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 Archibald Munn - Novice, June 24th
Stellarity · 17 · 7th · AEGIS Leader · Pureblood · 6'3
Slytherin Novice
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May 9 2017, 11:34 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Beginner
Link to character workshop topic: This took me way longer than expected
At least two of your recent role play topics:

Ducks in a row ft. Athelstan Munn
Archie and his younger brother, Stan, go back to their home over the weekend, they feed the ducks at the pond near the manor and talk about family things.

Down in the king's lair ft. Aaralynn Grey
Archie and Lynn used to be childhood friends, but as time passed things changed. When he sneaks out at night to smoke a cigarette and runs into her at the lake, things get a little...tense, especially considering she’s drunk and he may or may not be overly judgemental of it.

You could just say hello ft. Helene Aquila
Another lake thread! When Archie goes to read a book by the lake he’s suddenly interrupted by a stranger (and a girl of all things, the horror!), he finds this quite off putting, especially considering their conversation gets rather personal.

You're so very special (I wish I was special) ft. Victoria Isley
I’m putting this here because even though it’s only one post so far, it describes how Archie feels being at the greenhouses and that’s an important part of his life. Basically Tori has somewhat of a crush on Archie ever since they wento to Durmstrang, she sends him owls and often talks to him. Of course, he’s completely clueless about it.

Commentary: I tried to offer some thread variety, but honestly there’s not much to say, I have a lot of fun writing Archie and it comes quite easily. I do have a lot of plans for him in the future, mostly because of how much work I put into the Munn family as a whole. So, I would mostly want to ask for opinions and general constructive criticism <3 xo

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снʌяɩιε · 16 · 6th · · Cursed · 5'2"
Hufflepuff Intermediate
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May 9 2017, 12:32 PM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

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the oncoming storm | 05 CHARLIE COOPER
hufflepuff | loyalty, endurance, true victory

{ workshop plotter }
Cec · 17 · 7th · AEGIS · Muggleborn · 6'1"
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May 16 2017, 12:01 PM   Link Quote
Stells, bells! Hello! Cec here, and I will be Archie's first reviewer for Beginner status! I apologize for the long wait, but wait no longer! I'll be taking a look at Archie's profile, paying particular attention to his background and personality, with a few little snippets from your posts that seem to correlate these attributes! Let's get started, shall we? As I'm sure you know (but we throw them up just in case), these are the criteria we'll be looking at for the rank of Beginner:
QUOTE


  • At least 4 posts by your character over 2 threads. Your most recent post must be made within three months of the date of your application.

  • Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision of each section posted by you. (If you choose not to include an appearance section at sorting, you must include it when you post your workshop profile, and then provide a subsequent revision for this rank).

  • At the beginner rank, we are focused on building up your character. We will give you suggestions on how to expand your profiles and posts, particularly in regards to content, in order to gain as complete a picture of your character as possible. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.) and spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post. Additionally, we'd like to see that you have made an effort to expand all areas of the profile (i.e. not just personality or not just history).


All of these things are in order, so let's crack this thing open!

Appearance

First of all, let me say that your choice of PB for Archie is perfect for the descriptions you give of him. While that is nowhere near a requirement, it is something that will make Archie stand out on the boards, and it makes him very easy to remember.

Now, moving on to the rest of his appearance. I absolutely love how you've managed to describe everything from Archie's posture to the way he wears his clothes with such detail that it can easily be seen in the mind's eye. After having read through his appearance just once, it was still very easy to draw up an image of Archie in his school robes, his hair neatly combed and in place, standing tall and confident amongst a sea of teenagers with messy robes and poor posture. He is a sophisticated individual who holds himself and his appearance in high regard.

One line in particular that I love is this.
QUOTE
...taking care of the plants in his garden with an affection that’s denied to most people around him.


What a beautiful transition from Archie's physical appearance into his personality, which I will cover in the next section! But before we move onto that, I want to pull out one more little snippet that I love.

QUOTE
...or all those other small details that make him look much alike his brother or some of the people depicted on the portraits that decorate the halls of their Berkshire home.


The family resemblance. While this may not seem like anything to spotlight initially, I think that it is brilliant, and here's why. Archie doesn't just share the traits of his parents or look similar to his siblings, his prominent features extend waaaay back. It's a family trait that cannot be denied and ties him to his ancestors which have long since passed. There's no question as to whether or not Archie belongs in the halls of the Munn Manor. He's an apple that did not fall far from its parent tree. When it comes to purebloods, that means a lot, for people to know who you are without really knowing you.

Personality

Let me just say, that this is the most amazing opener to a personality description that I have seen in a long time.
QUOTE
Do you remember that kid? Surely you must, almost about anyone had a kid like that one in their lives at least once or twice. The one your parents would always talk about, the one they would compare you to, wondering why you weren’t as well behaved and smart and nice as he or she was. The one who was just so perfect to everyone’s eyes and seemed incapable of doing anything wrong.

Yes, yes I do remember that kid. That kid was a cousin of mine, and my mother practically picked her out for me as my "role model". And, as you so brilliantly stated, I'm sure everyone has had an individual like that in their life at some point or another. The fact that you are comparing Archie with individuals that every reader can relate to is marvelous and definitely helps to get a feel of just how "perfect" the outside world sees Archie as. Bravo!

QUOTE
If it were his choice, life would would a game of Wizard’s Chess, one where every move of every piece could be predicted to an extent, where every action had a reaction and an appropriate response in return, where all he had to do to win was outsmart his opponent, and where he was no piece but the player himself.


