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 these sins are washing over me (can you hear me?), Annie & Alec
Aleksander Daskalov
 Posted: Mar 8 2017, 08:03 PM
Quote

"The bloodbath of Bulgaria, the bastard of Ballycastle."

AGE:
18
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
Viridian Guild
HEIGHT:
5'11"
STATUS:
Half-Veela
POSTS:
1512
Rep: 45 pts [ + | - ]

Aleksander Daskalov
© Teej // he/him/his
Awards: 26



If it wasn't Severin, then it was Alec.

Of course, this was all in reference to the people who somehow seemed to balance the chaos walking that was Sascha Klaus. Severin Larsson and Alexander Kingsley: one was his lover and the other his "big brother", yet the impact that each snake had on his life was much the same. Severin, while calm, failed at times to get Sascha to be quiet, whereas Alec always had his ways of getting Sascha to stop making everything about him. Not that he was all that selfish... He wasn't, not really, but when Alec talked there was a part of Sascha that almost felt commanded to listen. He was older, wiser-- and even when he was faced with his own tragedies he stood calmer in the face of adversity, yet another thing he held over Sascha. Not to mention he was a better keeper, too.

But today was different. Today was a necessity, if not for the reason that Sascha was being irrational then for the fact that he just hadn't been seeing much of Alexander. Especially not since he was dating that Ravenclaw-- Beauregard was it? Either way, the bird was taking all of the time that Sascha had allowed himself to grow accustomed to, and even if it did serve to make Alec happier it wasn't doing much for Sascha. They would have to discuss this. He just couldn't keep going this way if Severin was going to be busy, too, no; Alec would have to fill that void without question. He just didn't know it yet. Surprise, Sascha's here to stay.

Pushing his way up and into the seventh year boy's dormitories, it was of a great sadness that Sascha discovered Alec was nowhere to be found. "Oh but of course not," he thought almost spitefully to himself, throwing his schoolbag to a heap on the floor beside the seventh year's bed. If Alec was going to do this... This thing in which he didn't have enough time for Sascha, well, the Bulgarian was just going to have to force his way into the elder boy's plans. It wasn't ideal maybe, but it worked for Sascha. It worked because he was far too stubborn than to ever let it not. Did Alec even realize the trouble he'd got himself into? Probably not.

Letting out an exasperated sigh as he spun in place, he flopped dramatically onto Alec's bed, kicking his shoes off before sending his feet flying into the air above him and pulling wildly at the blankets with his hands. "If you're going to make me wait then I'm going to take a nap in your bed," he said to no one in particular, positioning himself under the blankets and reclining comfortably against the softness of Alec's bed. Was this why he was such a good keeper? Or more than that, why he was so calm? It was like he slept on clouds or something, while the rest of them slept on beds that were... Well, beds. He'd been hiding more than just his boyfriend, apparently. "Hey, maybe I should send him an owl that I'm in his bed... Or would that be weird?" Closing his eyes he never found the answer, and instead sank into a momentary slumber as the cloud-like comfort of Alec's bed seemed to swallow him. If Alec was going to avoid him... Well, he'd answer for it now.

---
@Alexander Kingsley

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Alexander Kingsley
 Posted: Aug 4 2017, 07:48 PM
Quote

"saltier than the dead sea"

AGE:
17
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
N/A
HEIGHT:
6'3
STATUS:
Pureblood
POSTS:
659
Rep: 13 pts [ + | - ]

Alexander Kingsley
© Annie // she/her
Awards: 28



Avoiding Sascha had never been the plan. No, the plan had been to cut back on spending time with Sascha so that he had more time to devote to Beau, who always seemed to feel just the slightest bit left out. But then, of course, Beau being happy (ish) meant that Sascha was cranky and left out, and Alec was just done with both of them. He would just. Stop spending time with humans and go live in the forest instead. He could watch animals frolic, and become so ordinary to them that birds would think nothing of perching on his shoulder or in his hand to watch him with their beady, observant little eyes. Perhaps deer would come close to eat near him without being afraid. Maybe he could befriend a unicorn.

Sadly, as lovely as the fantasy spun by his imagination was, it was thoroughly unrealistic, and so Alec was left to climb the stairs to his dormitory, letting his hand drag against the rough stone of the wall as he went. It tugged at his skin; not enough to hurt, but enough to let him feel. Which was something he hadn't been doing much of lately, due to reasons that he didn't like dealing with. It was far easier to shove them deep, deep down to let them settle somewhere past his gallbladder, where he didn't have to pay attention to them unless someone reached in and forcibly yanked them back out to be displayed to the world. Thanks Father.

