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 The QQ, Vol II, Issue III
Lien Hong
 Posted: Jun 14 2016, 09:13 AM
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Lien HongHufflepuff Intermediate
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VOLUME II ISSUE III
  • L. Hong | Editor-in-Chief
    To The Victor Go The Spoils

    And so the end of the Quidditch season is finally upon us. Fans of the QQ need not despair though, because it’s not quite the end of your favorite student publication just yet. We’ll be putting out one last issue after this, with all the highlights of the season. I won’t reveal the exact details, so if you want to know how it all ends, you’ll just have to grab a copy once it’s out! It will definitely be one worth reading and re-reading.

    But that’s enough gratuitous advertisement for the last issue, I think, because right now, we have this issue to look forward to. Now, as our cover has probably already told you, this edition will be all about the winners of this Quidditch season, Slytherin!

    Now, depending on your house allegiance, the news is either something to celebrate or something to sigh over. Of course, as a Hufflepuff myself, I cannot help but feel a little disappointed my own House did not win. Still, I have to give the snakes credit because they truly did play a spectacular game---including some incredible plays by this editor’s very own girlfriend, Claudette Gautier. If that makes it sounds like it’s just my bias speaking, then I urge you read on, because you’ll definitely see by the end of this issue that the Slytherin Quidditch team did an amazing job this season.

    As I’ve mentioned before, Quidditch isn’t just a game. It’s a cultural phenomenon, a wave you can’t help but get swept into. Especially at Hogwarts, where games are divided by house teams, it’s an integral part of student culture. Even non-fans of the sport--like myself--find themselves invested purely because of House Pride. However, it’s important to note that while it can be a lot of good fun to root for your favorite teams, it shouldn’t get to the point of ruining inter-house relations. After all, at the end of the day, we’re all still fellow students at Hogwarts, regardless of House. So, no matter who you supported during the actual matches, I recommend that you give the snakes a congratulatory greeting on their win, because they deserve one.

    Congratulations, Slytherin!

  • THE QQ STAFF
    THEODORA KOENIG / COLUMNIST & INTERVIEWER
    Theodora Koenig here. I'm a columnist and interviewer for the Quidditch Quarterly. Though I don't play quidditch myself, my dear cousin Ralph Zuniga has been playing most of his life and has forced me into loving it much like he does. The outcome it that I can now rattle off more Pro Quidditch stats than almost anyone who actually plays and I've developed a deep interest in the mechanics of it. I hope you guys get some good out of what I write for you, and I hope you enjoy it!

    JACKIE WILLIAMSON / COLUMNIST & INTERVIEWER
    Greetings, Earthlings! I'm Jackie Williamson, your connection to the sun, stars and planet Krypton. I don't have any advice for space travel at the moment--except, beware asteroids!--because instead, I'm going to be talking all about a more Earthly, but equally magical sport. That's Quidditch, for you folks. I'm your go-to expert on this sport that would be great to play on the moon, and I'll be giving you all the scoop as an Interviewer & Columnist, as well as the co-captain for our very own Ravenclaw team! No bias though, I promise

    ANDREW LENSKI / INTERVIEWER
    Hello, this is Andrew Lenski! Did you know that Bowman Wright, the metal-charmer who made the first Golden Snitch, originally lived at Godric's Hollow? Apparently he had a cat named Quaffle Wright. Keep an eye out for more tidbits and trivia about Quidditch in this issue! I hope you're all enjoying the season so far!

    ERIK DWIGHT / COLUMNIST & INTERVIEWER
    Hello, this is Erik and it's the second time I ended up in this enormously shi- special newspaper for all the Quidditch-obsessed people out there. People, get a life and stop watching people chasing after balls! However, I am in charge of doing interviewers again and we all know that you are all dying to talk to me, so see you – maybe.

