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 Cambria Raines - Beginner
Nadya · 18 · 6th · -- · Free Love · 5'3"
Gryffindor Beginner
Awards: 23

Feb 13 2018, 02:26 PM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Beginner
Link to character workshop topic: Here
At least two of your recent role play topics:
  • Sometimes I Think I Can See Right Through Myself
    This takes place early winter term. Cam stumbles on the mirror after having a nightmare and doesn't deal well with what she sees and is found by Cass. It's a plotline involving Cam making a new friend and possibly opening up about what happened to her mother.
  • Mad World
    Prentiss and Cam reunite. The two were close friends back in Ilvermorny, however Cam didn't expect to see them again. This is a plotline of Cam reconnecting with an old friend and also mentions the background plot of the relationship with her father and his parents - in this one she is contemplating the letter she'll be sending her father.
  • Memes and Dreams
    I tossed this one in because it's a more light-hearted view of Cam even if not much has happened yet. She finds out the new Muggle Studies Professor is a fan of her music and YouTube channel.
  • Wake Up and Hide and Don’t You F•••ing Know What You Are?
    I'm including these two, even though it's only my starter post so far, because they're both part of the background plotline concerning the letter she sent her father about not coming home for Christmas - because of how his parents treat her. In Wake Up... she has sent the letter and is having anxiety about it. Also this is the first thread involving her Rave Room. In Don't You... she gets a howler from her grandmother in reaction to her refusing to come home for the holidays. Dmitri has basically become the closest to a best friend that she has at Hogwarts so far and we plan to delve their friendship deeper in this one when she finally brings up her past.
Commentary: Cambria has really evolved from her sorting app to the point that there were parts of her personality section that I straight up disagreed with at this point and removed in her rewrite. She is very loosely based on a character that was a protag in a web comic I had been writing and my ex-husband illustrating, that obviously is now scrapped (and I didn't even realize the connection until after I started posting with her). She's the sort of character that seems really flippant and stereotypical rebellious teen on the surface but she has a lot of depth and passion that comes to light as she matures. Obviously, with my rambling I really enjoy writing her - she's a lot of fun even when her posts get dark - and I have a much clearer image of her since her initial profile. I feel like (or hope) it shows in her posts. I've been stuck between really liking her posts this term and being disappointed - I hit a writing slump over fall that I feel like I'm still struggling with but I'm determined to push through.
Stells Artois · 16 · 6th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'11
Awards: 158

Feb 13 2018, 04:30 PM   Link Quote

Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

god - captain / chaser
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These cute pixel and avatars were made by the most wonderful Evan ♡
ALICE · 17 · 7TH · CUPCAKE · SINGLE · 5'0
Awards: 9

Feb 24 2018, 05:41 PM   Link Quote
Hey Nadya! It's Alice and I will be your first reviewer for Cambria smile.gif I will be focusing more on your posts for this review, though I will of course read through and give feedback over everything. But first, here are the requirements!


what we’re looking for at beginner

  • At least 4 posts by your character over 2 threads. Your most recent post must be made within three months of the date of your application.
  • Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision of each section posted by you. (If you choose not to include an appearance section at sorting, you must include it when you post your workshop profile, and then provide a subsequent revision for this rank).
  • At the beginner rank, we are focused on building up your character. We will give you suggestions on how to expand your profiles and posts, particularly in regards to content, in order to gain as complete a picture of your character as possible. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.) and spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post. Additionally, we'd like to see that you have made an effort to expand all areas of the profile (i.e. not just personality or not just history).

That all looks mighty fine to me! With those necessary steps out of the way, let's just dive right on into the review~

Cambria is such a breath of fresh air. She has an edge to her that is refreshing and fun to read! This is conveyed quite easily with the descriptive way that you write, Nadya. With any of your characters, I feel as though you touch upon every detail that is necessary to convey a complete picture. Not too much, not too little. And this is quite evident with Cambria as well, though she colors your words with her own little bit of dramatic flair. Speaking of color, it is such a huge theme for her. Not only with her hair or eyes or clothes, but also with the way she talks to other people. She's not reserved or even meek, but colorful in the language she chooses. Hehe, that made me giggle a little. I clearly need a nap. ;) It's true, though! She has a unique way of speaking and I adore it to pieces. It was something that always stood out to me about Cambria, even when you and I plotted back in the day. I think it would be cool if that color theme translated over a bit into your posts with her.... maybe, as someone who seems so in tune with color, she notices the difference in colors more than others? Not necessarily in an artistic way, but like... you know how we associate anger as being red-hot or depression as something that's blue? I feel like that might be a neat way to tie things together, all things considered.