His intention, upon reaching his room, was to collapse on his bed, perhaps smother himself with a pillow, and then think about all of the ways he could have snapped at people today and didn't. But alas. Such a comforting thing was, unfortunately, impossible, seeing as there was a boy in his bed. And not the sort of boy he wanted in his bed either, thank you very much. "Do you not have your own bed to sleep in?" the seventh year asked wryly, kicking off his shoes and shedding his jacket and bag as he slowly made his way over to his stolen bed. "I know you do, it probably has a pretty blond lad in it waiting for you to join him, so why on earth are you in mine?" Not that he was going to kick Sascha out, oh no. His friend had brought this on himself.

Instead of yanking at the blankets with the intent of rolling his friend onto the floor - which, honestly, had been his first instinct, though one he knew better than to act upon - Alec flopped on his bed, reclaiming half of it for himself and koalaing his long limbs around Sascha's body to drag him closer. If the younger snake was going to insist on stealing his bed, he would have to subject himself to being mercilessly cuddled to death by someone who could possibly crush him if given the proper motivation. Because Alec could. And would. And would use magic to aid him if he felt it necessary. "So," he began, once he was settled, "tell me. What on earth are you doing here?" Had he neglected Sascha more than he had originally thought? Drat.

@Sascha Klaus

--------------------

The Notorious Nundu


◎ KEEPER
"SEA SALT"


#07 - ALEXANDER KINGSLEY
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Aleksander Daskalov
 Posted: Aug 9 2017, 08:08 PM
Quote

"The bloodbath of Bulgaria, the bastard of Ballycastle."

AGE:
18
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
Viridian Guild
HEIGHT:
5'11"
STATUS:
Half-Veela
POSTS:
1512
Rep: 45 pts [ + | - ]

Aleksander Daskalov
© Teej // he/him/his
Awards: 26



"I do have my own bed-- but do you really have a problem with me being in yours?"

He was kidding, of course, and yet there was a part of him that wanted Alec to say no. He was feeling needy today, needier than usual, and there was really nothing that he could do to stop it from rolling over him like a freight train full of bodies. Not that he needed to be that descriptive... Alexander Kingsley was quite used to the levels of drama he brought to the table. "I could leave, but if I leave I think we both know that it'll only be long enough to get a snack and come back. You've been spending a lot of time with Beau, Alec-- today is mine."

As the older snake pulled him closer, there was a distant part of Sascha that felt happier than usual, warmer even to have Alec embracing him in such a way. "Do I have to have a reason to be here? I mean, okay... I am here because I don't want to be in my own bed, but if you want a better reason than that I don't think I have one. Maybe I just wanted to ruin your day. Is that fair? Can I ruin your day, or is it already ruined? Tell me, Alec."

Shoving Alec playfully, he nuzzled closer to his friend, hands resting in the middle of Alec's chest as he wrapped one over the other. It was a simple exchange, nothing fancy, but for the first time in what'd felt like weeks, things didn't seem so chaotic for Sascha. Was this what Beau saw in Alec? This calming nature? Hell, before now Sascha had never really known what it was like to see the softer side of Alec, let alone feel it. It was kind of nice.

"I think... I think I just needed to see you. I don't really want you to think that I'm not happy for you and Beau-- because I really am-- but I don't get a lot of these moments anymore. I'm happy that Beau gets them... That you're getting them, Alec-- but I'm not used to having to share you with anyone and so I guess I"m a lot more selfish than usual." Sighing, he looked up at Alec, eyes lingering over the statuesque features of his friend as he tried to find the rest of what he needed to say. "Do you ever imagine yourself somewhere else? Loving someone else? Because I think... I think that's where I'm at, and I really need you to tell me that I'm not crazy."

"Because really... Crazy is the one thing I feel so strongly right now."