    LENNY PLUNKETT / COLUMNIST Salutations, old beans! This is your roving reporter, Leonard “Danger” Plunkett, coming at you like a thousand bullmastiffs straight from the bowels of hell with the hard hitting stories you may not want to hear. My interest in the actual game of quidditch ranges somewhere between ‘what’s a quoofle?’ to ‘this sucks I want to leave’. I’m here to delve deeper into her core, nose around behind the scenes and psycho-analyze what makes the players tick. Stick around, chums and chumettes. Things are about to get messy.

    LEVI COLE / INTERVIEWER
    Yo! I'm Levi Cole, and, because I totally lack the dedication for tutorials, I do interviews for the Quidditch Quarterly instead! That, and I'm just extremely charming, so no one can resist answering my questions. So if you really want to get to know those hunks in Gryffindor or find out what really goes on in the locker rooms, I'm your man. But, if you've got a question you're dying to have asked, shoot me an owl and I'll work the kind of magic you don't learn at Hogwarts. Otherwise, I hope you'll enjoy what we've got so far.

    JAESUN KIM / ADVERTISER
    What's UP? Jae Kim here to give a shout out and thank you to our new patrons! Stop by Hughes and Vuković, Magical Maintenance and Repair, Mondays-Fridays any time between 9AM and 6PM for a walk-in inspection of your broomstick, motor vehicle, or own curious needs! Also, I hope you've been enjoying the games --I've had a thrilling season on the Pitch so far. I'm also accepting any offers of sponsorship for future issues of Quidditch Quarterly, as well as business inquiries of all natures.

  • T. Koenig || Columnist
    Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw Recap

    The final game for Ravenclaw and Slytherin couldn't have taken place on a more beautiful day---perfectly clear and sunny. Slytherin was aiming to increase their lead over the other teams, while Ravenclaw hoping to make a solid run themselves.

    The game's first possession by Del Torro of Ravenclaw ends in disappoint as Kingsley of Slytherin handily makes a save. Donati of Slytherin only has the quaffle for a few moments before Earl of Ravenclaw smashes a bludger at him. Luckily, it comes out as only a glancing blow giving him an opportunity to shoot. Jaemin Do of the Eagles fails to make the save making the score 30-0 Slytherin. Williams of Ravenclaw takes the quaffle next but fails to do anything impressive with it, missing her shot. Klaus from Slytherin takes the quaffle next, eluding his opponents with enough skill to send the quaffle through the hoops again, bringing the score to 60-0 Slytherin. Despite a fair effort from Del Torro, the eagles fail to score once again.

    Even more bad news for the eagles as a bludger from Wolfe of Slytherin connects with Del Torro after a failed deflection from Earl. It didn't seem to slow him down too much though, as he manages to steal the quaffle away Klaus shortly after. He shoots and easily gets the quaffle past Kingsley, taking the score to 60-30 Slytherin. In the meantime, both teams exchange bludgers, but Wolfe's is deflected by Dantello of Ravenclaw. Wolfe attempts to deflect the bludger hit at her by Earl but ends up missing, taking the full power of the attack. Captain Woodbane of Slytherin makes a goal attempt, but Do saves the day. Once Wolfe is healed and back in the air, she hits a bludger to Williamson who has the quaffle. The hit is decent, but it's not enough to knock the quaffle out. Just as Williamson recovers though, Woodbane flies up to wrestle the quaffle away, and succeeds. Despite attempts from the other eagles, Oisin holds on tight--up until Williamson manages to pull it back into her grasp.

    Slytherin doesn't give up though. Before Williamson could get away, Klaus gets a good grip on the quaffle. Unfortunately for the snakes, Wolfe gets caught fouling Williamson, earning Ravenclaw a free penalty shot and making the work of Woodbane and Klaus all for naught. Williamson fails to score though, keeping the score the same. Klaus receives the quaffle, quickly scoring to make it90-30 Slytherin. In a quick turnaround, Del Torro takes the quaffle downfield to return the favor, making the score 90-60 Slytherin. Chaser Woodbane takes the quaffle next, managing to escape serious injuries as a bludger from Earl bruises him. He continues to the posts to get another rocket past Do, bringing the score to 120-60 Slytherin.

