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 Grigoriy Drozdov - Novice, 18.03.18
Rollie Pollie Stellie · 17 · 7th · 🕊️ · Pureblood,obviously! · 6'2
Slytherin Novice
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Jan 22 2018, 02:41 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Beginner
Link to character workshop topic: Last revision completed on 22.01.18
At least two of your recent role play topics:
    Pinprick in the [ocean] ft. Seraphina Windsor [Completed]
    Whoops, I almost let this expire
    Soon after Grisha was forced to transfer from Koldovstoretz to Hogwarts before of his engagement, he decides to go meet his infamous fiancée after hearing a few things about her “reputation”. He meets Seraphina at a party at Hogsmeade, only to find her drunk and completely unaware of their engagement. So, of course, he does what any person would logically do and decides not to tell her anything.

    I chose to include this thread because I believe it expresses a lot about who Grigoriy is as a person, and how he can be self-serving and uncaring for the feelings of others. Aside from that, this thread is the start to what in the future will be a very important arc to the character, so I believe it to be primordial for his ranking.

    You didn't have to stoop so low ft. Florentin Deschamps [Completed]
    Having just transferred, Grisha is new to the Slytherin dorm, and his first meeting with one of his roommates doesn’t seem to go all that well. After him and Florentin exchange a few terrible insults, Grisha decides he has had enough, and that Florentin needs to be taught a lesson or two.

    While the previous thread shows how Grisha can be self-serving, I wanted to include a thread that would display how terrible and rude he can be towards people he dislikes, and to the extents he will go when someone manages to provoke him and annoy him in the ways Florentin did. Fair warning, a lot of awful things are said in this thread.
Complementary Material:
    OWL: To whom it may concern ft. Adelaide Wilmont [Completed]
    For context, Adelaide and Grigoriy exchanged a few kisses in the past, until he discovered she is a halfblood and wasn’t very happy to find out. Later, they end up messaging each other by mere coincidence, yet things quickly manage to go sour.

    Mostly, I decided to include this owl because the threads show Grisha interacting with pureblood students of his same house, while Adelaide is both a halfblood and a Hufflepuff. Aside from that, I believe it really shows how quickly Grisha’s opinion on people can change on something that is as beyond their control as their bloodline, and his thought on elitism and pureblood supremacy.
Commentary: As you can see, the threads included are those started when I first made Grisha as a character, because truthfully, I have been planning to rank him for a long time and only found myself to be delayed because of having little time to write his profile (Which is also why this was posted on the last day possible before one of the threads expired). Grisha is a character that I really enjoy writing, he has a very strong voice in my mind, and I hope you can see that expressed through my writing of him. Mostly, my intention with him is expressing that not everyone will always be good and not everyone will always be nice, but even the people who seem to be the most terrible have good things to them - for the world is not all black and white. Of course, this is something that will be expressed overtime and over arcs, and that is why I wanted this first ranking to be with threads that display how Grisha originally acts. Any kind of positive feedback and constructive criticism will be incredibly appreciated, and thank you in advance ♡

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1PLOTTER
2TRACKER
3EXTRA
4CDCS
in the dead of night
Blackbird singing

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Sig by the ever amazing and fabulous Exh <3
Avatars by the most incredible Evan <3
Exh · 16 · 6th · None yet · pureblood · 5"5
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Jan 22 2018, 04:20 AM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

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I Can't Escape
the way that I don't fit in with any of this


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Avatars by the wonderful Evan <3

Maison · 15 · 5 · BADASS · pureblood · 5'8
Slytherin Advanced
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Jan 30 2018, 07:06 PM   Link Quote
Hello hello! I'm Maison and I'm here to review your profile today! Requirements first:

QUOTE
★At least 4 posts by your character over 2 threads. Your most recent post must be made within three months of the date of your application.
★Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision of each section posted by you. (If you choose not to include an appearance section at sorting, you must include it when you post your workshop profile, and then provide a subsequent revision for this rank).
★ At the beginner rank, we are focused on building up your character. We will give you suggestions on how to expand your profiles and posts, particularly in regards to content, in order to gain as complete a picture of your character as possible. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.) and spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post. Additionally, we'd like to see that you have made an effort to expand all areas of the profile (i.e. not just personality or not just history).


So let's get started!

appearance:
★ You've expanded on the original appearance which is always great to see!
★ You also have a lot of the information I would be expecting to see in a Beginner profile, which is also gooood. You’ve covered a good amount of stuff about Grigoriy’s appearance so we have a good start to this review already!
★ I particularly liked these lines:
QUOTE
There is something about them which makes them memorable, unforgettable, the kind of people who linger in the minds of many after seeing them just once, or even those who later come haunt their dreams at night.

QUOTE
There is a shine to them, one cold and eerie, as if they were illuminated by the light of the moon itself, rarely ever revealing the thoughts that hide behind them while also not expressing much else.

★ You never explained why he can't/doesn't play Quidditch anymore? I read ahead a little bit and I didn't see it mentioned so I'm curious! Even if that doesn't strictly belong in the appearance, it would be good if you put it in the profile next time~
★ If you wanted to get a bit more detailed, then I have a couple of things: does he have any other facial expressions? What else makes him smile? Or relax? How does he move? Slowly, quickly, lethargically? Does anyone catch him being undignified? Does he have any quirks/habits/tics, like drumming his fingers or bouncing his leg or is he basically a statue? How does he sound when he talks? Voice, accent? Does he have any catchphrases? Does he talk a lot or not very often? How does he speak? Does he use a lot of short sentences, is he particularly crass, does he like to use long words? Does he hesitate? What kind of clothes does he wear? You say that he wears dark colours and has a fur trim coat but you don't detail much about other things. While I can assume from the rest of his appearance is that he's most likely well-dressed, it wouldn't be an appearance if everything was down to assumptions!
★ I also find that it's also useful to ask why in appearances. For example, why does he not care about smelling like smoke? ‘Cause in this way, appearance also ties into personality! You have already explained some of the whys of his appearance, but there are just a couple more places where we could use that detail~
★ There are a few tiny technical details, like things that another read over may have caught. I'm just gonna hinge on those for a second:
★ Where you say 'much alike' in the profile, I think it would be fine to just say 'much like' because it doesn't sound like...entirely natural? Unless that was your intention, but yeah!
★ I think every time you use a semi-colon, it should actually be a colon instead! Although for many of them you could also use a comma. Semi-colons are used for two independent clauses (i.e. can stand on their own as sentences) that are related and therefore can be joined, for example: you should drink milk; it's good for you.
Colons are after you introduce something and then you talk about it, such as in the next paragraph, where I quote, haha.
This website has a pretty good explanation about it, but I'll just quote one part for now: "Simply put, the colon is used to provide a pause before introducing related information, while the semicolon is just a break in a sentence that is stronger than a comma but not as final as a full stop."

QUOTE
It seems as if regardless of what they do, some people just stand out wherever they go.


