potential. Every word I read of your threads kept me interested. It was all very poignant and relevant. Your grammar and spelling are quite good, but there are some glaring problems that need to be addressed.
First off (and it's been mentioned before) you need to find a way to stop comma splicing. It leaves me feeling like you haven't taken the time to proof read your writing before submitting it.
Secondly, I keep spotting sentences you've started with conjunctions - specifically the word "but". If you're going to use it at the beginning of the sentence, keep in mind that sentences of that sort are just reordered versions of your run of the mill contradiction.
Example: But for the weather, the new wing of the school would have been finished weeks ago.
Third, there are more than a few instances where you have simply mistyped, typod, or just misspelled a complex word (passers-by, for instance). Like my first reason, this is easily remedied by just going back and re-reading. Everyone slips up now and then, but that'll catch the majority.
And while this is more relevant to rules than the subject at hand, try not to apologize for sucking in the threads submitted for us to review your skills. You really don't, but it's hard to take it seriously when you say that.
So, forgive me if I come across all stiff and unyielding. You really are a fantastic writer and role-player. I just think it needs a little more work before you fit the criteria outlined as the Advanced rank.
You have a fantastic writing style and a whole load of potential. Every word I read of your threads kept me interested. It was all very poignant and relevant. Your grammar and spelling are quite good, but there are some glaring problems that need to be addressed.
First off (and it's been mentioned before) you need to find a way to stop comma splicing. It leaves me feeling like you haven't taken the time to proof read your writing before submitting it.
Secondly, I keep spotting sentences you've started with conjunctions - specifically the word "but". If you're going to use it at the beginning of the sentence, keep in mind that sentences of that sort are just reordered versions of your run of the mill contradiction.
Example: But for the weather, the new wing of the school would have been finished weeks ago.
Third, there are more than a few instances where you have simply mistyped, typod, or just misspelled a complex word (passers-by, for instance). Like my first reason, this is easily remedied by just going back and re-reading. Everyone slips up now and then, but that'll catch the majority.
And while this is more relevant to rules than the subject at hand, try not to apologize for sucking in the threads submitted for us to review your skills. You really don't, but it's hard to take it seriously when you say that.
So, forgive me if I come across all stiff and unyielding. You really are a fantastic writer and role-player. I just think it needs a little more work before you fit the criteria outlined as the Advanced rank.
Eilidh Sutherland - April 17, 2007 02:08 AM (GMT)
"I know, let's all point and laugh at the geek with no life." First off, let me say that there will be NO laughing done. We really appreciate the effort and commitment you have put into developing Rei, and I think if you look around, you'll find a few others who devote the same sort of care to WR and their characters. ^_-
In "she's lost [ i n s i d e ]", I really like the depth you've put into Rei, both physically and psychologically. I can get a sense of the way Rei carries herself, from spluttering to serene.
"Finally deciding, she would speak to the girl, however, she wasn't going to be all Grandma Wessie about it; she was going to be her regular, hard-ass self." While I appreciate your sentence structures becoming more complex and interesting, badly punctuated run-ons just make me stumble.
I like the psychological intrigue of "Solemn Silence". The dichotomy you're creating between Rei and the people she views as the 'rest of the school' will probably develop into an interesting dynamic. At the same time, a whole paragraph is devoted to something that doesn't affect Rei's interaction with Blysse at all. This is a bad habit I share with you. It's best to cut down on NPC use when both characters don't interact with your extras--that way, it doesn't come off as filler.
A note: some of your paragraphs seem a bit fat--try breaking them up a bit smaller? It's easier on the eyes. Also, make sure you read things Rei says aloud a few times before putting the words in her mouth. Some of her sentences seem like something a real person would never say.
"Inclined to Take a Decline" shows me that your grammar has improved but not much else. I'd appreciate it if you waited for review until at least 4 out of 5 topics have at least 2 or 3 posts from you to look at. Development through a thread is just as important as development through a post.
Like in "Solemn Silence", "You'll never know" has a bit too much emphasis on what Rei was doing before she saw Caitriona. Don't sacrifice quality in the pursuit of quantity. Overall, not a bad post, but I'd like to see where it goes before you submit it for review.