I love the comparison you're making between Archie and his dislike of the unexpected. He's a well put together individual who needs to have control in all aspects of his life from his appearance to his interactions. However, there is one thing that I might caution against, and it's more evident in the following sentence.
QUOTE
Sadly, his life is no game of chess, and if it were, he would not be more than a mere chessmen in someone else’s game, because, in the end, he’s still a boy, one who listens to his family every request, one who had been molded to become the perfect piece in his father’s game of chess.


That is a lot of commas. There's eight in total in the one sentence alone (and five in the sentence preceding it). The reason I caution against this is because commas insinuate a sort of pause in the flow of the sentence. When used to this extent, it makes the reader slow down so often that, by the time they get to the end of the sentence, they've forgotten what the beginning said. My suggestion for the future would be to break these up into several different sentences instead of one long one.

Moving on, we have a little insight into just how serious Archie takes his heritage.
QUOTE
do his best to become good at archery despite not having a natural ability for it, playing Quidditch despite never being particularly interested in the sport.


Not only is Archie willing to partake in the activities that his family approves of that he enjoys. but we also see that he's willing to do the things he has no desire to do for the mere sake of pleasing those that he deems the most important in the family.

Now, there's a ton of other little gems I could pull out, but I think you get the picture here. I really enjoy the picture that you've drawn up of Archie and it's all tying in together very nicely. So let's move on to the final section!

Character Background

I'm going to start off with what is perhaps my favorite piece from this section.
QUOTE
And so, from the roots and up the trunk began to grow the tree, branches extending as family members were born, all of them carrying names which began with the first letter of the alphabet, one of the many traditions which would definite such a family.


Lovely. Also, I had not initially noticed that all of the family members had names beginning with "A", but having read this, I now know and I think that is a very unique little tradition you have incorporated that's not incredibly over-the-top or outrageous. It's simple, yet elegant. Just like the Munn family, no?

Archie's family history is beautiful to read. Honestly, had I not known any better, I would have thought that I was reading the background of an actual historical family in the real world. It's very well written and I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into it. The details are lovely and help bring the story to life. Most people would overlook such minute details, but your addition of them just makes the whole story that much more enjoyable.

I won't pull out any quote in particular, but I like how you've made Athelstan a large part of Archie's background and made mention of how close the brothers are. I've briefly read over some of your threads as well (particular the one with Tine and Athelstan) and the interaction you've described in Archie's history is exactly like the interaction you've made in your threads, making the whole story fit together like a splendid puzzle. Fantastic work!

Whew! Okay, so now that all of that is out of the way, I'm just going to quickly touch on your "additional comments" and offer just a few quick suggestions for your next ranking! First, as I mentioned earlier, be careful with the comma usage. It's okay to break sentences up in order to give the reader a chance to take a breath. Secondly, keep building on the Munn family history! It was such an enjoyment to read and see where Archie and his family fit into everything! Lastly, I really liked your comparison between the kind of person Archie is and the person we all know in our lives. Continue making those comparisons and everyone will have no doubt who the Archie in their own lives is!

So, without further ado, I hereby APPROVE @Archibald Munn for the Beginner Rank! Congratulations, Stells! And good luck with your next review!

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Jinx · 17 · 6th · Neutral · Pureblood · 5'11"
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May 24 2017, 11:40 AM   Link Quote
Stells! Jinx here for your second review. I'm very, very sorry for making you wait so long, but thank you so much for your patience as well! Since Cec has done the nice profile bit for you, my review will mainly focus on posts this time around. That being said, I'll try to give you the best insight I can possibly give!

So first, let's get the most boring hated part out of the way: grammar! For the most part, I'm like 90% sure that we all hate listening to this kind of advice, so I'll keep this brief. In general, your grammar is (at least) definitely up to par for beginner. My only concern would be the very long sentences that Cec mentioned in her review, as this does show up in your posts, too. Style wise -- but also on the subject of grammar -- I don't know if you've noticed it, but I've noticed that during Archie's narratives, there is a fondness for rhetorical questions. As a reader, this kind of gives off the tone that Archie is not as certain as he seems despite his very by-the-book way of living, which I will elaborate on more later.

I also did a review for Stan, and reading the two profiles and being able to compare them was fun. I love that Stan's sections are opened up with bits of Lancelot's tales, whereas Archie's profile sections have definitions of specific words. The fantastical vs. the practical. It's just a very nice comparison between both brothers. In addition, this fits in with the whole thing of (please forgive me as I paraphrase) but Archie's very level-headed, living in realities sort of mindset (as mentioned in the thread with Lynn c: ). That being said, the reason I mentioned the question marks earlier is because having Archie question so many things (Why is he nice to Victoria Isley? Was Aaralyn Grey still a friend? What wasn' old fashioned about the Munn family) gives the effect that he is not as certain about things as he should be despite legacy and family and tradition telling him what to do and believe. I don't know if this is what you're going for, and it's sort of foreshadowing future events, then wooo! I applaud you c: and if somehow this wasn't the meaning you meant to give across with your writing, I would suggest using less questions and more declarations!