QUOTE
See, the truth is that Grigoriy’s own sense of superiority is highly justified by how overly concerned he is about his own appearance, well aware of how some may find him to look appealing

(I'm not entirely sure about this sentence! I might be wrong, but it didn't feel clear either way?)

QUOTE
or even when we he smokes one of his usual clove cigarettes


QUOTE
Sometimes, it seems almost as if Grisha is an exact copy of the man, except for those pale blue eyes that are quite unlike the deep grey ones of Yakov Drozdov. Of course, many would have rebelled when realizing such a fact; they would have dyed their hair of strange and unnatural colours, and would have done their best not to look so much alike those with whom they share the same blood, but such a was never the case with Yakov’s only son.


I think that’s all, so!

personality:
★ So I like the quotes that you've used around the profiles, but I'm wondering how they personally relate to Grigoriy? My English teacher told me that if I was going to use a quote, then I had to Use a quote instead of just having it be there, so particularly in this case, it'd be nice to see how it relates to Grigoriy. I feel like maybe it was supposed to be implied, but it also feels like there's a bit of a gap between having the quotes and like, having sections acknowledge the quotes. Does that make sense?
★ So while you’ve changed the personality from the original, I feel like the original gave us a clearer insight into his personality. For example, you talk a lot about his labels but I don't feel like I get to know him very well...I know the labels are important to him and it’s a bit thematic, but I also feel like it’s a bit limiting? We want to know who he is when you strip away all the labels as well. People are so much more than their labels, usually, and I feel like there's a lot more that you could explore without confining him to just the labels or just a brief glance of him outside of it. I know you talked about it briefly, but I think in those parts you should expand more on the whys of his personality. Is he really as black and white as he seems?
★ There are other things you could expand on: does he have any hobbies? Does he have any friends? What kinds of people does he like? Does he have hopes and aspirations, is there anything particularly surprising about him? What does he do in his free time? Why’s he so mean? Does he have any regrets at all? How do his other emotions show through and what invokes them? Stuff like that! The aim is to build as a complete picture of your character as possible. I know this is only beginner stage and you might not have gotten all that worked out just yet, but I want to give you some stuff to think about preemptively!
★ I think at some points, you might need to read over and think about whether or not you can word things more concisely. There are some points in the profile where I feel like your wording is unnecessarily long? I get that there’s an effect you want to create, but at time it feels like we're going the long way around a sentence. Like this sentence in particular:
QUOTE
But, truthfully, love is not something to which Grisha bothers to put much thought, not even now that he is engaged to a girl he barely even knows.

I think it's important to remember that formal voice doesn't necessarily mean that you have to use more words! So the next time you go over Grigoriy’s profile, keep that in mind and see if there are any places that you could edit to make it a little more concise.

history:
★ I really the way you've started this history! The first paragraph is really nice wah and you have so much detail about his family
★ I think there's a lot more detail that you could put into the history section still though! What are his sisters' names, for example. How far apart are they from each other? Is he the second oldest? I thought he was the youngest for a while...I don't know why. Clarifying would be good haha.
★ You talk about the family a lot, but you don't talk much about the events in Grigoriy's life make him him. Like we learn a lot about the Drozdov family, but not as much about Grigoriy himself, so I think for next revision, you need to work on finding a balance between the two? You have a lot of opportunity to talk about things like his childhood and his time at Koldovstoretz but you skipped over a lot of the things I would think are important! Also you don't mention the fiancée until the very end, which is a bit of a surprise. How did he take that news? When did it happen? How does he feel about Hogwarts? How is Hogwarts working out for him so far? Does he feel homesick? There’s a lot of stuff that you could’ve included that I would’ve liked to have seen, even though I feel like this section starts off well. Remember that the profile is about Grigoriy so there should be more focus on him.
★ Again I'm just gonna hinge on a couple of things:
★ I think something I would note is to be careful not to italicise too many things. It loses its effect if you do it too much.
QUOTE
In many ways, it made sense, for he was the only son born among pretty girls who more often than not tried to treat him more like a plaything than a brother, and also because he had been the first to display magic before Yakov, which was in fact what mattered.

The sentence gets a bit off-topic in the middle? It's kind of distracting and detracts from the rest of it. Also when you say 'before Yakov' it makes it sound like Grigoriy showed magic before Yakov did, which isn't what you're trying to say. 'In front of' would work just as well and helps with clarity!

QUOTE
There were, of course, his cousins, which were also many, yet with the way things were in the Drozdov family most of them weren’t seen all that often, and a few of them weren’t even liked by the boy and his sisters. To put it simply: in that estate that was surrounded by walls existed more than one manor, and the grandest, most noticeable one, belonged to the patriarch and those who would succeed him - Grigoriy’s great grandfather, his uncle Lev, and Lev’s children. Most of said cousins were older, and yet all too well did the boy remember the stares given by them, the way they almost seemed to look down upon the rest.

This part gets a bit confusing and it's hard to figure out what you're trying to say. Remember that the reader doesn't necessarily have the same context as you do so it helps to be a bit more explicit!

QUOTE
none of them was were ever taught to ever depend on another.

They/them = were

posts:
Your next reviewer will look at these in more detail but I'll just skim over them real quick. Your posts are a good length, spelling/grammar/punctuation all seem okay, and Grigoriy seems to be quite consistent and like the person I just read about in his profile. So all is good on that front from me for now!

verdict:
Ahhhh we reached the end. Of course, I approve you for Beginner so congrats & good luck with your next review! If you have any questions about the stuff I wrote, you know where to find me~

@Grigoriy Drozdov

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expect frequent bad language
SLYTHERCLAW
{ wear }

MAISON IS MADE OF MAGIC AND GLITTER. xoxo
Exh · 16 · 6th · None yet · pureblood · 5"5
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Feb 5 2018, 11:57 PM   Link Quote
Hey there Stells, you know me- but for the sake of formalities, I’m Exh and I’ll be your second reviewer for beginner. Maison has already listed off the requirements for this rank and covered your profile revision- so i’m going to go right ahead and look at your posts! For the sake of both of us (and our sanity), i’m going to break my review up into three sections: a review of Pinprick in the [ocean], a review of You didn't have to stoop so low and my final thoughts/recommendations.

Pinprick in the [ocean]

I was extremely glad to see this thread included amongst your beginner ranking threads- for, in my opinion, it is instrumental in Grisha’s character development/ plor arc develompent. You do an amazing job of conveying Grigoriy’s personality here, without relying too much on info dumps or long winded inner monologues.

QUOTE

Out of all the stereotypes about Scotland, of course that one had to be the one that was truest, making the tall boy groan quietly to himself before casting the incantation that would protect him the pouring water - although certainly not from the humidity that accompanied such a weather.


This particular sentence floored me, it’s stunning- but, it’s also a perfect example of what I was talking about. Here, we get a lot of information about Grigoriy’s character, his personality- while simultaneously setting the scene for the thread. This is not an easy feat by any means, so I give you kudos for that.

