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 Luca Holmwood - Beginner
Sammeh · 16 · 6th · undecided · pureblood · 5'6
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Mar 19 2018, 12:11 PM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Beginner
Link to character workshop topic: boop!
At least two of your recent role play topics:
  • Born in a thunderstorm with Serena Rose.

    I haven’t thrown myself into an open thread in a while, but I felt like it would be a good way to get a feel for Luca x3. I don’t know what exactly is going to happen next, but for now Luca tries his best to make sure Serena isn’t going to hurt herself as she is flying, thunderstorm looming ahead.

  • Kings ought to shear, not skin their sheep with Dracon Yaxley.

    Drake smuggled a little lamb into Hogwarts, and Luca happens to be at the right place to witness this cute and adorable secret! The two of them don’t know each other that well, but I am veeeery happy to announce that they will bump into each other a LOT in the near future. Fate clearly has some plans for them! Like plot arcs maybe.

  • There’s an echo pulling out the meaning with Juno Moreau

    Luca’s cousins are almost always mentioned in his replies, but this time it’s an actual thread! Upon hearing his father is in fact a Deschamps, Luca isn’t quite sure how to feel about it all. Never the one to complain about his own struggles, it's a big step for him to think that perhaps is now the time to for once be selfish and just spit it all out. He doesn’t really have friends...so family seems like the safest option of people to confine to. He goes to Juno, and fails miserably at trying to just talk to her about his problems.
Commentary: I have several reasons why I’m ranking Luca this early on. Mainly because I created this child to fit into an arc from the very start, and I wanna get the most out of it. ^^ You can already see the little mentions and hints towards everything that’s gonna go down, so I wanted to get beginner out of the way in order to make his future arcs shine during novice x3. In general I also just feel really bad when I leave a child sitting at ‘unranked’ for too long.

I am aware I have another child up for rank atm, but I really wanted to do this now before my threads expire. I apologize for this :c

Also I am so sorry, I just noticed all these threads are with Gryffindors criesss

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thankyouu Evan for the pretty avatar ;^; <33
Stells Artois · 16 · 6th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'11
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Mar 19 2018, 12:16 PM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

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These cute pixel and avatars were made by the most wonderful Evan ♡
Kenz · 17 · 7th · Neutral · Halfblood · 6'1"
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Mar 20 2018, 08:26 PM   Link Quote
Hi Sammeh, it’s Kenz and here we are again for a wild ride and I am so excited for you and these characters you have. Let’s start off by looking at the requirements for you and Luca at beginner and go from there, shall we?

QUOTE (Requirements)
what we’re looking for at beginner
At least 4 posts by your character over 2 threads. Your most recent post must be made within three months of the date of your application.
Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision of each section posted by you. (If you choose not to include an appearance section at sorting, you must include it when you post your workshop profile, and then provide a subsequent revision for this rank).
At the beginner rank, we are focused on building up your character. We will give you suggestions on how to expand your profiles and posts, particularly in regards to content, in order to gain as complete a picture of your character as possible. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.) and spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post. Additionally, we'd like to see that you have made an effort to expand all areas of the profile (i.e. not just personality or not just history).


I will be here to mostly look at your profile today, so I’ll start with that and spend the majority of my time there and then look at who Luca is in your posts with him and compare the two. Here we go!

Appearance

QUOTE (Appearance)
Like tumbling headfirst into Summer, is perhaps the easiest way to describe Luca Holmwood. From the freckles that dot his nose and cheeks to the honey tumble of blonde curls that reach just behind his ears, his appearance is inviting like cool apple cider on that blistering hot day.


-> And holy crap, let’s start this party with a bang, shall we? The imagery that this came with is so beautiful and sets such a tone for this profile. I am so excited for this. My only complaint is summer in not a proper noun, but I’m sure that’s an oversight on your part, yes?