I can't see "[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]". Please follow the rules. "*Note: The topics MUST be viewable by all. No common room topics are allowed, unless it is the communal common room." We can't make an example out of your marvellously developing skills if people can't see your topics.
The suddenness of Rei's realization and grasp of power is interesting, if occasionally somewhat implausible. I'd like to throw Eilidh and her together in a thread, see what comes out of it.
One last thing--in three of the four topics I can view, you apologise for your posts being 'sucky'. First off, you're already Intermediate, working on Advanced. They aren't sucky. Apologise for being rushed, maybe. But definitely don't cite yourself as sucky--the admins and mods have repeated many times that it's not fair to you or the person you're RPing with.
I have no qualms about moving you to Advanced on the basis of character development, but I really would like to see a fifth post that actually follows the rules for submission as well as a few more posts in your other topics ^_-.
By the by, Darien, 'typo' is not a verb.
In "she's lost [ i n s i d e ]", I really like the depth you've put into Rei, both physically and psychologically. I can get a sense of the way Rei carries herself, from spluttering to serene.
"Finally deciding, she would speak to the girl, however, she wasn't going to be all Grandma Wessie about it; she was going to be her regular, hard-ass self." While I appreciate your sentence structures becoming more complex and interesting, badly punctuated run-ons just make me stumble.
I like the psychological intrigue of "Solemn Silence". The dichotomy you're creating between Rei and the people she views as the 'rest of the school' will probably develop into an interesting dynamic. At the same time, a whole paragraph is devoted to something that doesn't affect Rei's interaction with Blysse at all. This is a bad habit I share with you. It's best to cut down on NPC use when both characters don't interact with your extras--that way, it doesn't come off as filler.
A note: some of your paragraphs seem a bit fat--try breaking them up a bit smaller? It's easier on the eyes. Also, make sure you read things Rei says aloud a few times before putting the words in her mouth. Some of her sentences seem like something a real person would never say.
"Inclined to Take a Decline" shows me that your grammar has improved but not much else. I'd appreciate it if you waited for review until at least 4 out of 5 topics have at least 2 or 3 posts from you to look at. Development through a thread is just as important as development through a post.
Like in "Solemn Silence", "You'll never know" has a bit too much emphasis on what Rei was doing before she saw Caitriona. Don't sacrifice quality in the pursuit of quantity. Overall, not a bad post, but I'd like to see where it goes before you submit it for review.
I can't see "[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]". Please follow the rules. "*Note: The topics MUST be viewable by all. No common room topics are allowed, unless it is the communal common room." We can't make an example out of your marvellously developing skills if people can't see your topics.
The suddenness of Rei's realization and grasp of power is interesting, if occasionally somewhat implausible. I'd like to throw Eilidh and her together in a thread, see what comes out of it.
One last thing--in three of the four topics I can view, you apologise for your posts being 'sucky'. First off, you're already Intermediate, working on Advanced. They aren't sucky. Apologise for being rushed, maybe. But definitely don't cite yourself as sucky--the admins and mods have repeated many times that it's not fair to you or the person you're RPing with.
I have no qualms about moving you to Advanced on the basis of character development, but I really would like to see a fifth post that actually follows the rules for submission as well as a few more posts in your other topics ^_-.
By the by, Darien, 'typo' is not a verb.
Blyssenor Wright - April 17, 2007 02:55 AM (GMT)
I'm pretty sure that we were wanting only one review each level, so the second was a bit superfluous. >_>; And By the by.....heh.
As Eilidh stated, you are advanced in character development, but I do not feel that you are advanced in regards to the other elements as outlined by definition. Therefore I will decline this time. But I'm hoping that if not approved this go around, by the next, you will have improved greatly {I know you are capable of doing so. :) }. You're a great writer. Just give us more of it.
As Eilidh stated, you are advanced in character development, but I do not feel that you are advanced in regards to the other elements as outlined by definition. Therefore I will decline this time. But I'm hoping that if not approved this go around, by the next, you will have improved greatly {I know you are capable of doing so. :) }. You're a great writer. Just give us more of it.
Rei Stronski - April 17, 2007 11:03 AM (GMT)
Oh gosh! I completely forgot about the Common Room one. Sorry, Eol.