Did you play DA:I? I feel like you did and we talked about it in the cbox, but if I'm mistaking you for someone else forgive me. And also if you didn't, then feel free to ignore this bit, BUT if you did, there is a part where if you romance Solas, he mentions off-handedly that he thinks you're graceful. Which then causes the inquisitor to ask, "You think I'm graceful?" and he responds with, "I don't think it; I declared it." (isn't he f***ing smooth? I hate that eggheaded elf in the best way). That tidbit aside, it's the same with the style, too! Having more things stated as fact as opposed to in question gives off more confidence, more of an "I am a Munn and this is what a Munn is and this is how a Munn thinks" vibe, but what you also have going now is great if you are hinting at personality development for later ranks.

Phew. I told you I'd be brief with grammar but I ended up ranting about other parts I liked in your profile and went back to it again, haha. Sorry! Now we will move on actually! You have a great sense of physical action. You do a really great job of describing expressions and body language in your posts so that, even though Archie is not the type show his hand, as a reader I can still understand what is unfolding in the current scene.

On the subject of scene, another thing I think you do well is the incorporation of memory triggers and family in your descriptions of the environment. In the beginning, it was a little long-winded and could've had more elaboration like in this bit in the first post of the Stan thread:

QUOTE
It showed in the manor itself, in the decoration, the painted portraits of long gone ancestors, in the coat of arms displayed close to the entrance, the relics that rested here and there, the dinner table set with more silverware than meals, and so many other details that just screamed ancient lineage.


While these are things that mention lineage, I think the description could have gone just a little more in depth here! Like would Archie know why those ancestors were displayed and did he admire them for their accomplishments? What relics rested here and there and where? Is there a trophy room of the Munn accomplishments? The Munn hall of fame? hehe. And a coat of arms that, based on your profile, I would assume would have some sort of relation to the family motto right?! This description, even though it does have description, could be more tied in with Archie! You do, however, improve so much in later parts.

QUOTE

They were the scents of the forest. Like those forests which surrounded Munn Manor, those through which he had walked since he first could walk, and ran through since he first could run. Those forest he had explored by the hand of his younger brother, those in which they played and laughed, those which made him think of home.


This quote above is a wonderful example of environment (in the current situation) as well is relation to memories from the past and the emotions attached to those memories. What Archie smells now, he likes, because they give him good memories, ones that invoke nostalgia and happiness and a feeling of home. That being said, I would love to see more of this if you can, especially considering that memories are probably important to Archibald, considering that much of his life is led by tradition.

And then oneee last bit, I swear. There is a paragraph in the thread with Aaralynn that Archie looks at the moon and thinks about not how pretty it is, but how it's only that way because of the sun. Now maybe I read way too much into this, but I loved this paragraph a lot. It stood out to me because in a way Archibald is like the sun of his family -- the center of it all, the perfect one, the one everyone turns to -- and Stan is the moon of the Munn's -- he comes to mind second after Archie, he's sort of in the shadows of the family. But most importantly, there is this:

QUOTE
Were they happy? Questions like those often crossed the boy’s mind, yet he never really had an answer for them, as there was no way he would ask such things out loud. Sometimes, as they had conversations like those, it became quite clear how different both siblings were, and while it resulted obvious that Athelstan was in fact happy, the older Munn boy wondered what was the true cost of that happiness, if his brother had abandoned their family ideals forever or still wanted to make their father proud as badly as he did and tried to.


The moon is only pretty because it depends on the sun; likewise, is Stan only happy because he can depend on Archie to look after him and deal with all the family ideals that his younger brother was allowed to toss aside? Now, I probably read waaaay too much into this (blame the AP english if you will), but it's just something I really liked and saw a connection between and wanted to point out as for some food for thought if you decide to pursue further ranks!

Now that that's all been said and done, I happily APPROVE you and @Archibald Munn for Beginner. Again, I am so, so sorry for the wait Stells, and I hope that this review lived at least a tiny bit up to your expectations! <33 Congratulations! Can't wait to see where the Munns go next.

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thank you evan for pixel <3 and thank you so much lacey for the secret santa banner c:
Stellarity · 17 · 7th · AEGIS Leader · Pureblood · 6'3
Slytherin Novice
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Awards: 33

Jun 24 2017, 12:59 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:

MISC.

Read me the last rites ft. Njord Vikernes [Completed]
Archie and Njord are not supposed to be friends, their families dislike each other and he has been taught not to trust anyone related to the Nilssons since a very young age. Yet, despite all odds, they are close, and Njord is one of the people Archie trusts the most in the whole school - enough to comfort him when his friend shares the concern which have been haunting him for long. This was actually my first thread ever with Archie, so I consider it important to be here for that reason, aside from the further developments that are planned for the relationship and how important it currently is to Archie.

Music makes us free ft. Natália Silveira
When Archie was a wee little Munn, his mother taught him to play piano, and it was something he really loved doing until his relationship with her got stained by family drama. Now he barely plays anymore, but he thinks of her on the rare moments when he finds the desire to play, and it is during one of those moments that he meets Natália.
I know this thread has only one reply, but from my perspective I considered it important since playing piano is something Archie used to love but lost because of issues within the ‘ever-perfect’ Munn family.

’Blood is thicker than water’ Arc
There’s nothing more important to a Munn than being a Munn, and to Archie, there’s no Munn more important than his brother. This arc explores the relationship between Archie and Athelstan, and how there’s little he wouldn’t do to ensure his brother’s safety and happiness despite how contrasting their behaviors and opinions about things often may be. Aside from that, there’s mentions of the Munn family traditions and how important these things are to the brothers.