I like that you've started us out with putting Cambria into uncomfortable situations. From the get-go, you're already challenging her and yourself, forcing those reactions that will build depth and grow her as a character. "Cambria Raines doesn't cry, you know that shit." And yet she has... several times. Which is further proof of you growing and developing her into the person she is meant to be rather than where she started out. This, I believe, is where you begin to build her voice into something that is entirely her own. It's already hella unique, as I said above, but I like that you aren't afraid to tackle these more difficult interactions early on. Putting characters in a situation that makes them uncomfortable is something I typically suggest in a beginner review so... all I can say here is mad props to you for starting that early.

You already seem to be threading with quite a few different people - as well as genders, houses, and years - so keep that up. That's incredibly helpful for novice and intermediate. The wider a variety of people that she interacts with, the more you can flesh her out and begin to understand her reactions to various situations. Something I'm sure you already know! You have a lot of potential as well for plot arcs... especially since you started with such impactful threads. Build upon the support that you've built yourself and go for gold, here. I'm super excited to see where Cambria will go... if her edge will soften up a bit... or if she will become a bit more guarded. Only time and interactions will tell, yes? So in truth, I'm suggesting that you keep up the good work. Keep testing her in an attempt to learn and build on those reactions. Before you know it, you will have a potential arc and a frick ton of feels.

Just like with your posts, your profile offers a unique perspective on Cambria and lots of details. My suggestion here would be to expand and trim as necessary as you continue to write and learn more about her. I would just be careful in your descriptions to make sure that they aren't too vague - occasionally in your profile I get a bit lost in the description itself to the point where I lose the meaning. I usually solve this conundrum myself by quietly reading my profile out loud as I proofread. It gives me an idea of what will logically flow in another person's mind versus my own... considering I know how it's meant to read since I wrote it. Hopefully that makes sense. Otherwise, you've got a great base here and as you continue to write and learn more about her, you will have more to add! I have to say though, I love how fleshed out you've made her history so mad props to you there.

Overall, I approve you and @Cambria Raines for beginner! Congratulations. Once again, my biggest suggestion would be to go back through your profile and read aloud to ensure clarity and make sure it's easy to read! Then to possibly consider the incorporation of color into more aspects of her posts and writing... something to add to your style that's unique to her. Or not! Because, of course, style is all a matter of opinion. And then, of course, to continue with your variety of situations to get your plot arcs going. You're in a good place here so continue to work hard and you'll do amazing!

If you have any questions at all, feel free to PM me <33 Have a lovely day smile.gif


evan · 18 · 7th year · 🔪 · pureblood-ish · 6'0"
Smoosh Brigade
Awards: 29

Feb 28 2018, 04:00 PM   Link Quote
Hi, Nadya! I’m Evan, and I’m going to be your second reviewer, focusing on Cambria’s profile! :> Alice did a brill job at listing the requirements for beginner, which obviously you already fit, so we’ll move right ahead!

  It tends to turn heads, the flash of color that isn’t expected, and the petite lioness wouldn’t have it any other way.

So firstly, this is something I love from ^that^ quote (and also your whole profile as a whole): there’s a lot of cross-referencing between segments. When I’m reading about Cambria’s appearance, I love that I’m not just reading about how she looks. When someone has a unique look like Cam does, it often either shapes their personality or is caused by their personality, and I love that you’ve included little details like how her make-up is more than just makeup, it’s her “limitless form of expression”. I like that you mentioned how Cambria would be without her specific appearance, the make-up and the hair and whatnot. It shows her personality well and how, although you’ve emphasised that her fashion can rely on shock value, that she is the one with the personality, not her clothing. I’m also such a big fan of leading paragraphs: mentioning the way she “lives by her own soundtrack” at the end of this section, which then links to her importance of freedom in the next.
Something I would say about Cambria’s appearance is that it leads me wanting just a tiny bit more: I feel like you start pieces of information very well, but occasionally leave them… hanging! Like here:
Another aspect that some find odd, at least those that cling desperately to outdated labels, is when her clothing choices mix in items traditionally viewed as masculine. She, however, doesn’t categorize things in those terms and views clothes only as means of expression

The way you write this part of her appearance is really nice, but it just makes me want a bit more from it. Why doesn’t she categorise clothing by gender labels? Obviously not so much detail is required so as to distract from the appearance section, but I just feel like I want to know why for some little details like that.
Also, in the future, I would just try and make a specific label to which part each section of Cambria’s profile is referring to. Free-form is awesome, but it’s nice to have some specific “APPEARANCE” heading (or something similarly simple!) just to start from!