But, I must say thanks to you guys for pointing all of this out. It'll help so much. So, if I read correctly, the main things I have to work on are;
=]
Edit;;
Annnnd, I feel that I really should apologize for the whole 'Excuse the sucky posts' shit. Really, there was no need for it. I suppose I substitued the word 'sucky' for a word like (as Eol put it) rushed. I'm sorry for making you guys read all those comments on the bottom my posts. It isn't fair to the other person. I mean, I think I suck, what's going to give them the incentive to roleplay with me?
In other words, I don't think I suck. I just think I could do better sometimes. But, not sucky. Rushed. Not sucky.
Really, I'm sorry for this guys, and I feel bad about it. I don't know why, but I just feel bad.
And I also apologize for posting something like this here, as it's not what it's used for. But...=]
But, I must say thanks to you guys for pointing all of this out. It'll help so much. So, if I read correctly, the main things I have to work on are;
- Commas
Starting my sentences with conjunctions
Making Rei's speech sound more..human and less robotic
Devoting less time to Rei and her feelings and more on how she interacts with other characters
Run-ons
Breaking up my paragraphs
=]
Edit;;
Annnnd, I feel that I really should apologize for the whole 'Excuse the sucky posts' shit. Really, there was no need for it. I suppose I substitued the word 'sucky' for a word like (as Eol put it) rushed. I'm sorry for making you guys read all those comments on the bottom my posts. It isn't fair to the other person. I mean, I think I suck, what's going to give them the incentive to roleplay with me?
In other words, I don't think I suck. I just think I could do better sometimes. But, not sucky. Rushed. Not sucky.
Really, I'm sorry for this guys, and I feel bad about it. I don't know why, but I just feel bad.
And I also apologize for posting something like this here, as it's not what it's used for. But...=]
Sundari Harmony - April 20, 2007 03:15 AM (GMT)
I think you are a fantastic writer and I love seeing you RP. I think you have listed the main things, and so once you get those figured out, you'll be golden. I have no doubt that you'll fix what you need to right away just because of how skilled you are.
Do that and reapply :) Fix the things that were suggested to you and I'll have no problems at all moving you to advanced the next time around.
Oh jeeze darling, quit apologizing! :P Just don't do it anymore xD
Oh- and be sure that next time you put the star at the beginning of the title. Otherwise it's too easy for us to miss it.
Do that and reapply :) Fix the things that were suggested to you and I'll have no problems at all moving you to advanced the next time around.
Oh jeeze darling, quit apologizing! :P Just don't do it anymore xD
Oh- and be sure that next time you put the star at the beginning of the title. Otherwise it's too easy for us to miss it.
Rei Stronski - May 25, 2007 10:44 PM (GMT)
Current rank: Intermediate
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
- she's lost [i n s i d e] <-- I know, I used it when applying for advanced before, buuuuuuut, I really likle it.
for d-a-w-s to peck at
A First Visit <-- Probbaly should reply there...
Inclined to Take a Decline<-- ROOOY! *happy-mood Rei*
Annnd, cause some of you can't see it, but I like it, I quoted [x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d] I hope that's okay with you guys.