{Pensive} How the moon crashed down when the sun was set ft. Athelstan Munn
Once upon a time, about seven years into the past, the Munns were about to go on one of their usual hunting trips...until Athelstan decided to pet some cute hounds (to which he is allergic) and everything went terribly wrong. Here we explore Archie’s relationship with Athelstan when they were much younger and more innocent, all in the middle of the night while they try to figure out how in the world does an inhaler work.

Boy, I try to catch myself but I'm out of control ft. Athelstan Munn & Martín Marzán
Athelstan and Martín are out to party and once again, there is disaster. They fall down the the stairs and Athelstan breaks his leg, leading him to message Archie for help despite the late hours. There’s only two posts from Archie’s perspective in this thread, but I feel like it really shows how much he deeply cares about Athelstan and how there’s little he won’t do out of concern for his younger brother.

Rouyr shiar as rouyr sheear ft. Athelstan Munn [Completed]
Drive into some of the many traditions of the Munn family as Archie and Athelstan travel to the Isle of Man on the eve of Beltane. There, they meet their uncle and cousin to get traditional woad tattoos in Ogham writing, and of course, their tattoo choice are each other’s names. This thread explores a bit about the druid past of the Munn family, and how old traditions often meet more modern customs.

’Strawberry Pancakes’ Arc
The dreaded engagement arc. Join Archie and Kala in the wonderful experience that is being pureblood children and having their marriage arranged by their parents. There’s feelings of betrayal, there’s awkwardness and there’s panic. This arc contrasts with the previous one in the fact that Archie really begins to questions his views on the Munn family and if their expectations are more important than his own happiness. He feels lost and betrayed, and most importantly, that childish and idealistic view he had of his father begins to devolved into something else. He begins to wonder who he can truly trust, and who truly cares for his happiness among those who are close.

Is there a right way for how this goes? ft. Kala Faraji [Completed]
(This thread was moved but it takes place aboard the Hogwarts Express)
What was meant to be a lovely early Summer brunch at Munn Manor turned into disaster when the Faraji were invited and Archie’s engagement to Kala was announced. There was no scandal, of course not, but the train ride back to Hogwarts resulted to be particularly awkward for them both. This thread explores Archie’s confusion over his own disliking of his father’s decision, feelings of betrayal, and his fear of a future by the side of someone he doesn’t love.

Together we can fake our own deaths here ft. Njord Vikernes
When Archie returns to Hogwarts immediately after the announcement of his engagement, Archie panics while feeling lost and alone. Out of all people, he owls Njord for help, and they meet at the Hufflepuff Common Room. I feel like this thread further shows how important Njord is in Archie’s life and how much he trusts him, as well as displaying how affected he truly is by having his engagement arranged all of a sudden.

Too close to care, too blind to see ft. Athelstan Munn & Kala Faraji [Event Thread]
This is what I call: “Awkward Train Rides, Part 2: Attack of the Centaurs”. This time, Archie finds himself on the Hogwarts Express with Athelstan and Kala as they leave the castle for Summer. It’s a tense and stressful situation even before the train abruptly stops, and Archie finds himself thankful for the presence of his brother despite how it doesn’t make any of it any less awkward.

SPECIAL REQUEST
Ability: Animagus
Where will this ability apply? Hogwarts Era & Clash
What is your character's Animagi form? Irish Wolfhound (White)
Are there any known relatives with this ability? Who? Both his father and grandfather are registered Animagi. Learning the ability is one of the many traditions of the Munn family, and for this reason there have been multiple Animagus among them over generations.
Who was his or her mentor in this ability? Or who will be his or her mentor? A large part about becoming an Animagi in the Munn family is the fact that it should be done without much intervention from others, or much assistance, as it is considered a process of self-discovery and deeply tied to their Celtic traditions. Many members of the family have kept journals describing their experience through the process, most of them kept at Munn Manor’s library, and I would definitely like Archie’s father to have some involvement considering he will be the one asking his sons to learn the ability and how Archie’s opinion of his father is currently devolving. Athelstan will also have great involvement in the arc, not only because of how close the Munn brothers are, but because it's something they’re (hopefully) asked to do together, so I’m really looking forward to seeing how the stress of the process of trying to become Animagi plays in their relationship. Aside from that, I have also spoken to Kahlen about going to Moreena for assistance when he eventually gets impatient and feels like the process isn’t working. As an ex Auror and ex colleague with Archie’s grandfather, she has ties to the Munn family and is likely the one Animagus in Hogwarts he trusts the most to ask for help in such a matter -considering Archie is not one prone to ask for help to begin with. I would also like to involve his friends in the arc as much as possible, since it will take him a while to obtain the ability.

How will this ability benefit your character? Or how do you plan to use this ability for development? Basically, what I have planned is that considering becoming Animagi is something Albert Munn asks for his sons to do, Archie initially will not be all too pleased about it and fight the idea because of how much his opinion of his father has changed after his engagement was arranged. He used to idolize him and think his father could do no wrong, and now, as more and more things keep being demanded from him, his opinion is slowly devolving and he finally begins to question if all these Munn expectations are more important than his own happiness. He still wants to please him, and he knows that regardless if its a ‘request’ he really does not have much opinion on the matter, so he sees himself forced to agree. Archie is not someone who is fond of Transfiguration, or really good at it for that matter, so a part of me really looks forward to seeing him struggle with that aspect since in general he tries to be good at all things he does and is terrified of failure. And initially he will fail, as at first he lacks the motivation, understanding or commitment to actually be successful in the process of becoming an Animagi.