However, while we’re still on the topic of this sentence, i’m going to take a moment to touch on proofreading. I feel like you have left out a word between ‘protect him’ and ‘the pouring water’? At first, I didn’t even pick up on it myself, so I imagine this was probably the case for you too. Our brain is good at filling in gaps, and sometimes that can make proofreading incredibly difficult. However, the more you proofread a post, the more likely you are to pick up on little issues such as these. This is not something I’m going to harp on about for too long; because I can tell by reading the rest of this post, and every subsequent post, that you likely do proofread your work. It’s just something that I figured I would briefly touch on, because it’s something that jumped out at me upon rereading the thread. For the sake of clarity, this is how I feel the sentence should have read:

QUOTE

Out of all the stereotypes about Scotland, of course that one had to be the one that was truest, making the tall boy groan quietly to himself before casting the incantation that would protect him from the pouring water - although certainly not from the humidity that accompanied such a weather.


Now, onto the overall feel/theme of the thread. Like I said earlier, I’m glad that you decided to include this thread in your ranking application. I think this is a great introduction to your betrothal plot with Kimmy, and I really adore the concept for this thread (it makes me giggle). It’s a lighthearted start to what I can only imagine will be a very intense plot arc! It’s fun, it’s an entertaining read, and above all else, it’s a fantastic introduction to their relationship.

You didn't have to stoop so low

The contrast between these two threads is amazing, I think this post shows an entirely different side to Grisha. While his inner monologue and overall personality remains consistent, it’s obvious that he is in a completely different state of mind here. He’s frustrated, he’s angry, and he’s absolutely brutal. I love it.

QUOTE
He knew his own words were also rude, that he was insulting the other boy and being hypocritical too, but at those moments he did not care, for, after all, it was all true.

Grisha’s voice is prominent here, and I think it’s extremely distinctive. He sounds different to your other characters, which is something even the most distinguished writers can struggle with at times. This tells me that you have an incredible grasp on Grisha’s character- as you do not fall into the trap of ‘writing what you know’.

Let me explain.

It can be easy to fall into the habit of reusing the same metaphors and tone across your threads - regardless of which character is narrating. This isn’t something I’ve noticed in your threads. It’s easy for me to distinguish between your characters- not because of the way you describe them… but because of how they themselves describe the things around them. For instance, with Grisha, I’ve noticed you use a lot of bird imagery (in his profile for example). This is specific to him, and helps to set him apart from your other characters. It’s something I really admire about you and your writing, and it’s something I don’t think you get enough props for.

Final Thoughts

It’s obvious to me that you and Grisha more than qualify for beginner. Your spelling and grammar were spot on (I am of the belief that longer sentences are not always the same as run-on-sentences but instead can be a stylistic choice), and the actual content of your threads was interesting and fun to read!

I suppose the only thing I could say is that proofreading is key. It’s something that I often mention during reviews- because, we are only human. There is always likely to be a word here or there that seems out of place, or is accidentally missed. Proofreading, unfortunately, is the only way we can pick up on these things. Unlike all our favourite authors, we don’t have an editor to do it for us- so we’re stuck doing it ourselves. The more times you read over your work before posting it, the more likely you are to pick up on things like those pesky missed words.

For novice, I would love to see Grisha’s softer side, if he has one. Beginner can be tricky, because you aren’t given a whole lot of wiggle room to explore every aspect of your characters personality. But, based on what you said about the direction of your plot arc for Grisha, I think it would really strengthen your novice application! I feel like i have a really good grasp of disgruntled/ angry/ playboy/ bigoted Grisha... but I haven’t yet seen the other side of him yet!


Verdict
Anyhow, I’m going to go ahead and APPROVE both you and @Grigoriy Drozdov for beginner! You know where to contact me if you have any questions or concerns <3 Congrats lovely!

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I Can't Escape
the way that I don't fit in with any of this


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Avatars by the wonderful Evan <3

Rollie Pollie Stellie · 17 · 7th · 🕊️ · Pureblood,obviously! · 6'2
Slytherin Novice
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Mar 18 2018, 06:37 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:

The ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ Arc
Originally, I was planning on splitting interactions relating to Grigoriy’s engagement and those relating to his endgame into two separate arcs, but I realized that both things intertwin quite often and that his feelings regarding both situations compliment each other really well. So, I decided to put all the threads together into one arc that is more solid and complete.

This arc actually began in my previous ranking, as it centers around Grigoriy’s engagement to Seraphina and how he was forced to transfer to Hogwarts in order to meet her. Because of this situation, the arc is meant to explore a lot regarding his feelings towards certain members of his family, as well as what he thinks of his role as a Drozdov. At the same time, Grisha has casual relations with a lot of other people, as well as increasingly complicated interactions with Adelaide Wilmont. While him and Addy are meant to be endgames, the development towards this is planned to be really slow and gradual because it involves a whole change of mentality for Grisha, so at the time of this ranking, they’re closer to enemies and truly dislike each other.
    Fire in our [ hearts ] ft. Seraphina Windsor
    For reference, this thread takes place immediately after the one with Seraphina in Grisha’s previous rank up (here, in case you want to check it out for reference). The premise is that, after meeting for the first time at a party and sleeping together, Grisha and Fina wake up at a room in the Three Broomsticks where he – quite bluntly – informs her that he is actually her fiancé. This thread says quite a lot about his thoughts on the engagement, as well as displaying how Grigoriy is often cold, blunt, and how he completely seems to lack sympathy for her situation.

    Power & Control ft. Adelaide Wilmont
    I call the current posts in this thread “the calm before the storm”. At this point, Grisha and Adelaide are closer to what could be considered ‘friends’, they often hang out and have fun together, but everything will change once he finds out she actually comes from a halfblood family, and their relationship will quickly turn sour. Obviously, this is a thread that is still in its early stages, but I personally believe it displays quite a lot about Grisha and Addy’s relationship, specially because there’s an incredible difference between their interactions here and those displayed in the Owl and next thread.

    The Festival - Main Event Thread ft. Cosimia Spiros, Seraphina Windsor, Sol Flowers, Adelaide Wilmont and more!
    There’s only one post here but I included it because it serves as a bridge between threads and it helps tie the arcs together. Basically, Seraphina set up a Kissing Booth stall at the Winter Festival, which annoys Grisha quite a lot because he thinks that’s not behaviour that should be displayed by someone who’s engaged to him (what a hypocrite, right?). So, being petty and prideful as he is, he decides to go kiss Cosimia at her own Kissing Booth right in front of Seraphina.

    10000 Things I Hate About You ft. Adelaide Wilmont (OWL)
    Once again, this was mostly included as complimentary material because it serves as a bridge between threads.
    After Adelaide says quite a few rude things to Grisha at the festival, he decides to send her an Owl condemning her behaviour, which – as expected – results in them insulting each other until Addy suddenly decides she will kidnap Grisha’s kestrel, something he definitely isn’t happy about. After a few more messages, they agree to meet for drinks at the Prefect’s Bathroom.