A post in the party thread
| QUOTE |
 Well I was there on the day They sold the cause for the queen, And when the lights all went out We watched our lives on the screen. I hate the ending myself, But it started with an alright scene. Her life moved in fast-forward, while she was stuck in slow-motion. She moved on, much like a corpse, without a recollection of what she did yesterday, or without an idea of what she was currently doing. She was alone in life, and she hated herself for it. She hated feeling like she wasn't good enough to survive in the real world. She was distressed, she was horrified. But above all, she was herself. No matter what she did, the only person she was trying to escape was herself; the poster child for the good little girl gone cold. She could only name one true friend, and even he annoyed the hell out of her. She was virtually alone. While everyone else moved forward, she took two-steps backward. A downward spiral that she couldn't control, no matter how hard she tried. With a sigh, she moved herself into a sitting position on the chair in which she sat, bringing her face to her hands. "What's wrong with me?" She whispered, half-expecting someone to answer for her. Of course, the only thing that met her eager ears was the cracking of the fire. It was the roar of the crowd That gave me heartache to sing. It was a lie when they smiled And said, "you won't feel a thing" And as we ran from the cops We laughed so hard it would sting She leaned back in her chair, contemplating where she had gone wrong; what she had done to deserve the person she was now. In her opinion, she had done nothing. She always did her homework, she payed attention in class, she was good girl. She was. She couldn't explain it; the feeling that you're not good enough. She walked around the castle as if she owned it, when inside, she was scared. Scared of herself, of what she had turned herself into. The big difference that jumped out at her were her eyes. Once, dark chocolate vortexes that glimmered with the emotions of a happy young girl. Now, however, they were cold, black limpid pools of nothing. The glimmer of her eyes had left with her emotions; how could they reflect emotions if they no longer existed? The only thing they showed now was how cold she truly had become. She routinely put herself in danger, waiting for the adrenaline rush to kick in and wake her from her spell. It never worked. Prince Charming couldn't even wake her from her spell. Not that she really had a Prince Charming or anything. But if she did, he wouldn't be a big help. If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong) How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long) Now will it matter after I'm gone? Because you never learn a goddamned thing. She nestled herself on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest; her defensive position. She needed to think. She needed to focus on herself and what happened. "What did I do?" She mused aloud, trying desperately to search for a meaning in her fated existence. As far as she was concerned, she was a dark ghost was only here because God needed to create another human; to balance out the population. She was excess baggage; expendable. She didn't have a reason, or a purpose to be here. With heavy heart, she lowered her cheek to her knee, taking in a large breath of air. She closed her eyes, praying for the sleep that would never come. But, she could try to sleep. If it worked, it would be the first time she slept over five hours in one sitting in a little over a year. She had gotten through the last year or so of her life by sleeping staggered amounts of time. It wasn't a healthy way to live her life, but it was how she lived it. You're just a sad song with nothing to say About a life long wait for a hospital stay And if you think that I'm wrong, This never meant nothing to ya. Her body cringed as the fire cracked, her eyes itching to look at it. But, she kept herself focused on the prize; sleep. She knew it wouldn't work; she'd be sitting there for hours before her body and her mind finally gave in. But, it was better to get a head start. As of now, the only thing she valued was the fact that she was alone; that she didn't have to be with the awful girls she shared a dorm with; the little gossip-whores. If anyone walked in on her, she'd crushed. She'd have a reason to run. A reason to head outside, where, in theory, she could actually be alone. For now, her limp body fought her wishes as she fought for the sleep that she deserved. Alone, scared, and useless. [Mmmmkay, so this topic's tagged to the named, or it's open. Buuuut, I'd like it if only male Slytherins in Rei's year or older would reply.] |
Why you feel that you should move up: I'm trying to get better with the whole comma stuff as well as a bunch of stuff on the list that you guys named. I don't know if I'm advanced standards yet, so I hope you guys don't mind if by posting this I'm expecting your honest opinions. If you guys think I'm up there, promote me, if not, rip me apart! If it's any consolation, I don't write 600 sentence-long paragraphs anymore. =P
Darien Everett - May 25, 2007 11:06 PM (GMT)
From what I've seen, you have done a fantastic job correcting the errors pointed out by us last time. Beyond just that, Inclined to Take a Decline and the Party thread show me that you are trying to break out of the mold you first created for Rei to fit in to.
Your posts show a level of care and insight that makes you more than worthy of the Advanced rank. It may be a little premature at this point, but congratulations.
My vote is a definite yes.
Your posts show a level of care and insight that makes you more than worthy of the Advanced rank. It may be a little premature at this point, but congratulations.
My vote is a definite yes.
Eilidh Sutherland - May 26, 2007 07:45 PM (GMT)
Like I said before, you portray your character at an extremely advanced level. ^^ Remember that for your Elite application, you will need to post threads that are more involved than one post from you and one post from somebody else. That being said, however, I really like your work on "for d-a-w-s to peck at". Wandering/being lost is the perfect placement for a philosophical/non-narrative ramble--the text follows Rei's actions indirectly, and I enjoyed it. Just be sure not to do it in posts where she's directly interacting with someone the whole time.
As for "[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]", I find it impressive that you managed to write an extremely emotional post without boring me or distancing me. That being said, I think it might be difficult to reply to. That's only a minor complaint, however, because your writing here is quite improved and overall it's an excellent post.