I love how you’ve written Cambria’s personality! This section makes it really clear that Cambria follows her own path and many of her own thought patterns and “rules” about society, which I really enjoy hearing about: things like her view on the “love spectrum”, or her difficulty keeping still. I noticed (and adore) that there seems to be a conscious choice as to when you’ve chosen to call her Cambria, and when you’ve chosen to call her “the lioness”: when she’s Cam who’s not so great with personal space, she’s Cambria; when she’s Cam who’s fiercely loyal to a fault she’s the lioness; and I really like the stark tone that creates. It shines a light on two quite different parts of her that meld together really well to create an interesting character: her strength and her quirkiness.

Over the years this did allow Cam to feed her drive to experience – often involving rapid floods of adrenaline – though she also learned at a young age to appreciate the moments of calm, at least as long as she could manage to sit still.

Again, much like with her appearance section, I find myself going “and then…?” here! You provide a lot of detail, but with some little parts like this I feel like some really interesting thins end up flying under the radar a bit. You focus a lot of Cambria’s extroversion: her sarcasm and humour, her scuffles with boredom, the way she lashes out when cornered. In the quote above you mention briefly “the moments of calm” that she’s learnt to appreciate, and then it seems the idea fades away. I want to know more about her calm times – when she’s wound up and needs to de-stress, what does she do? And even further, what does she do to de-stress apart from music? If she has no access to an instrument, if she’s too distracted to think of a song or lyrics? You give a really good view of Cambria with your personality section, but I’d just like to see more of her when she’s least like “herself”: when she’s struggling, when she’s at her lowest lows, when she’s having an anxiety attack.

As someone who works with children, I can tell you that kids are so incredibly interesting in terms of “who they are now” and, based on that, “who they will become”; so the fact that you’ve already started strong with a lot of talk about Cambria as a child is something I really adore. Discussing the way she acted as a child provides a really strong baseline to build upon for how much she has and hasn’t changed, without even mentioning it, so I like how you’ve done that.
As I’m sure you’re sick and tired used to me saying now, there’s just the odd line that leaves me wanting more. What made her choose kickboxing? What was Cambria’s reaction to first being introduced to the LGBT+ community, which she’s now a vocal advocate of? How did it affect her knowing that she was away from Rae for so long before her suicide? Did she feel to blame?

I adore the whole section about Cambria and Rae’s friendship, it feels genuine and the kind of thing that a real person would write about their best friend. All the little details: the emphasis on her hair (because of course an eight-year-old would go “whoa, cool hair!”); the fact that she messed up her skateboarding to impress Rae; her obvious crush… I love it! It’s a really heart-warming part of Cambria’s story that leads up to a crushing part which links nicely to her protectiveness: her absence leading to her “missing” Rae’s suicide would make sense in creating a Cambria that doesn’t dare let her friends down. It feels like you’ve put in an awful lot of thought.

her experimenting, both with drugs and sex – she felt a desperate need to feel something that wasn’t sadness, anger, loss.

This is a really effective quote, and it makes an interesting contrast to the way sex is mentioned in her personality section, but I can’t help but feel like we’re missing a link. When did sex change from being some desperate experimentation to prevent her low moods; to something with no difference between itself and friendship? I want to know more about how it became such a part of her life, her experimentation, her habits.

Overall, after looking at your profile, I am 100% happy to approve you and your darling @Cambria Raines for beginner. So woohoo, congratulations! I hope you have fun with your newly-ranked Cambria! Alongside my other suggestions I would also mention, as Alice did, just a little read-over to brush up any spelling or grammar errors – I found a few sentences a little hard to wrap my head around the first time reading them, and clarity is never something you can have too much of!

If you agree, disagree, or just have questions, feel free to drop me a PM!

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