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 [ aimless ], mattias / akkey <3
Camilla Evergreen
&. a heart from hell 🔥
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Dec 15 2017, 10:14 AM   Link Quote
The redhead scratched at the nape of her neck, casually watching the snowfall outside from her usual spot by the window in the teacher’s lounge. In her hand, she had a lighter and a slowly diminishing pack of her favorite cherry flavored cigarillos, her tongue swiping at her lips as she could already taste the hot smoke in her mouth. Noting a sound, the woman looked up, finding the newest Muggle Studies professor about. She hummed, tapping out a cigarillo and tossing the pack onto the table.

“Evenin’,” she said, greeting muffled slightly through the cigarillo between her lips. She looked back down as she lit it, index and middle finger hugging the sides of it as she took a drag and instantly felt a chill run down her back. She held the smoke in for a second, relishing in the faint burn and blew the smoke out of the corner of her lips, directing it through the window before turning upright again to face the man. “How’d your day go teaching? Anything exciting?” Camilla asked, folding one arm over her stomach, her other holding her cigarillo, a faint ember burning at its tip.

“How’re you settling in, by the way? My first was interesting. Though I had Da ‘round to show me the ropes I guess,” she admitted, remembering how nice those days were when she could spend her days with her father. He’d long since retired, leaving her in a career she wasn’t sure she was meant for, but it was hardly his fault if she continued to stay. No, the fault really remained with herself - a fact that had the woman only frustrated as she knew she could cure her uneasiness by simply leaving. But, then she’d need to find another job, and she wasn’t quite sure exactly what she wanted. She hardly wanted to go back to bartending, as pleasing as the vibes from that old piano bar had been.

She took another drag, a shorter, smaller one, releasing the smoke in a controlled blow as she walked over and sat on top of a table, a bit closer to her new colleague.

—————
@Mattias Chase

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Dec 16 2017, 02:21 AM   Link Quote
Lost in thought, Mattias hadn't noticed the lady who sat just a few ways from him. The man wasn't one blessed with observational skills - as much as he needed some. Not that it would matter much because whenever he wasn't home, he'd always carry his smartphone around with earphones stuck to his ears. Listening to music at random and passing by people without taking more than a second to look at them. His eyes would dart whichever way was away from people's faces or eyes. That was just how it was. It wasn't any different when he opened the door to the teacher's lounge after his first class. Saturated blue eyes quickly found and in turn, body slumped at an empty chair to contemplate on its owner's shit life choices. Not even registering that there was someone aside from him who was already there.

The only thing that made him realize the woman in the room was when she greeted him. It jolted the raven-haired professor, grabbing him from whichever inner world he was stuck in. Not long before the woman who he assumed was also a professor had started the conversation, Mattias' nose caught a scent of burning cherry, it lingered in his nostrils as it made its way to his lungs. Out of courtesy and not wanting to be rude because he didn't want to cause any trouble the man refrained from putting his hands towards his nose to block off the smell of smoke. He wasn't used to it, none in his family smoked, and he rarely went outside where people did.

"It was alright." He said in an almost hushed voice. "I'm not used to it."

Not once in Mattias' life had he taught anyone. Maybe in internet forums, where he did with indie game creators. That wasn't a very reliable source of experience. As he listened to what the woman had to say he felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach, 'Must be nice... having a parent show you around.' he thought. Mattias had a father and mother who just wanted him out of the house. Not that his parents knew how to teach, it's just that Mr. and Mrs. Chase weren't excited when Mattias told them he was to teach at Hogwarts. They were more relieved that their son who found no interest in his future was at least doing something with his life.

"I'd have my parents show me the ropes, but my father's a Metal-charmer and my mother's an Arithmancer." He chuckled, trying his best at small talk, 'And now their son's a shit, Professor.'