---
@Alexander Kingsley

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Alexander Kingsley
 Posted: Aug 10 2017, 09:08 PM
Quote

"saltier than the dead sea"

AGE:
17
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
N/A
HEIGHT:
6'3
STATUS:
Pureblood
POSTS:
659
Rep: 13 pts [ + | - ]

Alexander Kingsley
© Annie // she/her
Awards: 28



The way his best friend was snuggled against him made Alec feel protective almost, as if Sascha was a small child who needed to be sheltered from the world. It felt... Nice. He liked that Sascha trusted him enough to allow himself to be cradled and protected. It was sweet. With the softest of sighs, the older Slytherin tucked the younger's head under his chin, a minuscule but fond smile tugging at his lips at the feeling of Sascha's hair brushing against his skin. "You could never ruin my day." The snake didn't like dealing in absolutes, preferring to avoid using words like always and never because he never knew when the rug would be pulled out from under him. But Sascha needed stability. He needed something he could count on. And Alec was determined to let that something be him.

"Oh..." His voice trailed off, words smothered under the weight of all of the apologies clamoring to be set free. "I understand. I promise." An apology couldn't even to begin to make up for the neglect that Sascha had no doubt been experiencing, and so, because the seventeen year old was a believer in not wasting words, he chose to side step it altogether. Instead, he did his best to convey how sorry he was through the way he curled himself around Sascha as if to guard him, how he freed one of his hands so that he could cover Sascha's seemingly fragile ones. "I promised you I would take care of you, and... and I have not been doing so." Then again, he had been under the assumption that that was the job of Sascha's significant other. It was what he did for Beau, was it not?

Tilting his head down, Alec rested his forehead against that of his best friend. They were so close he fancied he could count each and every one of the younger Slytherin's eyelashes, and it was with an unnecessary amount of effort that he convinced himself not to do so. That sort of thing was completely unnecessary, not to mention ridiculous and stupid. Besides. He already had enough things to admire on Beau, why bother trying to find pretty things about other boys? One was enough. More than enough. "Wh..." And once again, he found himself trailing off, brow furrowing. "I. You are not crazy, Sascha. Why would you think that?"

As for the second part of the question, the boy gave himself a moment to mull it over, turning the words over and over in his mind. "I think so," he answered at last, nodding decisively as if to drive his point home. "I am only seventeen, Sascha, it is thoroughly unreasonable to believe that I have already met the love of my life. This is real life, not a fairy tale." What he thought, but did not say, was that he did not need to bother with real love anyway. Why should he, when he was meant to be betrothed and married to some vapid pureblood girl of whom his parents approved? Loving someone else was a fantasy. Marrying for status, money, approval; those were the realities. But he didn't need to poison Sascha's mind. He could find out for himself.

@Sascha Daskalov

--------------------

The Notorious Nundu


◎ KEEPER
"SEA SALT"


#07 - ALEXANDER KINGSLEY
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Aleksander Daskalov
 Posted: Sep 2 2017, 02:38 PM
Quote

"The bloodbath of Bulgaria, the bastard of Ballycastle."

AGE:
18
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
Viridian Guild
HEIGHT:
5'11"
STATUS:
Half-Veela
POSTS:
1512
Rep: 45 pts [ + | - ]

Aleksander Daskalov
© Teej // he/him/his
Awards: 26



"I believe you, I do." His words were sharp, pointed right at the chest of the older snake, yet there was a certain warmness behind his eyes. "I really wish I knew what it is that you do, or how it is that you do it, every time I'm sad. I know you're good with animals, but I'm not exactly a four-legged creature. A being, maybe, but not a forest dweller..." Words trailing off, he shook his head. He was talking in circles that didn't need to be formed, delaying with some hope the conversation that he wasn't ready to have. He'd asked-- he'd asked because he genuinely wanted to know if Alec ever envisioned himself with someone else, and yet with some thought, he realized that it was a lot darker than the average conversation. Sascha was nothing if not consistent in his prying.

"It's not that I think I'm crazy, it's that I know I am. Can you honestly say that you don't think I'm even a little bit off? You can be honest." Shrugging his shoulders, Sascha rubbed his head slowly against the shape of Alec's chin, eyes closing as he moved his left hand closer to Alec's heartbeat. "I have a lot of those moments where I'm like, "Should I freak out about this? Should I let it go?", and more times than not I go right off the rails. It's caused division everywhere... It's caused a lot. Or me. I have. The real reason I don't want to go to Severin, you see... Is because we're no longer together. Going to you wasn't a second choice or anything, but, well... Yeah. I couldn't go to him even if I wanted to. That chapter has closed."