I found "she's lost [i n s i d e]" to be extremely amusing and a very good character study. I love how serious Rei is about the whole witchy character trait when really you as a narrator are more joking about it. Almost like Jane Austen without the austere writing style. ^^ I can tell your comma/semicolon issues are fading because this thread lasts a while--yay for long threads! Show me more!
A First Visit--spelling is judgmental, only one e. Character development--is this a sort of paranoia or are you serious that people are mistreating Rei? You might want to develop a few enemies if you want to be wholly serious about the staring. I'd be up for that. Of course, the whole thing could be explained away by subtly mentioning that this is Rei's perception rather than reality.
Your post in the party is concise and still tells us what we need to know. Grammar looks pretty swell. Good job. However, it's hard to get people to talk to wallflowers. Even if it is Rei's character to do so, make something for us to work from. She spills her drink, she talks to herself, she starts to laugh at people from the corner... anything that would make her noticeable rather than a piece of furniture. Also, we prefer threads that have more than one of your posts in, to show that you can keep up with a plot. I see promise in Inclined to Take a Decline, too, but I can't tell exactly because it's only one reply.
So, for next time, keep up the excellent work, go for character interaction, proofread for phrasing, and please give us threads that show you can stay at the same level over an extended, defined plot arc. ^_____^ Approved for Advanced.
As for "[x] [d i s e n c h a n t e d]", I find it impressive that you managed to write an extremely emotional post without boring me or distancing me. That being said, I think it might be difficult to reply to. That's only a minor complaint, however, because your writing here is quite improved and overall it's an excellent post.
I found "she's lost [i n s i d e]" to be extremely amusing and a very good character study. I love how serious Rei is about the whole witchy character trait when really you as a narrator are more joking about it. Almost like Jane Austen without the austere writing style. ^^ I can tell your comma/semicolon issues are fading because this thread lasts a while--yay for long threads! Show me more!
A First Visit--spelling is judgmental, only one e. Character development--is this a sort of paranoia or are you serious that people are mistreating Rei? You might want to develop a few enemies if you want to be wholly serious about the staring. I'd be up for that. Of course, the whole thing could be explained away by subtly mentioning that this is Rei's perception rather than reality.
Your post in the party is concise and still tells us what we need to know. Grammar looks pretty swell. Good job. However, it's hard to get people to talk to wallflowers. Even if it is Rei's character to do so, make something for us to work from. She spills her drink, she talks to herself, she starts to laugh at people from the corner... anything that would make her noticeable rather than a piece of furniture. Also, we prefer threads that have more than one of your posts in, to show that you can keep up with a plot. I see promise in Inclined to Take a Decline, too, but I can't tell exactly because it's only one reply.
So, for next time, keep up the excellent work, go for character interaction, proofread for phrasing, and please give us threads that show you can stay at the same level over an extended, defined plot arc. ^_____^ Approved for Advanced.
Sundari Harmony - May 26, 2007 10:42 PM (GMT)
You have my approval as well :) take the advice that has been given to you and you'll do great.
Congrats ^___^
Congrats ^___^
Rei Stronski - July 11, 2009 04:29 AM (GMT)
Rank Applying For: Elite
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:
- &. Midnight Snacking
- Letters of Annoyance (I need to reply to this one.)
- .__FREEfalling
- (THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR
- [ BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU DO
- LAKE DIVING!
- ,__a rather COMICAL situation (Has no replies. I forgot about it.:))
- Even through my hiatus, I was doing a lot of writing. It was for fanfiction and my own personal taste, but it was writing none the less. I feel that I have a good grasp over my usage of grammar and spelling. I hardly feel unsure of how well my posts sound anymore, and I have a growing confidence in my writing. That being said, there's always a lot to learn, especially in the English language. As for my improvement, if you look at my posts from the Advanced application, they've definitely improved. Whether or not they're on the Elite level yet are for you to decide, but the improvement is there. As for character development and understanding, Rei is my home girl. I know her inside and out. She's been with me since I started roleplaying on Mugglenet Interactive. I feel that her character has really flourished and I have a good grasp on who she ism even if she doesn't.