    I pick my poison [ and it's you ] ft. Adelaide Wilmont
    This is also only a single post, but I thought it was important to include it because – as previously mentioned – the interaction with Adelaide is vastly different from what is displayed in the other thread, and I think it displays well how their relationship is changing (even if it’s for the worse). Also, it says a bit about Grisha’s relationship with his kestrel, and why Nika is so important to him – or at least important enough to go through the torment of spending time with Adelaide (lol).

    Good grief! ft. Sol Flowers
    Ever since Grisha transferred to Hogwarts, him and Sol have become good friends. Despite how different their personalities are, they both share similar views regarding a lot of different things (including, but not limited to, blood purity) and get along really well. In this thread, Grisha and Sol are at the owlery, and while Grigoriy still feels upset about the whole situation with Adelaide, he soon realizes Sol is also dealing with his own issues and it makes him grow concerned. To me, this is really interesting, because Grisha generally doesn’t care for people, and the fact that he worries about Sol comes to show just how much his friendship matters to him.
Miscellaneous Threads
    You can't raise hell with a saint ft. Erik Dwight
    I think the title to this thread is actually quite explanatory of what goes on in it xD As it has probably become clear by now, Grisha isn’t exactly a nice person, and he has very clear views on subjects like blood purity and so on. While that is most certainly meant to change overtime, it hasn’t yet, and I think this interaction with Erik – who he knew since before attending Hogwarts – expresses the way Grisha acts pretty well, specially how his thoughts on things like dating muggleborns can immediately change his opinion on someone he used to get along with just fine.

    Homecoming ft. Arina Drozdova
    This is pretty short, but now that we have some of the Drozdovas around, I really wanted to display the way Grisha interacts with his sisters, especially with those he is most fond of – like Arina. This is their first encounter after his sisters are forced to transfer to Hogwarts, and while he’s very happy to see her, he’s also very concerned about the events that lead to said transfer.
1st Special Request
    Ability: Half-Veela
    What type of ability is this? Inherited trait (His mother is a full Veela)
    Please describe the ability and what it will entail:

    HP Canon doesn’t tell us a lot about what kind of abilities those who carry Veela blood have, but what we do know is that those who are half-Veela inherit their magical abilities from their wizarding parent (in Grigoriy’s case, his father, Yakov) and the beauty and charm from their Veela parent. This would mean that half-Veelas are generally considered to be quite alluring, and that they have the ability to charm many and “entrance them supernaturality” simply by the sight of their beauty appearance – a good example is Ron Weasley’s reaction when meeting Fleur Delacour in The Goblet of Fire and how ‘smitten’ he was. I know that canonically, in WR many have explained this by describing it at some type of pheromone released by those with Veela blood, but my personal belief based on what is said in the HP Wikia is that this is really just a result of a Veela’s own magic and supernatural abilities as a being. In fact, if we were to judge by what Slavic Folklore has to say about Vilas (the creatures that resemble Veelas in mythology), it is generally said that their voice and their singing has the ability to hypnotize those who hear them, making them seem more similar to Greek sirens (although not HP canon sirens xD).

    Beauty and alluring abilities aside, Veelas are also known for their untamable temper, and how, when angered, they transform into something closer to harpies (acquiring bird-like characteristics, etc). While I doubt that such is the case with half-Veelas, I do think that possessing Veela blood most definitely must have certain drawbacks for them, and I can imagine them being quite volatile and prone to sudden outbursts of magic (much alike those of a wix child) when angered. As we know, Grigoriy himself has quite the temper, and one of the reasons I established that Drozdov children weren’t allowed to leave the family’s estate until the age of 11 was because I considered that they took all those years before attending Koldovstoretz to learn to control their temper, their magic, and their abilities as half-Veelas – I will further explain this in one of the following questions. Still, Grisha is only 17, so if he were to truly be mad I would like to mention events like things suddenly breaking in his surroundings, etc.

    On the other hand, it is known that Veelas possess their own kind of magic and that it’s wandless. While I definitely don’t see Grisha as having the same magical abilities of a full Veela and being able to do things like throwing fireballs, a part of me is very interested in seeing how Veela magic interacts with wix magic, and that is why I will be making a second Special Request for tentative wandless abilities. This is obviously something that will be further explained in my second request, but it’s simply something that I see as possible given the Drozdov family’s history with Veela blood and how much time and care they put into teaching their half-Veela children to properly control their Veela abilities. Like I said, it’s something that is very interesting to me, but in no way would I ever wish for any of my characters to fall under a “Sue” category, and that’s in part why I intend of this wandless ability to be very simple and basic spells in Hogwarts Era and to always be limited to fire-based magic.

    Where will this ability apply? Both Hogwarts Era and Clash Era

    How does this ability fit into HP and WR canon?

    Canonically speaking, in the HP Series we can find multiple cases in which individuals descend directly from Veelas, the most prominent ones being within the Delacour family, where Apolline Delacour is known to be a half-Veela while her daughters – Fleur and Gabrielle – are quarter-Veelas.

    While it is not certain if male Veelas exist in HP canon (the question about their existence was in the 2nd Level WOMBATs), it can be assumed that male descendants from Veelas are a possibility, specially if considering that Fleur Delacour and Bill Weasley do have a son, Louis, who is one-eighth Veela – although it is unknown if he inherited any specific Veela characteristics.

    Furthermore, we do already have a few male part-Veela characters in WR, which of course serves to confirm their existence in WR canon.

    How will this ability benefit your character? Or how do you plan to use this ability for development?

    While this is not something that has been mentioned in Grigoriy’s profile or any of his posts (for obvious reasons), the truth is that the Drozdov family has a long history with Veelas and with having members among their ranks that carry Veela blood. In fact, all of Grisha’s sisters and seven out of his eleven cousins are also meant to be half-Veelas (sorry to my sweet Drozdova girls for spoiling the surprise xD). Until now, I have purposely not gone into too much depth about how the Drozdov family functions and their goals, but among them is a deep rooted desire to strengthen pureblood bloodlines that has existed for generations; along with a wish to create better, more powerful, wizards. For the sake of this, they have always been involved in the development of new spells and potions, specially in the darker branches of magic, and have commited a lot of crimes, which include experimenting on both wizards and beings alike. One of their theories is that, possessing their own magic as they do, the blood of Veelas could actually strengthen a bloodline in the long-run, and cause them to produce stronger wizards when introduced in a natural, non-invasive way – by producing offsprings with Veela blood.

    Now, I know that this may seem strange given how most pureblood wizards seem to have a certain prejudice against beings and half-beings, but Slavic as they are, the Drozdovs have never seen Veelas as “bad” or “an abomination”, although they do think of them as inferior. And that’s the fun part. Like I said, all of Grigoriy’s siblings and most of his cousins are meant to be half-Veela, but not all of them are, and that is because while the Drozdovs have this whole plan of: having half-Veela children, arranging their marriage into other powerful pureblood families and seeing “how their offsprings come out”, it has not yet been proven if this is completely effective or the best solution to the issues they face. Because of this, the main bloodline of the Drozdov family is actually kept free of Veela blood, and there’s quite a big divide between those who will become heirs to the Drozdov and those who are part-Veela and will leave the family when the time comes. Boldly said, Grigoriy and most of his relatives are test subjects, and that’s partly why there’s so many of them.