He tried to hide the bitterness in his tone, the dejection of realizing that they just simply weren't meant to be. It wasn't like he'd started out thinking they would make it-- their first meeting was certainly odd enough-- but as time had passed, things had felt like they would. Sure, they were young, but didn't young people fall in love and then marry all the time? There were movies about it at least, so clearly that made it true. "And I'm not saying that for you to feel pity for me, alright? Things happen. We are both going to be in better places because of it, because we've always been strong I think... But right now, I guess, the emotions of thinking someone may not make me feel that way again is the scary part. Yet as you've said, we're young-- this isn't forever."

Realizing suddenly that his words could be portrayed as a death sentence for Alec's relationship, however, he found himself quickly retracting. "I mean, that's not to say that you and Beau aren't going to make it. There's something really sweet about the way you are with him-- you don't smile for just anybody, you know." Patting rhythmically against Alec's chest, tracing lines in the other boy's shirt, he titled his head up and away just enough to be able to look into Alec's eyes. They were so beautiful, but the emotion of that felt... Wrong. Dirty even. He couldn't really be catching feelings for him, could he? That would really go over well.

"Beau does something to you that I don't think you even see. You're a better person because of what you do with and for him, a happier person. That might seem like a small thing, but it's really not. You love him, Alec. Don't tell yourself you can't have it just because you don't think you deserve it." Leaning forward, his foot rubbed awkwardly against Alec's, and yet Sascha ignoring the tickling sensation just long enough to plant a kiss on the boy's cheek. "It doesn't have to be doom and gloom, yeah? Live a little. You look absolutely beautiful when you paint a smile on your face."

---
@Alexander Kingsley

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Alexander Kingsley
 Posted: Sep 3 2017, 08:50 AM
Quote

"saltier than the dead sea"

AGE:
17
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
N/A
HEIGHT:
6'3
STATUS:
Pureblood
POSTS:
659
Rep: 13 pts [ + | - ]

Alexander Kingsley
© Annie // she/her
Awards: 28



"The hard part isn't doing things to make you feel better," Alec informed his friend gently, stroking his thumb over the sharp point of Sascha's cheekbone in an effort to soften him up a little. "The hard part is watching you be upset. I hate it when you're sad." Had Sascha come to him in tears, Alec knew his brain would have gone on autopilot, doing anything he possibly could to banish those tears and bring back his best friend's sunshine smile. The world was a brighter place when Ssacha smiled; how could he let that be marred by a bit of rain and not do anything to help?

Carefully, Alec curled his fingers over Sascha's, enveloping the other snake's smaller hand in his own large one. "Oh Sascha..." How could he have missed this? He prided himself on being a considerate friend, one who his friends could count on; how could he have missed that Sascha and Severin were no more? And they had seemed so solid too, like they were able to run to each other and lean on each other, no matter what sort of tragedies befell them. So what did that mean for Alec and Beau? If not even Sascha and Severin could make it work, what hope did he and Beau have? They couldn't even display their affection openly; they were forced to hide and sneak around and hope to any deity who happened to be listening that they would not be caught. How could they hope to have any future together at all?

"You are not crazy, and..." The seventeen year old hesitated, his words caught in sticky glue in his throat. He swallowed hard, drawing them up as if drawing water from a particularly old, stubborn well. "I smile for you, you know." He released Sascha's hand on impulse, cupping his chin. "I love you." And then, realizing how that sounded, "You're my family, Sascha. My brother, remember?" But unlike before, words that had once tasted so sweet now felt bitter and heavy. Wrong, somehow. Alec didn't particularly wish to examine that feeling any closer, however, as he was not sure that he would like what he found, and he was feeling far too warm and soft and content at this moment to wish to spoil that with unneeded analysis of his feelings. Bah.

They were close now, so close that Alec could feel Sascha's breath on his face, and he adjusted his position to wrap his arm around the other snake's waist, holding him securely against his body and tapping his fingers on the notches of his spine, as rhythmically as if he were picking out a tune on the piano. It was only fitting - the way Sascha's life had gone could easily be written as a symphony, each up and down a crescendo and decrescendo, music swelling with each smile and drawing back with each tear. "Me? Beautiful?" A choked laugh slipped past his lips, and he shook his head, dropping a kiss onto Sascha's forehead. "How can you say that when you look like this? You are sunshine, Aleksander. The rest of us? We don't compare."

And yes. He was very stubbornly ignoring the way Sascha's kiss still burned on his cheek.