As I said before, for the Munn family becoming Animagi is a process of self discovery, and through his own failure and his interactions with others regarding the matter, I would like Archie to begin to find his own reasons to want to become an Animagus, and for it to be something he wants to do for himself and not for his family. As someone who has always put his family first throughout his whole life, I feel like finally doing something for himself is something that would be really good for Archie, even if ultimately it does go along with his father’s wishes, as he has never been one for big acts of rebellion and in no way does this mean he stopped caring about the Munn family or being a heir. Tradition is a great focus in his life, not because it was forced onto him but because there are things he genuinely loves about being a Munn, so I really do believe that becoming an Animagi would also help him be more in touch with those things.

Anything Else? I mentioned this before but I would really like to involve druid tradition in the whole process of being an Animagi when it comes to the Munns, because druidism has always been deeply associated with shapeshifting - so, to me, it makes sense that such things are related. This is also justified by Potterverse as the only druid who comes to be mentioned in the one of book and later in the games was actually an Animagi (Cliodna), but given that there is not much information regarding what is canon for druidism, most of it would be based on my own knowledge on the matter, speculation and research. I have put a lot of work into the Munn family and how they mix their own celtic tradition with other aspects of magic and the advancements of times, and this aspect of them is something I’m really excited to further explore as I write Archie.

As for my choice for Archie’s Animagi form, I would like to point out that I had decided on his patronus being a Wolfhound since long before I even considered an Animagus Special Request. My reasons for it is that these hounds are known to be really loyal and patient creatures, which I believe really fits Archie as a character - along with how protective he is about his family, specially about his brother. Furthermore, hounds themselves have always had a relevance in his life despite the fact that the Munn children were never allowed to have pets, but he always looked forward to seeing the ones owned by his grandparents whenever they visited. My choice, once again, also has to do a lot with Celtic tradition, as hounds are considered to be guardians and sacred animals to the Celts, and his beliefs are something which are really important to Archie. People who identify under the sign of the hound are recognized to have an impeccable character and be honourable, which are both qualities he seeks, and this goes along with the mythological aspect of the animal’s relevance as it is one that often appears in their myths. I have mentioned this in his threads, but one of the deities which is most respected by Archie is Lugh (God of light and justice), who himself had a hound, and the choice of white fur would be because of the Hounds of Annwn, who were Otherworld creatures which hunted down wrongdoers, something that eventually could be linked to his desire to become an Auror and how it will have happened by Clash time. Also, as for marking in his Animagi form, I considered going with grey eyes and darker (almost blueish) fur in the back of his front left-side leg - because of the woad tattoo which is incredibly important to him.

Truthfully, this is something I also want because really want to see how it challenges me as a writer giving things like how heightened a canine’s senses are compared to those of a human, their primary reliance on olfaction and how different their vision is from ours (things like a wider degree peripheral vision and being more sensitive to motion at distance). Plus, the fact that Animagi thoughts and feelings are much simpler and “instinctive” in their animal form, and I find this to be something very interesting to explore for both my writing and Archie himself as a character.


Commentary: I know I only ranked Archie to Beginner a month ago, but feel like a lot of progress has happened and that’s why decided to rank him again before his arcs develop any further. He’s very different from all of my other characters, and I enjoy writing him a lot, specially because of how much time I have put into planning into everything about the Munn family and their traditions. In regard of my previous reviews, I tried to follow the advice which was given, and I feel like this time the threads actually show how hesitant Archie actually is about many things and how he questions aspects about his life and his family (since that was a point Jinx mentioned regarding my style for his writing. Of course, these are not the only arcs I have planned for him, but the future ones are to develop from the current ones, and there will be a lot regarding Archie’s feelings for his family and the contrast with trying to seek his own happiness - especially when it comes to romantic attachments. Honestly, I feel like the threads and the special ability request speak from themselves, so I won't make more comments on those matters, though I would like to point out that if it feels strange that in the threads I often refer to him as ‘Archie’ instead of ‘Archibald’, this is due to his own feelings regarding his name - as it is mentioned in a couple of the threads. As always, any kind of positive feedback is more than welcome, thank you in advance. <3

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This cute pixel and avatar were made by Evan ❤ Thank you so much!
Bolt · 17 · 6th · · Halfblood · 6'2"
Hufflepuff Advanced
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Jun 24 2017, 01:33 AM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

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Here Duke! G'boy!

Workshop / Extra Info
Tine · 16 · 6th · neutral · Pureblood · 5'7
Banned
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764
4330
Awards:
Awards: 89

Jul 2 2017, 06:28 AM   Link Quote
Hello Stells, you know who I am - or so I hope - and I am going to be your first reviewer for Novice today. This is actually the first time I get to review Archibald so I’m happy. Anyway, here are the requirements:

QUOTE
At least 9 posts by your character over 3 threads.Some variation in who you're posting with (ie. threads should not all be with the same character).The beginnings of a long-term plot arc, or at least an idea of where you would like to see your character move towards.A special request (if you'd like one) and your justification for the request. Make sure to highlight any changes you have made between Beginner and now.At Novice, we are focused on consistency in character and writing.  At this stage, we will take a break from your profile, and look solely at your character’s threads and plots, with a focus on your character as they have now had time to interact with others. Having had time to develop your character, you should be comfortable writing some common situations they find themselves in. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation should also be consistently correct at this stage, if not always perfect.