    Of course, this is something he has always been aware of, and most of his life he has been taught about what his purpose is and how to control his abilities as a half-Veela, but it all creates quite a lot of internal conflict for Grisha, because while he’s proud of being a Drozdov and firmly believes in their goals, he’s also aware of the prejudice most people have against half-beings, and it leads him to extremely careful with hiding the fact that he’s a half-Veela – to the point that he actually always uses a Crinus Muto spell to make his hair look darker than it’s natural platinum colour. Aside from their incredible beauty, half-Veelas are canonically quite hard to detect, and the Drozdov family chooses to keep the half-being status of most of its members as a secret, because it could jeopardize their plans if people were to see the family with a negative light – especially when it comes to arranged marriages. For Grisha, it just makes him extremely unsure of how to feel about himself and his family, because while he loves his sisters and cares a lot for them, there are times when he has doubts about his father’s love for them, especially after seeing some of the experiments that take place at the Drozdov estate. He’s very confused, and now that he’s engaged, there are a lot of times when he feels as if a mere puppet of the Drozdov family, so I think all this will greatly contribute to him finally deciding to break away from his family’s wishes for him and from doing everything they say.

    Also, Grisha has been known to be quite proud of being a pureblood and extremely elitist when it comes to blood status, so I would love to play with the fact that he’s actually a half-Veela and the common prejudices against half-beings. Obviously, it makes his whole mentality seem extremely hypocritical, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that Grisha is actually very insecure about being a half-Veela because of what people think of them. So honestly, the plan for the future is for Grisha to slowly learn to accept who he is and that he can do much more than what his family has planned for him. A lot of it will occur when he actually meets his mother (which may occur in a one-shot or over threads with his sisters), because while Grigoriy is aware that his mother is a Veela, he has never seen her, and the only true connection he has with her is the single hair in the core of his wand. Morana, his mother, is actually one of the Veelas who live as a clan in the most distant parts of the Drozdov estate as part of their agreement with the family, and there’s a lot I plan to do with the Drozdov family’s history with Veelas and their interactions with the clan (but this answer already got long enough xD).

    Anything else?

    I know that a lot of these explanations have been centered more on the Drozdov family than on Grisha himself, but the truth is that – given that Grisha isn't the only half-Veela in his family – explaining their history and mentality was fundamental to explaining why I want this Special Request for him. This goes way beyond the fact that he is a half-being and how to deal with the abilities that come with it; this is about his interactions with the people who raised him, his life, and his future. I really want to write Grisha in situations where he has to deal with prejudice, where he struggles with accepting what he is, but mostly, what I’m most interested in is seeing him struggle with feeling as if he’s just an experiment created by his family and beginning to question their morality.

    Because of the themes, this is an arc that will likely be very dark, but I really wanted to write a pureblood family that, while not necessarily evil (they most certainly don’t think they are xD), had a more questionable morality and thoughts on magic, and how this would affect the children raised under their mentality.

    As writers, we’re always telling stories, and this particular plot is something I’m actually very excited about ;-; I can’t really explain the reasons behind it, but Grigoriy is a character I have become extremely fond of, and I really want him to have this personal journey and grow into a better person. I think being a half-Veela is fundamental for it, and I hope you agree with me as you read this request ♡
2nd Special Request
    Ability: Wandless Magic (This is in relation to the previous request, but I figured I ask for it separately for the sake of both organization and transparency)
    Where will this ability apply? Both Hogwarts Era and Clash Era
    What would you rank your character's skill in this ability? Tentative in Hogwarts Era, closer to potent in Clash Era
    What branch of magic does this ability work on?

    Fire-based magic, mostly Charms. Generally, in Hogwarts Era it would be limited to simple spells of said nature, such as small flames (like candlelight) and a very weak Incedio. Even in Clash Era, I don’t plan for him to be capable of casting something as strong as say… a Fiendfyre curse, but I do plan for him to learn to better control and utilize these abilities at will rather than the magic occuring as a result of emotional outbursts and so on. Also, given that the abilities would exist as a result of him being a half-Veela and inheriting part of a Veela’s own brand of wandless magic, his own ability will be exclusively limited to fire magic, and despite having what seems like a natural proficiency for wandless magic, learning any other kind of spell will result utterly impossible no matter how much effort he puts into it or how often he attempts it. After all, while Grisha is often considered to be quite good at spellwork, wandless magic is something that is extremely difficult to learn and do, and he would likely be unable to do it if it wasn’t for his inherited abilities.

    At what age did your character begin to study this ability?

    Despite the legal limitations that say a wix child can’t utilize magic before the age of 11 or out of a school, the Drozdov estate is at a very hidden location, and they consider such laws to be beneath them, always putting priority to teaching each and every one of their members how to become great wizards. That is why, Grigoriy’s magical training and education began when he was very young, at the time he first began to show signs of magic (around age 4). After all, even if a child is known to be half-Veela like most the Drozdov children are supposed to be, since magic is mostly actually inherited from their wix parent, it is impossible to discard the possibility that the child might be a squib. That is why, focused on their research as they were, the Drozdovs actually waited until all children displayed signs of strong magic before beginning to teach them how to utilize their magical abilities, and the moment Grisha displayed a possible proficiency for “Veela wandless magic” – as a result of sudden flames summoned in the middle of a childish temper tantrum at around age 7 – the family decided to begin to teach him how to control such abilities.

    Still, it is something that for him is incredibly difficult to learn, specially because (this is mostly my personal headcanon) a Veela’s wandless magic is quite different from that of a wizard, and the method to learn it is quite different as well. That being the case, throughout his childhood he never made much progress, and wandless magic mostly came suddenly, as a result of his anger, and in the form of small flames. That being the case, he was mostly taught how to keep himself from utilizing these abilities by understanding them better, and he only truly began being able to summon small flames at will a couple of years ago, while the biggest developments in his use of wandless magic will be made towards the future and now that he’s 17.

    Who was his or her mentor in this ability? Or who will be his or her mentor?

    It is established that the Drozdov family has quite a lot of people working at their estate, a few of them being the tutors that educated Grigoriy and his sisters on topics like magic, politics, languages, etc. Given the fact that they’re half-Veelas, it wouldn’t be surprising that a wizard or witch capable of performing wandless magic was among these tutors, as the Drozdovs truly focus on having their children learn to control every aspect of their abilities as half-Veelas and also develop their natural, wix, magical abilities as they do so. But, as I mentioned, I believe the magical abilities of a Veela are quite different from those of a wizard, and this tutor likely focused on the theoretical principles behind wandless magic, as well as “what to do if you were to see yourself capable of performing wandless magic.”