- Ah! Let me take you back.
| QUOTE |
| "Rei Stronski stood, out of breath, in front of the large picture that helad the entrance to the kitchens. Breathing heavily, she around, waiting for him to join her. She had time to think about the situation she had gotten herself in, and decided that it was for the best. Ace wasn't a bad guy, so why should she worry? She smiled, letting her gaze fall to the painting in front of her. Which fruit did you have to tickle to get in? She sighed, realizing that she had no idea how to get into the kitchens. At that moment, her stomach rumbles, begging to be fed. She tapped her foot, hoping Ace knew the way in. Ace. Mr. Oh-I-Adore-You-LOOK-another-girl. She rolled her eyes, giving a small chuckle. Mr. I-Can't-Get-My-Hair-Wet. Of course. She got stuck with the conceited, hormone crazy Slytherin. Score one for him." |
This was from my & I'm Stuck With You topic with Rikke. I don't think words can describe just how funny this is to read. Obviously, I had no control over commas and grammar, as well as spelling. It's terrible. This was a starting post, and a poor one at that. It had no depth and accomplished nothing. The thread itself was generally good in the action it presented, but the writing on my part was awful. I'm normally very long winded when I write, so this made my eyes bug out my head.
| QUOTE |
| "Figures. It figures. It always figures," Rei Stronski mumbled under her breath, nursing her bleeding nose. The poor girl was rather small, and the door was rather large. She didn't have a chance when it decided to swing into her and knock her over. Not that she wouldn't have ran into it anyway. She was also rather clumsy. Being small and clumsy didn't give her a large advantage in life; she was bound to bleed at least once a week. This so happened to be the fifth time this week. What fun this has been. She sighed, taking a look down at her robes. The black was now littered with numerous spots of red. She looked like she had just lost a fight. In one sense, that was true. She had gotten herself into a fight with a door and lost. And now she was doomed to the horrible Hospital Wing. She hated going to this place, but, she wasn't exactly the most able-bodied witch when it came to A.) Remembering her wand, and B.) Actually using her wand to heal a wound. It just wasn't easy for her. So, to not further hurt herself, she simply trudged herself into the Hospital Wing. As she neared the door, her eyes caught sight of the great Ace Hunter. This time, however, he was shirtless and torn up. She cocked her brow, knocking on the half-closed door. She adjusted the tissue controlling her bleeding nose. "Is this a bad time?" |
This one's also with Rikke/Ace, but from the Darkside of the Moon topic instead. The length is much better, as are the descriptions. However, it doesn't really accomplish all that much either. It jumps back and forth from perspective to perspective, for one. My commas are still running rampant and it doesn't flow correctly.
| QUOTE |
| Soft trickles of moonlight filtered through the drawn curtains, illuminating the still form of a girl. The mass, caught under the thin green and silver bedspread, was indeed unmoving, but it wasn't asleep. Forever plagued with sleep apnea, Rei Stronski, like so many other sleepless nights, laid awake in her bed. Moreover, she wasn't tired at all. In fact, Rei was very much awake that night. Blue eyes scanned the ceiling, re memorizing the familiar lines, dents and swirls. A sigh parted her plump lips. No, she wasn't tired - she was bored. Normally, Rei couldn't be found during the daylight hours, mainly because she spends all of her time in the forest or in hiding. Partly because she doesn't like people. Truthfully because she doesn't trust people. In her opinion, she had no reason to trust anyone. All her life, she had been screwed over. Why start now? What made now any different? The answer Rei knew all too well - it wasn't. There wasn't any imaginable reason as to how it would benefit her to trust people. What was she going to get out of the deal? A couple friends and a good feeling for a half hour? That hardly compared to the years of hurt she'd feel afterward. The petite girl let out a chuckle at that. "Hardly is an understatement," the girl told herself, keeping her private thoughts where they belonged - in her mind. She rolled over, throwing her pale legs out from under her bedspread and onto the floor. She was bitter, and she knew it. If, however, she was going to spend another night justifying her reasons for remaining a solitary creature, she was going to need something to eat. A loud grumble from the pit of her flat stomach confirmed that thought. Of course, because of her hatred of people and all, she choose to skip out on eating dinner that night. In fact, she had skipped out on eating every meal. It wasn't as if it was a big deal anyway, considering that the kitchens were open 24/7. They, of course, were Rei's favorite place to eat. Rarely ever did she meet someone in the kitchens while being waited on by the house elves. It was perfect - an unlimited supply of food and no one to bother her while she ate