    Williamson gets the quaffle after, and despite the repeated wrestle attempts from Klaus, manages to squeak a goal past Kingsley, bringing the score to 120-90 Slytherin. Klaus gets the quaffle, but Williamson is relentless, stealing it away from him. His temper getting the better of him, Klaus blatches his opponent, knocking the quaffle loose and into Woodbane's arms. Del Torro comes for the wrestle though, and despite attempts to disrupt him, Ravenclaw just barely slips away with the quaffle again. But Woodbane remains determined, attempting to steal the quaffle once more. He comes away with it, wasting no time as he attempts to shoot. After much back and forth, Slytherin scores, bringing to game to 150-90 Slytherin. Meanwhile, Wolfe, out for blood, manages to hit Earl with a bludger, the latter coming away with minor injuries. Williamson attempts to score, but comes away empty-handed. Madeline of Slytherin almost catches the snitch but it gets away.

    Donati gets his turn with the quaffle but quickly loses it to Del Torro despite his team's attempt to help. He doesn't have it long though, before Wolfe smashes a bludger straight into him, the quaffle flying from him. Klaus picks up the quaffle only to end up hit by a bludger from Earl, losing the quaffle himself. Donati picks it back up only for Williamson to steal it away from him. Klaus, newly healed, speeds back up into the fray and snatches the quaffle back for Slytherin. It's a real ping pong game here, folks. It all ended up pointless though, as Klaus' shot fails to get past Do. Williamson gets the quaffle but fails to connect, and Klaus who gets the quaffle next is much the same. Del Torro is the next to take the quaffle, but ends up losing it when a bludger from Wolfe connects. Williamson picks it up but doesn't succeed in her score attempt. Donati takes the quaffle next, managing to score. Wolfe and Earl exchange bludgers, but Wolfe comes out the worse of the two.

    Do is injured and is replaced with Oshiro of Ravenclaw, while Madeline comes close to catching the snitch again. Del Torro gets the quaffle, easily scoring and bringing the score to 180-120 Slytherin. Klaus gets the quaffle, but it isn't long before Williamson manages to snatch it away again. She shoots, easily scoring, continuing the comeback to make the score 180-150 Slytherin. Earl, apparently not fond of how close Madeline was getting to the snitch, shoots a bludger at the Slytherin seeker. It clearly works. In a surprise twist, Bunting of Ravenclaw manages to catch the snitch, marring Slytherin's perfect season.

    Final score 300-180! Ravenclaw Wins!

  • L. Plunkett | Columnist
    Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff Recap

    The end of quidditch season brought us the final, knock ‘em sock ‘em roundabout of Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. This was a match unlike any other before it, because.. did anyone even know what was going on? The entire game was shrouded in a hailstorm of chaos and confusion. Literally. If you could actually follow what was happening on the pitch in the kind of fog that M. Night Shyamalan would get his rocks off to, then you must have laser vision. For us unlucky sods who had to muddle our way through the blinding sleet, it was anyone’s guess on who was doing what. The weather definitely played a large role in what this columnist is officially dubbing The Quidditch Conspiracy.

    Let’s look at the facts, kids.

    The return of Hufflepuff beater Isolde “Breen there, done that” Breen to the pitch had been a much anticipated event for anyone still suffering from the shell shock of the last quidditch season. Couple that with the fact that her Gryffindor beater competition just happened to be Doeun “If you douen’t know me by now” Eaton and Lysander “Stay aLyle” Prideux, this was just a recipe for upside down blood cake. However, while what one might’ve assumed would be a formidable hurricane of pain and destruction with this deadly trio running amuck, at best each of them only managed a couple of notable licks. It wasn’t until newcomer William Reese, subbing in for Hufflepuff’s injured Jaesun Kim, took to the skies that the real carnage began.