This looks fine! I’m going through your threads arc by arc and let you know where I drew quotes from when I am using them, just so you know how I am going to proceed in this. Alright, here we go now! :3

First of all we have the miscellaneous threads here which is always nice to see. I really like how stunned Archibald is by the sudden touch coming from Njord, and how you describe all these physical reactions: the blush of his cheeks and the moment of being shocked by what is happening before he actually relaxes - even though that is for slackers.

QUOTE (Read me the last rites)
Lips pressed together, gaze wandering over the room for a second, as if looking for something to distract him. Soon, it found the fireplace, watching the scattered ashes as sunlight danced on them, as if the most delightful of analogies. Not like Archibald Munn would ever compare himself to something as filthy as ashes.


This is such a nice way of involving the environment, because as someone who threads a lot with you, I always admire how your environmental descriptions seem to come straight from your character and therefore appear very naturally in my opinion. It also ties in the way you you are using metaphors, and in Archie’s case I love the nature motifs of treetops in a breeze, because linking this back to the Munn heritage and their roots, it seems to be a very fitting theme for him. There are already these glimpses of his history and the burden he carries coming through, which I find very enjoyable at Novice, because I always think it shows that you have a good grasp on your character if you can convey these things through posts without the additional lecture of the profile that is not required at this stage of ranking.

Today was actually the first time I read the Music makes us free thread with Natália, and I think it has been a good choice for ranking because there is something incredibly fragile about Archibald in this single post? I am not going to pull the I wish that would have been longer card on you because you and me both know that it is not always in our hands to continue a thread in a timely manner, but for the future I would love to see the more vulnerable side of Archibald more often. In the previous thread with Njord he had to be strong despite letting down his guard, while here, he seems to be a lot more younger. Jinx mentioned the way you used triggers to link back to childhood memories in your Beginner ranking already, and I applaud you here for doing the same, because I enjoy how the piano is linked to his childhood memories as well as to recent happenings, and how his attitude towards the instrument might have changed while he still experiences the same. I want more piano!Archie, give it to me xD

Blood is thicker than water
The easy part about this review is clearly that we are sharing this arc, but I am still reading through all of these once more. I really like pensieve threads in ranking, because I enjoy the discrepancy between the younger versions of the characters and their current selfs, and in my opinion, it shows a lot of development. I also love that you continued the arc towards his family, because even in the threads I spoke about above, his family always seems to be with him because the Munn heritage weighs so heavily, so it most definitely makes sense to turn it into an arc.

Even baby!Archie talks a bit like he swallowed a dictionary, and I think this is just a good sign of staying true to your character? He sounds a lot younger because of the sleepy state he is in, but still I can say ah yes, this is Archibald. How differently and individual your characters are actually shows in Boy, I try to catch myself but I’m out of control, because we have Martín and Archibald in one thread, and it really shows how your voices and wordings for them differ. I like the internal dialogue of Archie while rushing to save Stan, and how he focuses on his brother only despite Martín’s annoying presence.

The Mann thread was definitely my personal favourite, and I think the amount of research you put into this is already remarkable. It also shows how Archibald is more relaxed around his actual family members, and how he seems to feel a lot more connected to his roots when he is with them - almost like being the heir is less of a burden when he is surrounded by those who actually understand? I don’t know if you did this on purpose or if it just came naturally, but I think it is really obvious that he seems less out of everything when being with his family. I am not saying Archibald does not fit in with others, but there seems to be something about him that separates him from the rest by putting him up higher, and this factor disappears with Aisley and Athelstan.

What can I say for the future? Keep doing what you do, keep feeding us all these myths and the childhood memories. Here is an example of how I just feel that the motifs and the myths you use just come really naturally, and when I read your posts, I always feel a little smarter than before, which is really awesome.

QUOTE (Rouyr shiar as rouyr sheear )
As a child, he had been taught the Ogham alphabet, how every letter represented a sacred tree, and how every tree had its meaning and purpose, and he remembered them as he tried to distract himself from the pain brought by the needle. First there was ‘A’, Fir, the tree of high views, the one of vision of what is beyond and yet to come. ‘T’, Holly, the tree of protection, of prophesy, of healing and, of death and rebirth. ‘H’ ...he winced in silence once more, finally turning away from the tattoo in order to look at his brother and smile.


A little advice for the future: When you are introducing an NPC to your posts - and I am talking about Daireann Munn here - always make sure you actually explain who they are, otherwise the reader who is not as deep in the Munn family tree as I am can easily get confused by who tf you are currently talking about.

Strawberry Pancakes
QUOTE (Is there a right way for how this goes?)
Archie broke the silence once more, and he meant every word, his stare as calm as stillwater when he looked at the girl - never daring reveal the demons that lurked within those ponds.


I just wanted to leave this quote here because I feel like this metaphor you used is such a good description for Archibald throughout this whole thread, and I love how you are staying really true to your character by letting him stay all calm and composed while he is dying internally - and it only shows in the way his fingers dig into the seat and moments like this. Your metaphors also stay continuously fitting, such as as calm as the waters of Hogwarts’ Great Lake which matches the pond from the quote above as well as the overarchieving nature theme.

The panic attack broke my heart, just so you know. You have quite the talent to break the poor boy, but I also adore the contrast of him recoiling from Kala’s touch while he is clinging to Njord. You can guess what I am suggesting to continue this arc if you are looking forward to ranking higher: I want the conflict he feels even more, I want to see how it affects his every-day-life to know he is engaged and supposed to marry and procreate, and I want to see how it influences his other relationships. I would also like to encourage you to toss him at unfamiliar people - like Natália - more and watch him out of his comfort zone. His main point seems to be to come to terms with his heritage, and you can always drag more people in this. Is there an adult he would confide in or does that go against his pride? How is he going to cope with all of this?