it. Perfect. The girl flashed one of her rare smiles and pushed her small frame up from the bed. She ran her pallid fingers through her thick black mane, tossing it around as she went. The sweet aroma of her banana shampoo sent her sense ablaze, driving her stomach into another fit of grumbles and gurgles. Feeling pressured, she sank to the floor. A rustle of blankets and a groan forced her to pause in her movements. One of her roommates, of whom she forgot their names, peeked her head around from her divider. Upon seeing Rei on the floor, she groaned and pulled the covers over her head again. They were used to seeing the nocturnal wonder rustling for a jacket at midnight. Seeing Rei Stronski on the floor, oddly awake, at midnight was nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, her roommates would probably be more surprised to see Rei smile at them and strike up a conversation. Hell, they'd be surprised if Rei actually called them by name. Rei, of course, would never do that, but they could dream. "Aha!" The girl whispered. She lugged the thin black hoodie out from under a pile of discarded clothes and threw it over her small shoulders. Flashing a triumphant smirk, she pulled it close to her body and slipped out of the dorm, leaving her roommates to their much-loved sleep. The Slytherin through the tunnels, passed through the common room, and navigated her way through more tunnels before she emerged in a corridor. Shutting the door behind her, Rei bid goodbye to the dungeons she loved so much. If the kitchens could have been placed in here, she would have been truly happy. Sadly, you can't always get what you want. The petite girl would just have to settle for a silent dinner by herself. That was, after all, good enough. If she liked some of the people a little more, maybe she would bring herself to actually eat meals in the Great Hall like a normal human being. No matter what, Rei could always find a reason not to socialize, especially at meal times. It wasn't as if she thought she was better than anyone - absolutely not. It was the fact that her paranoia wouldn't allow her to have a normal meal. Everywhere she looked, she was positive that someone was staring back at her, judging her. And where she wasn't looking, someone was talking about her, passing off a new rumor to spread. She was infamous - the original Slytherin wacko, the Ice Queen, the psycho, the freak. That part of her reputation was one hundred percent true. The "rumors" that were supposedly spread at mealtimes were totally Rei's own creations. Her paranoia, present even when she was little, had been a driving factor to why she didn't spend any time with anyone. In her delusional mind, everyone was out to get her. She pushed her closest friends away, including two boyfriends, all because she had trust issues. The whole thing probably stemmed from her father's death a year ago. He had been her security blanket - her protector. He was gone, and Rei felt she didn't have anyone to protect her. So, she compensated by being sarcastic, bitter and solitary. It wasn't the life she wanted, but it was the life she chose, so she stuck with it. The girl sucked in a breath, her own version of a chuckle. Lifting an arm, she let her fingers gently trace over the familiar shapes and patterns in the wall. She had traded her social life for a different life, indeed. However, Rei wasn't totally unhappy. She had given herself a chance to learn the castle in a way that no one else really got to. Yes, she was solitary and constantly alone, but that gave her a chance to explore. She thought of the castle as her friend. "Yeah," the girl spoke, breaking the silence around her. "Like that doesn't sound pathetic." She sighed again, shaking herself out of her thoughts of the past. Her trailing fingers came into contact with the familiar painting. Smiling, the Slytherin spoke the password, her voice a clear bell in the darkness. The painting swung open, revealing a world of of hustle and bustle, of which Rei placed herself into, the portrait swinging shut behind her. Everywhere around her, house elves ran this way and that, preparing the food they would serve for tomorrow. Everywhere around her sweet aromas hit her nose, sending her stomach into a frenzy of growls and pleas. A tug on her jeans woke Rei from her food-based trance. She moved her gaze to the floor, where a small elf was waiting with baited breath. She smiled, explained that she wanted a banana split and sent the elf on his way. As he ran, Rei looked up again, expecting to see only elves. However, that wasn't what she saw. Standing in front of her, across an island, was a fellow student - Shane Riordan. Rei had never exactly spoken to him enough to know everything about him, but she knew of him. He, like herself, had obviously been looking for a night alone. The red blush slowly crept up her neck as Rei moved toward the island. Feeling both awkward for intruding upon his quiet night, and bitter that hers had been ruined, Rei had absolutely no idea what her plan was now. She stopped a foot from the island. Her arms wrapped around her body, pulling her hoodie close to her pale flesh. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be down here. I'll just grab something to eat and leave." She looked down at her feet, then up at Shane, then back down at her feet again, repeating the process several more times. She was awkward, but she was also bitter. She bit her lip, however, biting back all of the bitter and sarcastic comments she could say. Tonight, she wasn't looking for a fight. Tonight, she just wanted to be left alone. No doubt, the male across from her saw her as an annoying, frightened bunny. The last thing he would want to do was spend time with Rei, and the last thing she wanted to do was spend time with him. At least, that's what she told herself. |