    This could’ve simply been a case of beginner’s luck, or perhaps Reese might be the Quidditch prodigy as prophesied by the magical Jeebus himself, but the kid didn’t even have a broom. Instead, from the sidelines, Slytherin chaser and RuPaul Drag Race’s fan favourite Sascha Klaus tore himself from Severin Larsson’s cold dead lips, just long enough to lend Reese his. Broom, I mean. Not lips. But that’s something we’ll look into another time. Within what felt like a matter of minutes, the peanut butter cup managed to brutally lay the smack down on the bloody Queen herself as onlookers watched in horror as she tumbled down to the peasants beneath her. This, however, was not enough to sustain Reese’s unquenchable thirst for blood. Lion chaser Yedam Bi is the next to feel the fury, taking a serious bludger to the leg that would’ve definitely required amputation if it weren’t for the miracle of modern magical medicine. This had to have left every spectator asking themselves, Whatchu’ talkin’ about, Will? Was this all simply chalked up to the luck of the dice, or were there forces in play here unseen to the naked eye?

    The mind fuddling befuddlement didn’t just stop at the beaters. Throughout the majority of the game, it seemed neither keeper for either team could manage to block a shot. Gryffindor keeper Tomas Findlay managed to karate chop Ailani Kealoha’s attempt out of the sky, only to suspiciously disappear into the mist. What became of his remains, only time will tell. Captain for the lions, Mark Maxim, who had experienced some technical difficulties at the start of the match, is subbed in for Findlay, and from there… well, he maybe managed to save one shot. The boys and girls in black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow (uh huh, you know what it is) didn’t fair much better with their booty blocker Carsten Sorkin whom, much like Maxim, seemed to struggle with the act of Keeping. Seriously guys, you had one job. Of course some might argue that the lack of visibility played a vital role in the plight of these two young men, but I think there was something far more sinister at hand.

    Which brings us to article three, section eight point hexagon: the case of the disappearing players. It appeared throughout the game, neither side was able to hang onto a full set of Chasers. First, the littlest Chaser that could, baby badger Seokmin Han seemed to slip off into the nether, and while still in possession of the Quaffle. On the red and gold side, Orion Austen was taken out by a bleeding goal hoop. There appeared to be no rhyme or reason for either of these happenstances, unless one were to delve in deeper, scraping the very underbelly of the beast.

    Crushing in the last piece of the puzzle, we come to the seekers. Hufflepuff captain Charlie Cooper gave up her beater’s bat for a pair of seeking goggles. It was, however, Gryffindor’s Yuzuru Masamune who snagged the coveted golden snitch, ending the game in a roaring 300/150 for the lions. Perhaps it was due to the change of position, or maybe Cooper herself was too tuned into the strange phenomena happening to her team that she missed her chance for glory. Or was there something more?

    Was there? Mmmm… think about it…

    Nah. Look. In the end, it was just a game played in some absolute rubbish weather, and if you believe in conspiracy theories, why not join an X-Files forum? We hope you enjoyed the 2016 quidditch season! Until fall term, this has been roving reporter and bollocks conspiracist Leonard “Agent Scully” Plunkett saying, why do they let me write this malarkey?

  • E. Dwight | Interviewer
    Spectator Interview - Kiljan Leander (Slytherin)

    QQ: Hello Kiljan, this is your favourite cousin Erik. You've been watching all games, which team were you rooting for?
    Kiljan Leander: ...Hello, Erik. I suppose you are indeed my favorite cousin, but as you are also my only one well, on my father's side anyway, that is not as much of an achievement as you seem to think. I suppose I have been rooting for Slytherin, mostly, out of house pride.