QUOTE (Appearance)
At home his clothes smell like soil and grass and honesty, ground clinging to the knees of his dungarees as if begging him to never leave. A Holmwood rarely leaves, after all. Home is as safe as can be.


-> Wow. Even as this appearance I am just struck by these few powerful lines because it tells us so much about Luca and his family, as well.

Overall with this section I’m struck by a magnificent picture of Luca’s appearance, but a hint of what is to come in his personality by the way he dresses and doesn’t seem to like ties but knows his pureblood duties, by the way you write about his family for his history. This is excellent and this section jumps to me as great. My biggest suggestions for an edit in this section are to consider what he does/doesn’t like about himself, some imperfections (because after all, he is a teenage boy) and perhaps talking about his voice a little bit more. I know you mention European but giving us a hint of an accent at this point can lead to where he might be from, early on in the profile.

Personality

QUOTE (Personality)
Like gently carved wood, Luca strikes strangers as a product of nature: liveliness and easygoing like the grain of wood dictates.


Again…. What an opening Your metaphors are going to astonish and astound me this whole profile, aren’t they? I’m struck by how much time and effort you must’ve put in to come up with lines such as these that are pure gold. You’re making Luca alive in my mind by the way that you write him to become a real boy out of wood - yes, I went there, a Pinocchio reference but you started this first - I’m only joking, but wow, Sammeh, this is some amazing stuff.

QUOTE (Personality)
You see, Luca is good at making people like him but awful at letting people know him.


-> What a game changer, Sammeh. The suspense. Give me more I think at this point is when I feel that Luca is a really relatable character. Everyone wants to get people to like them without having to feel super vulnerable. I’m excited to learn how Luca is able to achieve this and your writing is making him alive for me in this profile with these beautiful metaphors and imagery sentences that showcase this boy that is becoming character I want to know.

Once more, what a wholesome, beautiful section, full of overlap to give me ideas of what is to come in the history. My suggestion for this section is to put more memories or examples of things for Hogwarts as well - I know Luca is newer for you and this will be easier at intermediate when you have had time to fill in those “gaps” of these years and create more of a background and history for him. I know this is personality we’re talking about and history, but it seems that a lot of his character traits you have here are from when he’s on the farm or with his family rather than with people at Hogwarts. Threading with people will help this - you can incorporate how he acts with them into his personality section, if you please.

History

I am loving the history Luca has, the continued beautiful metaphors and imagery; the family dynamic. I want you to consider adding in why there is a female head of household in the Holmwood family and explaining to us that background as well. You start with before Luca is born and that there is a female head of household and you drop this piece of information in for us:

QUOTE (History)
Yet the name ‘Holmwood’ on the label, leaves quite different tastes depending on who you’re asking.


But, I’m left feeling that you didn’t explain this fully. It’s something to consider for Hogwarts. For intermediate,I’d also like to see more of Luca’s favorite memories rather than only an oversight of what happened. You started to mention feelings about a father he’s never known, but I’d like more of this as well as an expansion of how Luca feels about the world around him, in addition to the beautiful metaphors and the imagery within. We want to see Luca’s perspective of the world as well as yours. For intermediate, we’ll need to see more Hogwarts years things within, but as you mentioned, Luca is a new character, so I’m not upset that this isn’t in a beginner profile.

Posts and overall thoughts

Your second reviewer will look into these more than I am now, but your posts are glaringly long and exuberant, exciting and they match the Luca I found in the profile. It needs to be said that in the profile and the posts I saw very, very few mistakes grammar/spelling/typo wise, so this is amazing. I’m so excited to see where you take Luca on this journey. I APPROVE you and @Luca Holmwood for Beginner Congratulations! I hope I join you on this journey again soon. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact me via Skype or PM at any time.

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Robin · 15 · 5th Year · Viridian Guild Leader · Pureblood · 5'
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Mar 31 2018, 10:15 AM   Link Quote
Hello hello this is Robin and I’ll be your second reviewer. Kenzie already got us started so I can dive right in! I’ll be looking at your posts, and to get the kind of experience your RP partners would have, I’m going to read them before reading your profile. Here we go!