You see I already slipped into the more general points and I do not have a lot to complain about. You offer your partners plenty to react to and your posts have an astounding length. The balance between what goes on in Archibald’s head and the environment is great. What could be tweaked is how he sees others - how does he see Kala when she is sitting with him, how do people look through Archie’s eyes. Does he judge them by more than just their name, or does he not care about such things? You do an amazing job at tying his personality and history in each of his posts, and I think my main suggestion point is to spread your plotting tentacles wider and continue these solid arcs you already have, because they both seem to go in the right direction.

And with this, we are already at your special request: Once more, the amount of research you have done here is amazing, and I think your justification aligns with the arcs you have started at this point. The animagus shape you chose also seems very fitting, and please excuse me while I imagine Archie with puppy ears, yes thank you. I like that you want to go through the whole struggle and how the task makes Archibald question what is actually asked of him - and the Celtic traditions that play in here are once more awesome and sure offer a lot more motifs for you to use. I like the idea of tying Moreena into this as an animagus outside of the Munn family as well, and I think you are good to go here.

Verdict: I have to agree with you that despite only a month having passed, you worked hard on Archie’s development and his arc-building. I am looking forward to see more of this in the future and I hope that I could offer you at least some advice in this, because I think you are really on a good point with him. And with that, I APPROVE you and @Archibald Munn for NOVICE and I also APPROVE your SPECIAL REQUEST. Congrats and good luck with your second review <3 If you have any questions, come find me.

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Ruthie · 15 · 5th · Viridian Guild · Muggleborn · 5'3
Slytherin Novice
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1095
747
Awards:
Awards: 60

Jul 6 2017, 07:37 PM   Link Quote
WHAT UP STELLS. It’s me, the yellow stain on your shirt you thought was mustard but you’re pretty certain ain’t no mustard smell like that, Ruthie! And I’m gonna be your second and final reviewer for the incorrigible Archibald Munn. I’ve never had the pleasure of threading with Archie, so I was excited to get to review him. x3 For this review, I’m gonna be focussing on his voice and characterization. And since Tine’s already smacked down them requirements, let’s jump right into it!

Starting with Read me the last rites (hey wow lookit that.. it’s the first thread xD) one of the things I really enjoyed the most about this thread was that it was, as you pointed out, his first.. if that makes any sense. xD But it feels like, right off the bad, you already had a strong hold on Archie and his characterization. When he speaks, you can imagine what he sounds like, and he definitely stands out distinctively from your other characters. I think this also worked well as an introduction to him, with some tasty little nuggets on the Munn’s family background against the contrast of his friendship with Njord. So, my hat’s off to you there!

Now it’s quote droppin’ time.

QUOTE
Physical contact was also something that Archibald didn’t give easily, ever since he was a child he had been against most people touching him, frowning and slapping hands away out of mere instinct. He couldn’t really explain why, but those were the walls he built to distance himself from others.


I always find these sort of quirks and aspects of a character to be the most interesting. Plus, because of this, we can see just how comfortable and close Archie is with Njord, as he’s more easily able to submit to his touch, which is lovely. I did notice throughout this thread that at times it seemed to waver just a bit, so I’d recommend just trying to keep with its consistency. Like, I loved the part with Njord giving Archie a casual back rub, and how even though he enjoyed the show of affection it still made him feel kinda squeamish and even a bit embarrassed. i mean.. that was adorable and I squeed for a million years. It definitely displayed that, even though he and Njord are really close friends, this still isn’t something that’s completely normal between the two of them. However, as the thread continues, the touching becomes much more intimate, hugging, hair stroking and lightly tracing on the other boy’s back. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very touching, and these two together are all kinds hnnnngggggggg ;_; and I can’t wait to see more of them. But it did leave me kind of wondering.. at this point in time, are they this familiar with each other, as the latter would suggest, or not, as the former would? I fully get the idea that, out of everyone, Njord has special privileges with Archie basically no one outside of his family would, but it felt like it just kind of jumped the gun there and I think it would’ve been nice to see a bit more build up and explanation. It may seem something minor and trivial, but when you dig deeply into a character’s neurosis, it really brings a lot out of them!

Like, I’m really just a sucker for closed off, guarded characters, so things like this really appeal to me and would 10/10 recommend exploring even further!

Okay! So I’ma drop right into the Blood is Thicker than Water arc, or as I have dubbed it, The Super Munn Bros (starring Archie as Mario.. clearly) AND I’M ALREADY SCREAMING BC THERE’S ANOTHER PENSIVE THREAD.

I love you guys for these doing these things so much. xDD

QUOTE
Once all of that had been done, Arthur Munn had promised everything would be alright, and the boy had believed him, because by the short age of ten he had never had a single reason to doubt anything his elders ever said.


I luuuuuurved this. It really displays that blind faith children have in their parents, or grandparent in this situation. A faith that many, such as we’re about to see from Archie, grow out of, but I adore how you can still look at this situation through ten year old Archie’s eyes. I also agree with Tine that you kept true to his voice throughout this thread, and I think it’s remarkable that you could do so while also keeping true to a ten year old’s voice. I don’t think I could do that tbh, so bravo! One of the things I really enjoyed about this thread is, at the risk of stating the extremely obvious, it gives us a glimpse into the Munn brothers lives to gain a better understanding of their relationship as teenagers.