    QQ: Stop being so picky. Are you glad Slytherin won?
    Kiljan: I'm not being picky, merely stating the facts. You should be glad I am being so eloquent for your interview. Obviously, I am glad to see my house colors everywhere in the Great Hall, like any other snake. Are you glad Ravenclaw placed third?

    QQ: Sure, though we totally deserved second place, if you think about it. What was, in your opinion, the best moment of this season?
    Kiljan: I'm sure. Certainly, there was enough blood spilled for it. The best moment? The end. Not just because it meant I could leave, but also because it is the moment that matters the most, as this is when the scores are actually finalized.

    QQ: Wow, that's wise. And worst moment?
    Kiljan: All the unnecessary blood spilled. Clearly, it did not help anyway, so I do not understand why there was so much need for extreme violence throughout the game.

    QQ: Well, that's Quidditch. Accidents happen. Any desire to play yourself now
    Kiljan: They seemed to happen far too often for accidents. Also, no. If being forced to watch all these games taught me anything, it's that I am very right on my stance about not liking Quidditch or wanting to play.

    QQ: Admit it, deep inside you enjoyed watching it.Thanks for your valued opinions and your time!
    Kiljan:I admit no such thing. You are welcome.

  • E. Dwight | Interviewer
    Spectator Interview - William Pierce (Gryffindor)

    QQ: Hi Billy, you've been spotted spectating the games a few times. Which team were you rooting for?
    Billy: Only Gryffindor, really.

    QQ: Are you happy with them being second place in the overall ranking?
    Billy: Oh, they came in second? ...Yeah, man. That's totally awesome.

    QQ: Yes, Slytherin actually won. Wow, weren't you paying attention to that? tongue.gif
    Billy: Only during the actual games, to be honest. But the rules are fucking complicated, so I had no idea how they went around picking a winner. Three teams all won two times, or something. That's way too confusing.

    QQ: Okay, I give you that much - it's a fucking mess most of the time. But hey, second place is almost first, and that's just fine. What was the best moment, in your opinion?
    Billy: When Gryffindor won. Because I really have no clue what was going on up there, dude.

    QQ: I guess you don't have a worst moment for me then, either, do you?
    Billy: When Gryffindor lost….No but…didn't that one Slytherin die? Like scrambled egg brains. That was fucking awesome. Didn't know shit got that brutal.

    QQ: Oh wow, Quidditch brings out the blood thirst, hm? Good thing he didn't actually die, just almost. Anyway, did this season inspire you to climb a broom yourself now?
    Billy: You shitting me? 'course not. Brooms freak me the fuck out, man. I ain't climbing on any of those things, no matter if there's a ball to knock my head off or not.

    QQ: You know what, that is the wisest thing I have heard all season long, from anyone. Better stay away from brooms---they are the devil. Alright, thanks for your time, Billy.
    QQ: Sure thing.

  • E. Dwight | Interviewer
    Spectator Interview - Kiana van der Decken (Gryffindor)

    QQ: Hello Kiana! We’ve seen you spectating some of the Quidditch games, which team were you rooting for?
    Kiana: Ahah, dude, GRYFF-IN-DOOR of course. Do I look like some kind of traitor to you? No, seriously, Gryffindor all the way.

    QQ: Well, who knows why you might be yelling for a different team? ;) Are you pleased with Gryffindor making it to second place?
    Kiana Hmm, I suppose I should be a sport and say, yeah, they played well, and we can't win every time. But screw that, of course first place would have been better, right? And I don't know what magic chucklevoodoos Slytherin was on, but that match versus Gryffindor? They were on something, alright.

    QQ: I'm dying to hear your conspiracy theories concerning this, please do tell me.
    Kiana: Hah, well, since we're here to entertain ;) For real though, the score at the end of that match was unbelievable, it wasn't even subtle. They were probably all on Felix... Fix... Liquid fairy dust, for all I care. Okay and that one chaser they have? What's his name... the Klaus kid. He's their secret weapon. And I don't just say that because of all the goals he scored, no, even if he couldn't throw for shit and flew around on a vacuum cleaner he'd still be an asset to that team. The guy sits around looking pretty and distracts the players!