Born in a thunderstorm

I immediately get a picture of Luca’s home life and I love it. You manage to give us a lot of information about Luca – the social class and size of his family, his absent father – but it’s all tied neatly to the broom he’s holding, so you can give us this without pausing the thread itself. That’s perfect of course, as your RP partners don’t always know Luca yet, and the threads themselves are the best way to get to know him! I also like how we get to see his reasoning behind his actions, like his thought process keeping him from shouting without a filter. I like that it tells us about who Luca is and what he values, and that there are a lot of reasons why people are nice – and not always the obvious one.

The descriptions of the storm are fantastic, but what I enjoy most is that it’s done largely through Luca’s reactions to it, and his thought process about it. You noticeably describe the environment with Luca at its centre. Your imagery and metaphor rich writing style is always a treat, but my favourite was this one:
QUOTE
Instead said wind was doing a fine job at messing up his hair, pulling at his coat like children desperate for attention.

Something I also always enjoy is descriptions of the other character, in this case Serena. I like how we get to see how Luca saw her, up in the sky, and what his impressions of her are.

Of course, I also need to quote my all-around favourite line from this thread:
QUOTE
This probably wasn't how you made friends, but Luca wasn't very fond of making corpses either.


Kings ought to shear, not skin their sheep
QUOTE
Warmth didn't discriminate, his grandma would always say. Although she talked about manners more than actual fires.

I loved this quote! Once again your reader gets a sense of who Luca is, and what his family is like, without having to read the profile. Like in the previous thread, there’s also that hint of Luca’s niceness being more than just for niceness sake, that it is a tool, a way to achieve whatever Luca wants to achieve. I’m sure this is going to be very interesting later on – of course, this is only beginner, but it’s what jumps out at me as something I’d definitely like to see more of in your next rank.

There’s an echo pulling out the meaning
I’m so glad you were able to give us a thread with one of his cousins! What I’m going to say next will probably not surprise you, but I’d love to see a thread with a Deschamps as well, and see how that goes (my dramatic ass: I HOPE THERE’S TENSION), and I bet a one-shot for Luca’s home life would be awesome to read as well.

I mentioned this for “Born in a thunderstorm”, and it goes for the thread with Dracon as well really, so I’m going to repeat it again here – I really enjoy the time you spent describing the other characters from Luca’s point of view, it grounds both characters in the narratives in a sense, emphasizing that the posts form one story and not two halves of it. You also do a really good job of writing a lot to give your RP partner enough to work with, and to pick up on things your RP partner wrote and continue it (like the storm in the first thread).

General and Profile

Kenz already delved into your profile, so I’ll keep it short. It’s a great piece of writing, and to me it shows the writer’s fondness for the character, the lovely imagery with which they are described being a joy to read. I can also see how this is the Luca I encountered in his posts, so good job! For revisions, I think it’ll come easy to you to add to his profile, as you already mentioned you have arcs planned and after all, there’s no better way to get to know a character than to write them! I feel like there’s still a bit of a mysteriousness to Luca, even in his profile, sides of him that are waiting to be delved into, but I have no doubt that you will. And of course, you’ll have all his Hogwarts experiences to add to history as well. With the profile you have now you have a great basis and are more than set to move on.

You mentioned it yourself so you already saw this coming haha, but I’d suggest to throw him at characters from different houses and ages. One thing that I think could be really interesting is throwing him at an unagreeable character, a rude character, or an aggressive character – as Luca’s instinct is to be nice, but on the inside he has quite a few things to say to people. It’ll be fun to test his limits!

We've reached the end, and I have nothing more to say except that of course I APPROVE you and @Luca Holmwood for BEGINNER! I wish you a lot of fun with him, it looks like an exciting journey is ahead!

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Big Billy by Bolt and cute Lenny and Gretchen by Evan! <33
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