    Because of this, the actual development Grisha’s abilities have had so far – as small as it has been – is a result of his own restless effort, application of personal theories, and dedication. I actually plan for his real tutor on how to utilize these wandless abilities to be his own mother. As a Veela, Morana understands how to utilize these abilities better than any wizard capable of using wandless magic, and I want for Grisha’s actual use of the ability to be a mixture of everything she teaches him plus what he has already been taught on the matter. Like I said before, it’s really important to me that Grisha’s wandless magic is a result of an inherited ability he learns to control and develop rather than the usual wandless abilities of a wix, because he isn’t even remotely fond of fire-based magic, and I believe he will find it incredibly frustrating to not to be able to learn the kind of spells he actually wants to use and learn.

    It is very likely that, in this frustration, he may go out of his way to address professors or students capable of using wandless magic and ask them about their abilities, all in the hope of reaching a better understanding. Until, of course, realizing that the only reason he can use wandless magic is basically because he’s half-Veela and resulting to be being very annoyed about it xD I haven’t plotted with anyone in particular about this, but it’s a possibility I would like to have open ♡

    How will this ability benefit your character? Or how do you plan to use this ability for development?

    All in all, Grigoriy is extremely proud of being a wizard and in actually being good at magic. He puts a lot of time, effort, and dedication into learning advanced spells, and his wand is truly his favourite item. Having been made aware that he could potentially perform wandless magic if he put effort into it, he has always had the ambition to learn how to do it and to actually develop said ability, even if the path has been extremely rocky and arduous so far. It obviously won’t get any easier. Currently, while the plan is for him to be able to summon small flames wandlessly if he puts a lot of focus, he isn’t fond of using the ability, specially because he considers it to be a rather obvious giveaway of the fact that he is a half-Veela. As I mentioned before, he will find it extremely frustrating to realize that he can only utilize fire-based magic and that it's all mostly because of what he has inherited from his mother, and such realization will definitely contribute to him disliking what he is and dreading his status as a half-being.

    Still, I plan for there to be a great shift after he actually meets his mother and learns more about these abilities, not only because spending time with her will initially be confusing for him, but because actually growing to understand these abilities and be able to use them thanks to her help will be incredibly important to Grigoriy, and will be a factor in him developing a fondness for his mother he never imagined he could feel (because she wasn’t present most of his life and also because she is a being). I think that, eventually, using wandless magic will be something that will actually help him feel proud of who is and accept it, especially because it's such a rare ability and one that takes such effort to learn. Of course, I don’t think it to be something that will have much use in his life unless he gets creative (maybe he won't need a lighter anymore? xD) but I think it to be relevant because of the personal journey that will come with learning to use this ability.

    Anything Else? I really don’t know what else I could possibly say, I’m sorry for making you read through so much but my intention was to explain the reasoning behind these requests as best as I could. As it’s probably obvious by now, the intention behind Grisha’s wandless magic is for it to be complementary to the fact that he’s a half-Veela, and I decided to write it as a second request rather than as a part of the first one because I thought it was something that could be explained further.

    All that aside, I have to admit that as a writer the possibility of writing him using magic wandlessly really excites me, because it’s not something I’ve done in WURR so far – because I don’t have any other characters that have the special request – and I take it as somewhat of a small challenge. This is something I really want for Grisha (otherwise I wouldn’t be requesting it, right?) and to me, the ability makes sense in compliment to his first request and who he is a character, as well as when considering his relationship with magic. I hope you see the same when reading this!
Commentary: If I’m being completely honest, lately writing Grisha has not been easy for me, and I’ve struggled quite a lot with his voice and his muse. There are multiple reasons for this, and I won’t bother going into detail about it, but it’s something that makes me sad because I really love him as a character. This is also why I decided to rank him now and not later, because while I usually would have preferred waiting until most my threads were a bit more developed, I’m hoping that the feedback of this rank up (and hopefully obtaining his Special Requests) serve as motivation. Obviously, I have a very clear path I set for where I want to take him, but I really really really would love to hear the thoughts of others on these plots and my writing of him, as well positive feedback, because I find myself in desperate need of it. Writing in general has not been easy for me at all in the past few months, I’ve struggled with a lot of negative feelings about my writing and about ‘not being good enough’, but Grisha is a character I really love and that means a lot to me, and I want to continue to develop him and see where his arcs take him. Thank you in advance for all your hard work ♡

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Robin · 15 · 5th Year · Viridian Guild Leader · Pureblood · 5'
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Mar 18 2018, 06:39 AM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

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Kenz · 17 · 7th · Neutral · Halfblood · 6'1"
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Mar 26 2018, 08:43 PM   Link Quote
Heyas, Stells! You’ve been waiting long enough for this review. For formality sake, I’m Kenzie and I’m looking forward to learning more about Grisha and all the ins and outs of your writing style. First, let’s get the pesky requirements out of the way, shall we?

QUOTE
what we’re looking for at novice
At least 9 posts by your character over 3 threads.
Some variation in who you're posting with (ie. threads should not all be with the same character).
The beginnings of a long-term plot arc, or at least an idea of where you would like to see your character move towards.
A special request (if you'd like one) and your justification for the request. Make sure to highlight any changes you have made between Beginner and now.
At Novice, we are focused on consistency in character and writing. At this stage, we will take a break from your profile, and look solely at your character’s threads and plots, with a focus on your character as they have now had time to interact with others. Having had time to develop your character, you should be comfortable writing some common situations they find themselves in. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation should also be consistently correct at this stage, if not always perfect.


I’m going to be a little untraditional here and start with your special request first. The reason I’m going to do this is that I read your application - all of it - before reading your threads. I must say, I’m pretty blown away by both of them, but let’s talk about them one at a time.

First Request

→ Well snap, I’ve learned more about Veelas in this request than I’ve ever known. I’m impressed you spent the time to include all of the background that you could on Veelas, the information from the HP Wiki, using examples from the books themselves, putting WR into the equation, and last but not least, you incorporated this special request into the very heart and soul of Grisha’s person and history. You’ve planned for this, you’ve thought this through from the start, but at the same time, you never broke the rules about incorporating the special request before it was allowed, either. You were careful, you planned, you analyzed, you researched and Stells, the result is that not only did I learn about Veelas in this explanation, I learned about the Drozdov without opening your character’s threads or profiles. This tells me two things - you’ve planned this from the very beginning and that the history the Drozdov family is complex and complete.

I’m not saying that your profile is complete and that’s not something we look at today, as you know, and you will of course, always figure out more about Grisha as you continue to write him and explore his character further. However, what I do want to tell you is that this history is amazing and I know already that Grisha will be an amazing character. I want to warn you about “jumping” with this request and not sliding your readers into it - by which, I mean consider doing one of the following:

→ Write a one shot where he finds out he’s Veela, even if he was young
→ Consider incorporating memories and feelings into your upcoming threads about his “condition”. We know that Grisha has strong, intense feelings, something you even have linked back to this request, but I want to know how he feels about this bloodline, past and present.

Mostly I’m just asking not to jump into this request without any background for your readers because you have established a character without him, if this makes sense. These are suggestions but ultimately, he is your character and I know whatever you choose to do, it will be wonderful.