    QQ: So you are voting for more ugly players for the Slytherin team so they are less distracting for everyone?
    Kiana: Uh, yes, obviously. That ought to solve it. I'd say "too bad for the spectators" but really, the Gryffindor team is all they need. Have you seen Preben "BroomBrick" Nilsson? Or the Eaton girl, whom we should honour by naming the next tropical storm after her. Anyway, what I'm saying is, enough eye candy for everyone. Slytherin can suck it.

    QQ: I guess that's all a question of taste - some of us like bitchfaces more than abs, so there's that - BroomBrick's not everyone's style, if you know what I mean. However, unfortunately we're not discussing hot people today, although I would love to do that with you. We should have coffee together, how about that? But before we go on a date, tell me, what's been the best moment in this season?
    Kiana: Hah, you're on. And anytime a Slytherin player got hit, really, to make up for the unbelievable luck they were having with goals. ...Does that make me a bad person? C'mon, they're all fine now!

    QQ: All is fair in love and Quidditch, dear. And the worst moment?
    Kiana: Oh, that has to be when Slytherin caught the snitch that game. I can't even remember the final score, but it felt as if the snakes were over nine thousand or something. So embarrassing.

    QQ: True that, every other team started crying in that moment, probably. Do you play Quidditch yourself, by the way?
    Kiana: No, I don't, mostly because before this season I barely even knew the rules. Maybe you should teach me sometime. I'm not sure if it'd be something for me, honestly. Though I do like hitting things, which seems to be in a Beater's job description, so maybe I should try it out.

    QQ: Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask, I can’t even fly a broom straight and would kill us both. But I’m sure we can find something I can teach you instead ;) For now, we’re done here - thanks for your time!
    Kiana: Any time ;)

  • E. Dwight | Interviewer
    Spectator Interview - Theseus Truman (Ravenclaw)

    Erik Dwight, Interviewer

    QQ: Hello, I’m Erik and I’ll be your interviewer today! You have been spotted spectating a few of the games of this season. Which team were you cheering for?
    Theseus: Ravenclaw!

    QQ: What do you think about them having made it only to third place this season?
    Tee: I dunno, there's always next season! I think Ravenclaw will win next time.

    Do you play Quidditch yourself or do you just like to watch?
    Tee:I like to play Quidditch! Usually as a Beater or a Chaser, but I like watching it too.

    QQ: What do you like more, Chaser or Beater?
    Tee: Oh, uhhh...I think Beater. It's kinda more fun and also less pressure 'cause you don't have three people from the other team following you all the time.

    QQ: Also less chances of getting hit by a bludger yourself, I guess. Ravenclaw took some nasty hits this season, after all.
    Tee: Yeah!

    QQ: Do you think you might play next season?
    Tee: I...I don't think so. It's kind of intimidating.

    QQ: Yes, I can see that. Alright, thanks for the interview!