This one is from &. Midnight Snacking with Shane. Yes, the length is CRAZY!long, but there is a lot of depth in this topic. I still have issues now and then with my comma usage, but if you look, it's gotten a lot better. Comparing these posts really shows the time line of my writing and composition here at WR. The differences are obvious, at least to me. :)
Plots:
Other:
Ivory Vein - July 12, 2009 02:52 AM (GMT)
Lovey, I’m actually going to keep this really short and sweet. No way, no how am I going through all your posts in all your topics, because I already know what they look like; they’re long, yes, but they hold substance. They aren’t just some ramblings to make the posts look impressive and make other people say “ZOMG She’s amazing at RPing”. Nope – they’re interesting, have something to them, and give great insight to what Rei’s thinking or feeling. Personally, they make me want to post a little bit more each time just to match the length, and it also makes me try and match the substance.
So, to keep it short, I shall run through the requirements for Elite and be done with it. =]
Other than that, I don’t have much else to add. =] You meet the requirements in RP, and I personally think that you will OOCly as well. With that being said, I approve you for Elite. =)
So, to keep it short, I shall run through the requirements for Elite and be done with it. =]
- Spelling and grammar should be impeccable: No one has impeccable spelling or grammar, but yours is pretty dang close – about as close as any of us Elites have. I’ve noticed almost no problems with it, so that’s a check to this.
Plots: While they may not be the same that you had developed prior to your hiatus, they are plots that are major for any character. Odds are good that nothing will be patched up in one topic, so that means that each person you roleplay with that has any hand in any of Rei’s plotting will have more than one topic to turn to with her. It’ll be good development for her as well.
Criticism: One of the requirements is that you offer some sort of constructive criticism to those that are of equal or lower rank, and I haven’t seen much of this. You mentioned that you forgot you could offer a suggestion that someone be bumped up in rank, and that’s fine, but I haven’t noticed anything in the profile workshop either. It doesn’t mean that you haven’t been doing it in some way or another, it just means that it hasn’t been very visible. This might be one of the only things that anyone else reviewing you might hold against you.
Other than that, I don’t have much else to add. =] You meet the requirements in RP, and I personally think that you will OOCly as well. With that being said, I approve you for Elite. =)
Byron Biswensky - July 12, 2009 02:54 PM (GMT)
EVERY THING YOU SAID THE THE, 'Why should you move up' section was spot on. I have rped with you. I have followed your character. You rock. You deserve this.
I APPROVE YOU FOR ELITE.
GREAT WORK!
I APPROVE YOU FOR ELITE.
GREAT WORK!
Vorian Atreides - July 12, 2009 02:54 PM (GMT)
Your writing skills are definitely at Elite, there is no question about that. I don't really look for writing skills at Elite because usually they were always there. What I do look at is characterization. I see the ranking system less as a "how good are your writing skills", but more of an innate understanding of your character (even if you reset their plot). Reading your topics I see that you have an excellent grasp on your character, so much so that you are able to basically start over and the strong points of your character are still there.
I approve you for Elite.
This is a review however and I have to point out something. The only thing I could find was speaking to other characters in (). Keep that to PM, I've been guilty of it myself, but it sort of stops the whole "we are completely in character" vibe that you have going with your posts.
Great Job! You should go for leveling up your other characters too!
I approve you for Elite.
This is a review however and I have to point out something. The only thing I could find was speaking to other characters in (). Keep that to PM, I've been guilty of it myself, but it sort of stops the whole "we are completely in character" vibe that you have going with your posts.
Great Job! You should go for leveling up your other characters too!
Vorian Atreides - July 12, 2009 02:58 PM (GMT)
Congratulations on all of your hard work! Your topic is now being moved to the Elite Showcase!