2nd special request

→ The very core of this request comes from more history - history of what Veelas are capable of, the history of the Drozdov family and I’m struck once more with how you thought this out, how you incorporated all of these different features and items into a tight little bubble in order to fully explain to reviewers how you want to use these requests together, to enhance your character, plots and your writing. I’m absolutely amazed about how much I have learned about Grisha’s personality and his history without opening a thread or a profile because of how well explained both of these requests are. The only piece of advice I have for you here is to make sure that he doesn’t master this too fast. Don’t jump the gun - let plots and threads flow, let success come to Grisha as the perfect opportunity comes to you. After all, you said he’s going to be annoyed about this request too. I look forward to seeing how this all plays out.

I APPROVE you and @Grigoriy Drozdov For his special request. (x2)

Now, on to the fun part - threads! Let’s look at how you qualify for Novice, shall we? I’m looking forward to this after all we have learned about Grisha in this application. Let’s get started.

QUOTE (Fire in our (hearts))
In part, he knew why, he knew that he had been annoyed by seeing that his fiancée was apparently some girl who drank too much and flirted with every attractive guy in sight. He knew that regardless of all that she had actually managed to spark his interest, and that the truth had taken a secondary place in his mind the moment they first made out. He also knew that it was rude not to have told her the truth back then, that she would likely resent him for it, especially if he chose to tell her the very moment she woke up, but… did he care? No, he really didn’t care all that much.


→ Weee, what an opening. I should admit to you that I read the first thread with Fina and Grisha out of curiosity. This quote tells us so much about Grisha as a person as well as how he views the girl whom he just slept with, a small bit of how he views society, and how he cares mostly only cares about himself. Or at least, right in this moment. I’m struck in this thread how you have the details of his tattoo, the annoyance about Fina perhaps not knowing who his family or he is, and how you have weaved the character to become very real with his feelings from the very start. I’m looking forward to the continuation of this thread and I know that this is going to be a wild ride you and Kimmy have set up for them. I think, even as he might not like their situation, the fact that he is also thinking of her as he tries to explain this mishap to her. Or at the very least, his dialogue is tentative enough that it makes it seem as though Grisha is nervous or he cares. Or just, as you’ve pointed out in the second post that he doesn’t want lies to catch up with him later on.

QUOTE (power and control)
while the frown did fade the moment he was greeted by the younger girl, there was no smile to return hers, instead quirking one single brow at the accusation of making her wait. Had he made her wait? Last he checked, he was only late by a few minutes, but apparently British people were as finicky about their punctuality as most expected. Too bad, as that surely wasn’t the fault of the Russian boy, was it? “Some things are worth waiting for,” he responded then, words failing to express much emotion while coated in the Slavic accent that gave away his land of birth.


→ So I read your previous reviews requesting a softer side of Grisha if there was one and I am just amused by this paragraph. You told me these two characters are supposed to be friends and at the same time - there’s no smile, there’s no apologies for her feelings, there’s only that history weaved into your posts with his accent and pieces of his personality etched into the very smallest pieces of these sentences.

Furthermore, this relationship is intriguing and interesting all wrapped up into one. I found myself laughing and shaking my head at Grisha’s inner thoughts and his actions, which while were flirty and enjoying himself, also different than how he acted with his fiancee in the previous thread. This relationship is one that seems to be good for him, one that I look forward to seeing more of in the coming threads. Furthermore, I want to drop this gem in here:

QUOTE (power and control)
She was proud, and arrogant, enough to think she was worthy of his undivided attention for that whole afternoon. And while she was wrong about it all, Grigoriy didn’t bother correcting her, for dealing with proud girls who demanded his attention was easier than with those who were too shy to make a move. After all, having to work for what he wanted was not amusing at all. It was why he usually didn’t flirt, and why girls like Adelaide were so attractive to him: just like that, she gave him exactly what he wanted, without a need for him to ask or to motivate her at all. She was smart, and, vulgarly said…it was hot.


→ Like, who came in and made him the king of the universe? Oh wait, You did, because the way you have written him is quite amazing and beautiful, giving us his feelings, what he thinks of Adelaide and his usual actions as well as telling us more about him. I’m impressed by how real you’ve created Grisha to become for me in a very short amount of time.

Battle of the Fiances leaves me hungry for more. Hungry for more Grisha and all of the girls in his life and how this arc is playing out. I’m glad you included it, even as I wish you had written more responses within - this happens, but I was itching for more, if you get what I mean.

QUOTE (I pick my poison [and it’s you)
] “You know, halfbloods are unappealing and all, but you must really be desperate if you have to resort to extortion and taking hostages in order to get men to spend time with you.” The words came cold and coated in the usual Slavic intonation that gave them an even sharper tone. Not even a hello, of course he would insult her from the very moment he saw her disgusting – although arguably quite beautiful – expression. Oh how he hated the fact that he still thought she was attractive despite the fact that one of her parents was a filthy blood traitor. “Don’t worry, this is not a date. I would never stoop so low. So, how about you let me see Nika and then we have a toast?” It was then when the bottle was raised, a brow quirked, almost as if challenging her.


→ Hey look what came to join us - an attitude. Grisha is everything you have promised me in his application and I truly impressed by this. You know him inside and out already and this is something we don’t always see at Novice level - some of us are just getting to know our characters and you’ve surpassed us.

QUOTE ( Good grief! Life is hard when your a pureblood)
Grisha knew something was up with Sol. The shorter snake hadn’t had a need to say anything in order for him to know, and actually, perhaps the fact that he hadn’t said much at all was exactly what had made the truth so obvious to the Russian boy.


→See, this opening was something that I was expecting when you told me that Grisha was friends with Adelaide and I am happy to see it here because even though you haven’t come out and told us, the tone for this is that Grisha does have a friend he cares about and this makes me happy - and able to see that softer side of Grisha, as someone in your previous ranking asked for.

This thread with Erik was a great one to include because it gives more hints to the background of the family whom Grisha belongs to. I would love to see more family history weaved into your posts, something I realized halfway through this review you are probably saving for when the special requests are added to Grisha - because I’ve met your characters before and usually there’s more hints of their pasts than there is here. So here’s my plead to you to weave that beautiful history in his posts in the future because there is so much stuff I have learned about him in the application and I want more, Stells. I want more.

QUOTE (Homecoming)
That was the problem with having people he truly cared about; they swayed his emotions, they filled him with concern, they made him want to see them smile. Of all the people in the world, it had always been his sisters that earned such a right, and it almost made him feel stupid as he walked down the corridors towards the dungeons, a sigh escaping him because truthfully, as much as he has missed them, having them be back at Koldovstoretz had been less concerning than seeing them at that place.


→Please keep exploring these relationships with his sisters, whether it be through one shots, more threads, memories… Just keep them coming because they made the boy smile and it is a great thing to read about. The boy needs some free, happy moments in his life with all the other threads, plots and emotions you’ve sent us on a journey to read about. We need this side of Grisha as well, sometimes.