  • L.Cole || Interviewer
    Slytherin Team Facts
    • Oisin Woodbane, in spite of his behavior, is actually an extrovert. He get along really well with people, but chooses isolate himself as much as possible for his own personal reasons.
    • Once, members of the Ministry's Beast Division had gone undercover as students in Hogwarts to determine who was abusing fairies for personal decor. It turned out to be a false tip; Jisik Sa’s glitter was so convincing that someone had mistaken it for fairy murder.
    • Back in Sweden, Severin Larsson used to be the guitarist for an amateur metal band.
    • Sascha Klaus, after their loss to Ravenclaw, had attempted to burn every single one of the team's brooms. Whether or not he was successful remains unknown.
    • The Slytherin team has jokingly assigned Disney Heroines to each of its members. River Donati was given Pocahontas due to his name.
    • In addition to his video games, Jungwoo Park owns several board games as well. His favorite board game is chess.
    • Despite his intimidating appearance, Izaak Woodbane's bed sheets are hot pink.
    • It's rumored that Eros King has a slight crush on his co-captain, Jisik.
    • Alexander Kingsley, when alone, has been frequently spotted talking to birds for reasons unknown. People say he does look happier during these alleged conversation, however.
    • . Claudette Gautier, the most active female on the Slytherin team, was given the nickname Nike for her performance during their game against Hufflepuff. The moment she was subbed out onto the field, the team's performance seemed to improve tenfold.
    • During a practice, Emil Madeline had fallen from his broom. It would have been a lethal injury had his fanclub not been spectating. Upon landing, there were four girls who jumped beneath him to break his fall. Why they didn't cast a cushioning charm remains a wonder to the rest of the team.
  • L. Cole | Interviewer
    Slytherin Quidditch Team Interview

    QQ: Yo, Team Slytherwin! In case we’ve never met before, I’m Levi Cole, and I’m here for the Quidditch Quarterly to interview you all. That being said, congratulations! You all placed first in the season with a grand total of… oh wow, holy shi—er, I mean crap. You guys ended the season with a point total of 1050. That’s quite the feat! How are you feeling with all of that behind you now?
    Severin: Exhausted.
    Oisin: But you weren’t even captaining this entire group of… individuals. -squints-
    Jisik: Neither were you. Look, I’ve still got gray hairs!
    Eros: But that’s because you dyed it. Can I leave now?
    Jisik: That was to cover up the damage.
    Severin: It is second-hand exhaustion.
    Oisin: Well, I can see why someone would be second hand exhausted.
    Severin: Shut up.
    Oisin: Annnd this is why I am the most exhausted out of all of us.
    Sascha: I’d like to thank God, for all this bod-- wait how am I feeling? I feel great.
    Jungwoo: I feel like I should take a nap.
    River: Do you really have to ask? Look at them all...
    Alec: Ready to get the hell out of here.

    QQ: Oh, yeah, I can definitely see why you’d all be super tired. I used to get tired just from the training alone, but you guys had to play against every freakin’ house. Out of all of them, who do you think put up the best fight?
    Severin: Ravenclaw fought surprisingly bitter until the end, given how bad their first game went.
    Jungwoo: You lost against Ravenclaw because I wasn’t playing.
    Oisin: Well, maybe you should play next time then. I should have banned video games from the bench. I’m sure you would’ve gone up in the air then.
    Sascha: I promise I’ll get Williamson one of these days. I promise.
    Jungwoo: Video games are more worth my time.
    Oisin: -sighs- Well you played well when you were in the air so no complaints here, I suppose.
    River: Wait...We were facing opponents?
    Jisik: No River, we were facing giant licorice wands.
    Eros: -already asleep-
    Jungwoo: Quidditch is basically like the mini games in video games, it’s easy.
    Sascha: Just around the riverbend...
    River: Just around the riverbend… your death awaits.
    Sascha: Come at me, you hairy meatball.
    Alec: ...and by hairy meatball, he means Ravenclaw fought the hardest.
    Oisin: Yeah… we definitely underestimated them.

    QQ: Woo, that’s my house! Er, but yeah. Even with that loss under your belts, you guys came out on top! Did you ever think you wouldn’t place first? Or were you all just always confident in your abilities?
    Oisin: No to the first, and yes to the second.
    Severin: There was no need to doubt we would win.
    Sascha: We were always going to win. Look at us.
    Jisik: I’m on the team. Of course we were going to win.
    Oisin: Granted, just looking at us probably isn’t a proper indication of our chances.
    Jungwoo: We were never going to lose
    Alec: I was always confident in myself.
    Oisin: So confident, he put in the minimum of effort, for half of his saves.
    Alec: At least I saved them.
    Oisin: No idea what you’re referring to with that emphasis, Alec.
    Jisik: Yeah, what could he possibly mean?