@Aleksander Daskalov

--------------------

The Notorious Nundu


◎ KEEPER
"SEA SALT"


#07 - ALEXANDER KINGSLEY
PMAIM
^
Aleksander Daskalov
 Posted: Sep 19 2017, 07:09 PM
Quote

"The bloodbath of Bulgaria, the bastard of Ballycastle."

AGE:
18
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
Viridian Guild
HEIGHT:
5'11"
STATUS:
Half-Veela
POSTS:
1512
Rep: 45 pts [ + | - ]

Aleksander Daskalov
© Teej // he/him/his
Awards: 26



It wasn't that he didn't want to listen to what Alec had to say, although in ways he didn't, but more so that he and Alec had always viewed things very differently. Alec hated to see Sascha sad-- which the boy understood-- but the way in which he viewed Sascha's sadness was a lot more dramatic than that of the Bulgarian, a lot more like a major plot twist in some cheesy movie. Was Sascha cheesy? Sure, and okay, he was a little dramatic... But did Alec really need to worry as much as he did? The short answer (at least for Sascha) had always been no, and yet if there was anything concrete about Alexander Kingsley it was that he was sternly decisive. Sascha could try and change his mind a million times, or a million and one, but Alec would always have the last laugh. He was just stubborn like that.

"Sssh, Alec, please. Don't." Lifting a finger to the taller boy's lips he tapped them slowly, blue eyes stern in their own right as he pleaded with his friend not to say anything further. "These things happen. It might not make it right, or okay, but they happen. I'll be fine. If you're going to be sad for something, be sad for the fact that I didn't tell you sooner. Actually, you know what-- get mad at me. Anything is better than being sad over my relationship. That's my pain to face and I will. You just worry about you."

He tried to be reassuring in his speech, dropping the plea from his tone and replacing it carefully with strength, yet even then he knew that Alec wasn't going to let things go. It was only when the subject changed again that Sascha took a deep breath, relieved for the moment at least that things didn't have to be so heavy. "Alexander Kingsley, you stop that! Stop that right now. If you tell me you smile for me that might give me ideas-- and you know how wild my imagination can be." There was a playful warmth behind his words, but as Alec's fingers lingered a little longer around his chin there was an uncomfortable tingling in the pit of his stomach, almost like butterflies. Feelings. "Yeah-- no, of course I know you love me. I love you too, Alec-- as a brother, yeah."

He thought that he was going to be able to breathe; that at some point, Alexander Kingsley would stop taking his words and his hands and destroying the foundation of strength that he had built for himself, but again he was proven wrong. Alec was destroying him-- maybe not intentionally, but in the way that he touched Sascha there was something that felt very... Correct? They had only ever really hugged before, but the way that Alec pulled him in was like the embrace of a long-lost lover. It felt nice; it felt right, and suddenly Sascha found himself asking all the wrong questions to his inner self. "Should I feel this way?" "Has he always smelled this good?" He tried to shake it off, to forget the thoughts, but Alec's voiced cracked his barriers again and he fell to pieces.

Not literally, but almost.

"Yes, you. Alec, it's almost criminal the way that you don't see how beautiful you are. Sure, you're a little rough around the edges-- at least in the sense that you can be harsh, but... You're one of the gentlest souls that I've ever come to know, in a place where I didn't think I'd find it. Do you know how rare that is?" Smirking, he jumped just slightly at the impact of Alec's lips on his forehead, praying to the Gods above that the older boy wouldn't feel the rapid beating from his chest's center. "I-- there's no sense in comparing yourself or anyone to me, you know? I'm half-veela for God's sake. I have an advantage of sorts..." Shrugging his shoulders, it was at that moment that he realized how tense he had allowed himself to become, his shoulders aching as he fell tighter to Alec. Not that it would help things-- no, that only made it worse, because now Sascha felt bold. Daring enough to say what he'd never said before-- just great. "Alexander Kingsley... Do you know what you've done? You've made me want to kiss you, and if I could... If it wouldn't sink a thousand ships, I would."