Overall thoughts

→ It needs to be said, Stells, that your grammar and spelling is amazing. If there are any typos or errors in these threads I didn’t find them other than starting a sentence with “And” and I’m pretty sure the few times I saw it, it was on purpose and there are exceptions to every single English rule and we all know this.
→ I want you to consider weaving more family memories, interactions, feelings and background story into your posts in the future. As I mentioned before, I suspect you’ve been holding this back for a good reason, but either way, I want to see more.
→ More happiness - Angst plots are great, but I want to see more smiles and since he seems to only with his sisters, this goes back to the previous point, memories and family members.
→ I’m absolutely amazed with how many people ic and ooc characters are involved in this application. This is awesome to see. I know so many ooc writers involved in arcs are hard to incorporate, but you did very well with this.
→ My last tip is --- take your time. This is novice, but next rank up, please consider letting threads develop more so we can see change over time. I know this is the hardest thing to do when you’re wishing for muse or waiting for other writer’s to get back to you, but I think this will benefit you in the long run.

We are finally to the end of this review and it’s been an awesome ride. I look forward to seeing you and Grisha around the board, and the progress the both of you make in the future. I APPROVE you and Grisha for Novice, congratulations. Good luck with the next review and as always, if you have any questions, comments or concerns about this review, please come find me via PM or Skype, I’m pretty sure you have my number <3

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Lacey · 17 · 7th · Undecided · Pureblood · 5'4''
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Apr 2 2018, 07:48 AM   Link Quote
Hello Stells! For the sake of formalities, my name is Lacey and I will be your second reviewer today for the rank of NOVICE. Kenz has already done a wonderful job breaking down the requirments and making sure that they are all checked off, so why don't we get started? I'm going to be focusing on your '10 Things I Hate About You' Arc, in relation to your threads. ^^

Fire in our [ hearts ]
I'm glad you included this thread, especially because it's a continuation from beginner and the start of the arc with Grisha and Seraphina. I like how you flow your writing, leaving a lot of the commentary until the end, with the descriptions in the beginning. You did an excellent job proofreading, and only found one mixed matched word ('raise' instead of 'raises'). The reason I bring this up is to highlight the fact that I already see improvement from beginner to novice, which is awesome. This is why we are here! To improve and grow! Great job! I like this thread, giving an insight to Grisha's feelings towards his family tradition, his tattoo, and how his personality is so strong in his internal monologue. I want to see more of this thread!

Power & Control
QUOTE
No one was worth making someone like Grigoriy Drozdov rush, not even an arguably pretty girl with whom he lately may or may have not been having fun. Grisha? Having fun? To some people that in itself would have been considered one of the true signs of a coming apocalypse which would cause the whole world's demise - or perhaps simply of the winter season that seemed to approach all too fast. But most people didn't really know the freshly minted snake all that well, did they? And just because he didn't quite look like the kind of person who often had fun, that didn't mean there weren't things in which he found enjoyment and which sometimes could even cause him to smile.


I love this opening. It's so important to show a softer side of Grisha, and even though he is not a soft character at all, he still has feelings, friends and the ability to have fun. I love it!

QUOTE
  Yet, there was still that tiny voice in his head, the one that reminded him how upset those girls he did care about would have been if he had made them wait - a thought that made him smirk for a mere moment as he sat by the side of Adelaide. "Maybe I can make it up to you. You look nice, by the way." If there was something one learned after growing up with seven girls, was that simple compliments on their appearance always seemed to work well.

I highlight this because it shows how already his attitude is different towards Adelaide. Why do I say that? So he thinks about the other girls and how they might have been annoyed, which makes him chuckle, and then he ultimately decides on making it up to Adelaide, for making her wait. Its already apparent that he is separating Adelaide from other girls, even if Grisha doesn't realize he is doing it!

QUOTE
. "Ideas, huh? I have a few..." he responded then, closing the distance between them until their lips met, the kiss never as gentle as hers. Ah, there it was... that almost entrancing feeling that came with the smoothness of someone else's lips, with the how soft those of a girl usually were, and with all those things that seemed to accompany a kiss: the warm, the faint scent of a perfume, even the coldness of that Autumn weather and how humid the air was.


I love this. Its not specific to Adelaide, but about kissing woman in general. I think it really shows who Grisha is. I like it! The only thing I can say about this thread is that I want more. I can't wait to see this thread grow! I'll be stalking it!

The Festival - Main Event Thread

Oh yes, I remember this. I don't have much to say about this thread, other than that you're right, its important to throw in there because of Adelaide's attitude towards Grisha, and his overall disrespect of his engagement to Seraphina. The arc is alive and strong in this one!

10000 Things I Hate About You

Totally important to commentary towards the Arc. It's still so interesting to me that he is bickering with her, and then agrees to meet with her, despite everything. It's so cute to see them push each other away, but can't stand to be away from each other. I'm a hopeless romantic rooting for team Grisha/Adelaide.

I Pick My Posion [ and it's you ]

I love the name of this thread. PERFECT!

QUOTE
  "You know, halfbloods are unappealing and all, but you must really be desperate if you have to resort to extortion and taking hostages in order to get men to spend time with you." The words came cold and coated in the usual Slavic intonation that gave them an even sharper tone. Not even a hello, of course he would insult her from the very moment he saw her disgusting - although arguably quite beautiful - expression. Oh how he hated the fact that he still thought she was attractive despite the fact that one of her parents was a filthy blood traitor.


Hahahha. What can I say? It's so perfect in every way. I can't wait to see more, more, more. Please continue with this thread? The most I can say about this thread that its short, and I wish there was more to read! Feed my bleeding heart, Stells.

Good Grief!

I'm glad you included this. I think its important for Grisha to share his feelings, or struggle to concel his feelings, with his friends. For your next review, I would really like to see more threads with Sol and some of Grisha's other friends, so we can see how he acts with his friends, regarding the drama he is facing with the females in his life!

Miscellaneous Threads

I don't have much to say about these threads, other than the fact that they are important to Grisha's development, aside from the Arc, but do a good job describing his personality that we seen in those threads with Seraphina and Adelaide. Great reads!

Special Request

The moment we were all waiting for. What can I say? As far as the Half-Veela request, I agree with Kenz, I've learned more about the Veela lore in your post than I have over all my years of reading and obsessing over HP Canon! I want to see how you work this into his personality and his relationships. I happily APPROVE this request, as you have thought very long and hard about this, and it just makes perfect sense for Grisha. My advice would be along the same lines as Kenz's; make sure we get a thorough history made for this in the future, as it is an inherited trait. Have fun!

As far as Wandless Magic, I think you did a great job convincing both Kenz and I that you are more than deserving of this request, so therefore I happily APPROVE this request as well!

Overall Thoughts

I think you've done a wonderful job taking the advice from your first ranking. Continue to proofread and develop Grisha, but you are already well on your way with both of those things! My biggest piece of advice would be to make sure you develop your threads a bit more. I would love to see more posts and commentary in each thread. I can't wait to continue reading and watching Grisha grow! I happily APPROVE you and Grisha for the rank of NOVICE! Congrats, my dear! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to me! <333

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