QUOTE
It was not Elliot. Nor any of his roommates. It was an enchanted paper jet. And Archibald was familiar enough with the spell and the style to know exactly who had sent it before even opening the damn thing.


So, I loved how much this contrasted with them as wee bairns. And, it’s the cutest damn thing that, no matter how much of an idiot jerk his bro is, Archie’s willing to do just about anything for him, BUT! What I’m wondering is.. will there ever be a point where things go too far? We’ve seen that there is a lot of things Stan can get away with, drinking to the point of breaking his leg in the middle of the night and sending annoying paper plane letters to wake his brother up to rescue him, but would there ever be a point that Archie just says enough? I’m not sure if this is something the two of you have planned, but I personally thrive off conflict, especially when it comes from a character yours is closest with. I find it does a lot for personal growth, though that’s really my opinion more than anything. Obviously, this is just a suggestion, and I’m not trying to throw a wrench into any arcs you have planned, but maybe something to consider!

Well, it’s good thing I’m such a fan of conflict, because now we’re moving onto strawberry pancakes! xDD

QUOTE
Yet, whenever he thought about it, Archie always came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to have a future like that of his parents, or at least not the part with the horrible arranged marriage full of lies and hatred. Too bad he wouldn’t get much of a choice in the matter anyways. Too bad he knew it was one of those things which were necessary for the sake of his family. Too bad his parents had had the amazing idea of getting him engaged to Kala Faraji.


Yesssss, now we’ve set the scene! I’m putting this quote here, because this really pulled me into the thread and the arc as a whole. I love the progression of the too bad’s until it reaches it’s final blow. The dreaded fiancee. Alright. You’ve got me hook, line and sinker.. and I’m ready to party.

Overall, I have to say, this was probably my favourite arc to read out of everything. You did a marvellous job breaking Archie, Stells. xD and we do so love our broken bbies. I really enjoyed how in Is there a right way for how this goes? Kala and him are almost having this, like.. mundane conversation to distract from their current, gut wrenching scenario. With this, I’m gonna echo something Tine mentioned, in that, moving forward, I’d like to see Archie dragged a bit more into the present, in how he views people, and just everything around him. You’ve clearly got an exceptionally strong grasp on his past and family history. You’ve put a lot of time, effort and research into it, and it really shows. I love the way you’re able to tie in these tidbits of his past into the situations he’s thrown into, and this is actually a true talent of yours I’ve noticed and someday I’m gonna leech onto your brain and try to suck it out for myself. These things are integral to Archie’s character, much like Greco/Roman mythology references are important to Mars, and I think, for the most part, you’re bang on the right track there in terms of how he’s portrayed. However, at times it can be just a little repetitive, and I’d suggest to maybe re-read previous posts to see which points you’ve hit in a thread thus far so as to not overly rehash certain things. But most importantly, I just wanna see a bit more of the presence through Archie’s eyes. I wanna know what he really thinks about Kala. I wanna know why Archie’s so close with Njord, despite their star-crossed situation. That being said, I think you do an excellent job in portraying how he feels about them through his actions which, again, is another wonderful talent of yours, so this is something that I know you could easily tie into that.

QUOTE
’Hey’ was a terrible word with which to start a message, a word avoided by the likes of Archibald Munn, one all too informal and unrefined, and yet the only word which had seemed to be fitting when writing an owl to Njord on that Saturday afternoon.


Again, this is just something I’m plopping down because I simply adored it. x3 It’s just something so simple, the fact that Archie used the word hey, and in that seemingly innocuous statement, you portrayed the kind of turmoil he was going through. Just like that. These are the kind of things I love reading, and you have such a knack for taking little moments like these to really show your characters instead of outright telling us. And that’s a true talent.

Okay, so for my last piece of advice, I am gonna pull a piece of paper out of the ye olde review textbook and suggest trying to vary the characters Archie interacts with, and the people you post with. You and Tine have great chemistry together, and I’m excited to see the arcs the two of you have planned. Obviously, I have nothing but encouragement to give you going forward there, but I think it’d beneficial to branch Archie out a bit further. How does he deal with authority figures? What about those of a “lesser” blood status? Overall, you’ve really shaken up Archie and taken him far out of his comfort zone, which is amazing. But there’s still always room for variety and a plethora of situations left to explore that could really aid in his character growth. And Archie’s such a delightfully stuffy character that I can only imagine we’ll have a good time along the way.. well.. except for Archie, maybe. xDD

NOW WE’RE FINALLY AT THE BEST PART. The special request. Okay, well I actually don’t have much to say about this except that I’m terribly excited to see where you’re planning on taking this. You’ve really done your research here, and you’ve shown a lot of preparation in terms of plot/arc planning with it as well. I also love how you’ve included the negative aspects of his training, in how failure is going to effect Archie, and the thought you’ve put into including other characters. I literally have.. no suggestions for you here. xD I think you’ve basically hit the nail right on the head.

So yeah, in case it wasn’t frighteningly obvious, I APPROVE @Archibald Munn for NOVICE and I approve his special request. SO CONGRATS STELLS! You’ve obviously put a lot of work into this, and I’m looking forward to see what you’ve got in store for us next. x3 As always, if you have any questions, I’m just a Skype away!

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ty evan for the adorable pixels! <333
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