---
@Alexander Kingsley

--------------------

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Alexander Kingsley
 Posted: Sep 20 2017, 09:28 AM
Quote

"saltier than the dead sea"

AGE:
17
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
N/A
HEIGHT:
6'3
STATUS:
Pureblood
POSTS:
659
Rep: 13 pts [ + | - ]

Alexander Kingsley
© Annie // she/her
Awards: 28



Sometimes Sascha made sense. And then sometimes he made Alec want to bite him. There was a finger on his mouth and Alec wanted to nip at it, to scold him for thinking that being bossy was acceptable behavior for anyone but himself. Because clearly, bossiness was Alec's department. He didn't like to share. "But I worry about you," he muttered grumpily, his words slightly mangled by the finger over his mouth. "I can't help it. You're kind of a disaster, brother of mine." Kind of. If Alec was going to die before a reasonable age, it was going to be entirely Sascha's fault, and he was never ever going to let his best friend forget it. Sascha was a heart attack wrapped in a very lovely outside. Was it any wonder that Alec had trust issues when it came to this (admittedly beautiful) boy?

He did not like that he had noticed how well they fit together. In a way, he felt as if he were betraying Beau. Which was ridiculous, since Beau knew that Alec and Sascha were as close as family, and therefore them enjoying each other's company was only natural. Wasn't it? Or was there something wrong about the way Alec's stomach was insisting on dancing in horrifying rhythms at the feeling of Sascha's warmth against his chest? "You do not get to do this to me," he mumbled into his friend's hair, grateful that the lack of eye contact allowed him to redden from his cheeks up to the tips of his ears. What this was, he did not intend on going into more detail. Sascha already had too much of his heart that belonged solely to him, he did not get to know how much more there was for him to take possession of.

"Sascha." Alec's voice cracked horrifyingly as he spoke. He was burning up, flames leaping up and burning him from his core. Sascha should leave. He should let go, make some sarcastic comment about returning to his own bed, pretend like nothing was happening. But here he was, falling in deeper and deeper, so deep that the light above his head was fading and there was a good chance he would never be able to claw his way back out. And Merlin, at this point he wasn't even sure if he wanted to. "What are you doing, you know I'm allergic to compliments!" That was far easier than saying how he was really feeling - that Sascha was the person he would be proud to walk down the hall holding hands with, that Sascha was the one he would gladly turn his back on his family for. But he shouldn't be feeling that way.

His grip tightened on his best friend for a split second, before he released him completely, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling. Sascha wanted to kiss him. And Alec couldn't. He wouldn't. But even as those thoughts crossed his mind, he found himself rolling back onto his side to draw Sascha in, sealing his lips over the Bulgarian boy's. Even though it was wrong, even though it was probably going to destroy everything they had ever worked for in terms of their friendship, he couldn't be bothered to care. Not when kissing his best friend made his stomach flip and his heart pound and his mind go completely blank. Not when Sascha's kiss stole his breath completely away.

@Aleksander Daskalov

--------------------

The Notorious Nundu


◎ KEEPER
"SEA SALT"


#07 - ALEXANDER KINGSLEY
PMAIM
^
Aleksander Daskalov
 Posted: Sep 21 2017, 04:25 PM
Quote

"The bloodbath of Bulgaria, the bastard of Ballycastle."

AGE:
18
YEAR:
7th
HOUSE:
Slytherin
CLASH:
Viridian Guild
HEIGHT:
5'11"
STATUS:
Half-Veela
POSTS:
1512
Rep: 45 pts [ + | - ]

Aleksander Daskalov
© Teej // he/him/his
Awards: 26



There was a part of Sascha that regretted saying those words. It was a minimal part, a very minimal part, but nonetheless, he knew he'd crossed a line. He had always spoken so highly, so optimistically for Alec and Beau's relationship, and yet now-- now it looked as though he had been nothing more than a liar. He had told Alec that Beau would give him the world, and that, no matter how he felt on his worst days that Beau would be able to drag him out of it-- but was that true? Had he ever truly wanted Alec to find his love in the heart and arms of another boy? "Alec I..." he tried to speak, his words muted by the sudden dryness of his mouth. Could he say it? Would he? "You know that I didn't mean that-- right? I mean it was a joke, nothing more. I shouldn't have said that."

Eyes scanning the other boy's face for some sense of approval, even disapproval, the butterflies in his stomach continued their transformation until they resembled small daggers. Had he just ruined everything? Had he taken the brotherhood he had with Alec and ruined that, all over a joke about kissing him? "Alec is going to think I'm weird," he mused anxiously to himself, "Or worse: Worse than that, he'll think that I don't respect him. That I don't respect Beau. This is going to change everything." His mind was racing, his heart beating like a drum trapped inside his chest... He could silence one, he could silence his mind by leaving, but the beating in his chest? It wouldn't fade, it was only getting louder-- couldn't Alec feel that?