    QQ: Hah! I don’t know what I was expecting with that question to be honest. Well, having faced all these hardships together, how do you plan to celebrate?
    River: I don’t celebrate. Winning is my job. Do you see a mailman celebrate when he delivers a letter?
    Oisin: -chuckles- I like River’s answer.
    Severin: Does sleeping for a week count as celebrating? That is my plan.
    Sascha: Tough to say. We won the cup, but we lost our last game. I don’t feel like we need to celebrate.
    Jungwoo: I’m going to play video games.
    Alec: By not seeing their faces for at least a week. Then we’ll talk.
    Jisik: I don’t know about the rest of you unenthusiastic losers, but I’m throwing a party. You’re all going to be killjoys, so you’re not invited.

    QQ: What? You’re just going to nap? No parties? You’re not so exhausted you won’t play next season, right? Who do you think would be the best captain for the next term of Slytherwin anyways?
    Oisin: Eh, I’m exhausted. -jerks a thumb behind him- One of them can have it. I’d give it to Sascha or Jisik personally.
    Severin: Oisin and Jisik did a good job, but Sascha would probably do well, too. I am probably not playing again next season because another skull fracture. Thank you, Preben.
    Jungwoo: I think I would be great.
    Oisin: You would get distracted, Jungwoo.
    Jisik: For once, our dear Captain Salt is right. I’m clearly the best choice. And Jungwoo sucks. Did I tell you about the one time when we were 5 and—
    Sascha: I am absolutely playing next season. It was an honor to play with these guys and gals, but there’s still more victory to be had. As for captain? Oisin… Definitely Oisin. Tore Larsson we are not done discussing this… You WILL play next season.
    Severin: You’re not my doctor, shut up.
    Sascha: Come here and make me, you Swedish midget.
    Severin: I will cheer on you all.
    Alec: Since it’s my last year… No. But I think Oisin would be great again. Unlike some people, he doesn't get distracted. Totally single minded. It's terrifying and inspiring. Oisin: Hah... thanks.
    Sascha: … FIGHT ME.
    Alec: You'd like that too much, I wouldn't dare.
    Jisik: This got weird and we’re no longer talking about me. Can we go on to the next question?

    QQ: Okay! One last question, totally unrelated, but just for fun, what was the craziest thing that happened in the Slytherin locker rooms? The rest of the audience doesn’t get to see anything except how cool you guys look on the field. Are you all very different from the kind of images you put on in the air?
    Oisin: Am I allowed to prohibit Sev and Sascha from answering?
    Severin: -freezes at the mention of locker rooms-
    Sascha: I mean-- Uh… Locker room conversations are normal. We set a game plan and we go out there and spank those other los... we just play hard.
    Jisik: Listen, if you want to keep this article G rated, don’t let Sascha and Severin answer.
    Oisin: Regardless, no. We’re… all as crazy as we probably look. Especially Jisik.
    Jisik: -preens-
    Alec: I'd just like to say that I'm exactly the same way as I am on the field, thanks. Sascha’s the only one who spanks people. Severin. I mean Severin. Not people.
    Severin: Have you ever been spanked in the face, Kingsley? Because I can do that for you.
    Alec: Love you too, Larsson.

    QQ: Phew, that was long, but… I think that’s enough for now everyone! Thank you so much for your time, and I can’t wait to see what you all end up doing next term. Now go party hard and celebrate a ton for the rest of us!
    Oisin: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m just going to sleep I think. -yawns-
    Severin: I will join that - and no, in my own bed of course.
    Sascha: I’m going to buy an expensive yacht. Yes, I think that will do.
    Alec: And I'll be making sure certain idiots don't blow themselves up. Or poison themselves.
    Jisik: Oisin, come carry me. My ribs are still broken. And wake this kid up please.
    Oisin: -sigh- Alright.

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