Of course-- of course he could, because now he was letting go of Sascha and rolling away from him. That was it, wasn't it? Why else would he let go of Sascha? Why else would he turn away? "Alec I'm sorry, really-- I didn't mean to disrespect you and Beau, you know I love seeing you two together. It's just..." His gaze dropping, he tried to trace imaginary lines within the blanket of Alec's bed, his fingers shaking too severely to do so. It didn't feel any better to try and speak than it had previously, but at the same time, it had become far too nauseating to let the silence continue. If this was the end-- if it had to be, he would at least clear his conscious. "I never, ever want you to think that I don't respect you, okay? I'm-- Jesus they were just words-- but I'm sorry. I didn't mean--"

Before he could choke out another word, Alec's lips were against his, the warmth of the other boy's touch and his kiss serving to melt him completely into the bed. This isn't right. He knew it, Alec knew it, and yet the urge to pull away was the weakest sensation of all, with Sascha only doing as he reached to touch the other boy's face. That was too personal; touching him longingly would destroy their entire ocean, and as nice as the small benefits might've been from that, it needed to stop. It had to. "Alec... Alexander Kingsley." His breath was shallow, shaky hands settling firmly at the top of the other boy's chest. "Don't let me ruin your life. Don't let yourself follow my path. It might seem fun now, but... I'll ruin you. I ruin everything." Fingers sliding upward so that he could grip Alec by the shoulders, he leaned back into the taller boy, resting his head delicately against the statuesque form of his friend.

"I'm so sorry for ruining things, Al. You didn't deserve to be put through this."

---
@Alexander Kingsley

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Alexander Kingsley
 Posted: Sep 21 2017, 09:17 PM
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Alexander Kingsley
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Oh gods what had he done. Kissing Sascha was wrong, so wrong, and yet the urge to pull away was nonexistent. All he wanted to do was pull his friend closer, run his fingers through his hair, memorize the way Sascha felt in his arms. He didn't want to let go. And he didn't like that he felt that way, because goddamnit he had Beau and why did he not feel this way with Beau? Was it because Beau scared him? Was it because Sascha was familiar and comfortable and Alec did not feel like he needed to put on a show for him? He could just... be. He could be disgusting and muddy and sweaty from Quidditch practice and yet Sascha still wanted to be his friend. And he wanted to be his friend after witnessing Alec at his worst, after fights with his sister or letters from his parents. This could not be happening.

"You have ruined nothing." Alec's voice came out in a growl, his fingers cupping Sascha's chin firmly so that his friend could not turn his head away. "Ever since I met you - no, don't argue with me - ever since I met you you have made everything brighter." He laughed breathlessly, a short sharp sound, and quickly pressed his lips to Sascha's forehead, feeling as if he had been burned. It was as if Sascha radiated sunlight, his skin heated from the glow of it, and here Alec was, drinking it in as if he had been locked in a dungeon for the past year and had forgotten what sunlight felt like. How could he ever accept anything else after this? "You... you... ugh." How on earth did one articulate how much someone meant to them and actually make that person believe them? Especially when that person was Sascha and had such low self esteem that it made Alec worry for him?

Gently, he drew Sascha close, wrapping his arms around him a warm, secure embrace. "Aleksander, I never thought I could love someone the way I love you." He was completely sincere. Regardless of how Sascha chose to take what he had said, whether he interpreted it as romantic love or familial love, it was possibly the most honest thing he had ever told anyone. "I was not drawn to you because you were fun, I was drawn to you because you are so much more than what you show the world. You are kind, you're brilliant, you make me smile, you were the first person who made me consider abandoning my familial responsibilities... I don't know what I would do without you." Could he kiss him again? He wanted to. He really really wanted to.

Instead, he settled for pulling Sascha even closer, so close it felt that every inch of their bodies were aligned. He felt as if he couldn't breathe. But who cared? Who needed to breathe? "I never want to hear you saying you've ruined things for me, never again." If he hadn't convinced Sascha of his worth by now, it was potentially never going to happen, but that didn't mean he was going to give up. How could someone he loved so much not understand how wonderful he was? How could he not see that he was the reason Alec had ever considered being with Beau in the first place? If not for Sascha and Severin, Alec would never have kissed Beau. So really it was all Sascha's fault. "You are wonderful. And I will tell you that until you believe it."

@Aleksander Daskalov

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#07 - ALEXANDER KINGSLEY
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