"Mattias Chase," he said as he stretched out his right hand for the woman to shake, "You are?"

~~~
@Camilla Evergreen
Camilla Evergreen
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Dec 16 2017, 10:31 AM   Link Quote
“Camilla Evergreen,” she answered, accepting his hand and giving it a firm, curt shake. She didn’t want the contact to linger for very long, her bones still gripping with the chill from the metal of her many rings, and from a touch of self consciousness thanks to a particularly annoying spot under the side of her thumb where a couple warts insisted on remaining despite the balms she continued to use daily since they first appeared. She’d always considered her hands rather rough for a woman, the trace of healing scars often along her palms and fingers, the warts she often suffered from appearing so soon after getting rid of the last bout, the callouses along her palms rigid and bumpy. Since changing subjects from the rough, laborious work of teaching Flying and, as a result, hosting Quidditch practices, Camilla had found her hands saved a little from the continued beatings they got. They were well on their way to healing, a little, but her hobbies with tinkering with just about anything with gears and springs would always keep her hands from being dainty and soft.

“I consider any day where I haven’t thrown myself out the window a success, so, congrats on surviving,” she commented dryly, the faint shadow of a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips the only indication of her sarcasm. “A metal-charmer and an arithmancer though - interesting. What made you want to pursue teaching?” She asked, tapping the end of her cigarillo and allowing the ashes to collect in a dish she slid closer to her from the table she sat on.

“Are you... American? Your accent,” the woman added, a faint blush on her cheeks as she wasn’t sure if her guess was correct or not. “Bit of a long way from home, if you are.” Not that she pitied him or was judging. In reality, the redhead could admire his courage to leave his former home. It was something she almost wished she would have done before she got wrapped up at Hogwarts, slinking from subject to subject without finding any real proof that she belonged where she was. But it’d been hard to picture packing up and leaving the country; even considering going to the next town over seemed like a step she wouldn’t have been able to take those years ago.

But maybe life was about discomfort. Maybe she was supposed to spend her days riddled with hives, heart suffocating from the pressures of day-to-day life in a demanding job, the pleasures of life only rewarded after a rigorous day of work. Maybe shaking up her entire world was exactly what she needed in order to finally grow up and find what she could be passionate about doing until she was brittle and old, and could no longer stand the strain of staying awake anymore.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking, and the redhead was simply destined to forever feel like she could do nothing right; like she had no where she belonged.

She laughed suddenly - a breathy, hollowed laugh rid of any sense of joy or amusement - tucking a side of her hair behind her ear as she shook her head and closed her eyes. Another drag of her cigarillo, the woman smiled again, smoke blowing through her teeth as she opened her eyes again and met the man’s gaze. “You came at such a colorful time. The holidays are quite lovely here. The feast will be delicious, if you choose to go,” she said, ignoring the sullen look that had overtaken her a moment ago.

———————
@Mattias Chase

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Dec 18 2017, 12:56 PM   Link Quote
The new Professor accepted the hand, hoping that his handshake wasn't too awkward. Only when he had hold of the other Professor's hand did he notice the texture. Again, the Muggle Studies Professor wasn't one with great observational skills, but at least he was curt enough to notice what his hands felt. Because compared to Camilla's, Mattias' hands were quite dainty - aside from the large callous bump which settled onto the side of his middle finger's first joint. It was where his pen had been sitting every time he was writing or drawing traditionally. The only flaw that most people would point out, but to Mattias, it was one of the flaws that made him happy. Because the callous he developed also meant that he had worked hard on his writing and drawing capabilities. You see, the former Puckwudgie found much joy and intimacy in doing everything by hand. Without the aid of magic. Even when he was inside the house he had a hand in helping with the housework while his parents had gone off to work. Even with his wand readily available for him to use, the man found it a lot worthwhile and 'fun' in mundane rather than the magical. Maybe that was why he had little to no second thoughts about being able to teach about muggle life than his actual ability to do his job correctly.

Mattias never brought up the subject of her hands, though, he was talking to a woman. And as an introvert who's never had a lot of interactions with women other than his mother and two other women from his neighborhood, Mrs. Hart from across the street who often brought their corgis for him to draw whenever Mrs. Hart fancied, and Mrs. Callaghan who had triplets who dropped by every Saturday for tutoring. "I like kids," Mattias said bravely, without any pause. Well, until he realized how that small statement must have sounded. His face flushed, both hands immediately slapped onto his face. "I-I didn't mean it that way. I meant I tutored kids before and they're really fun to teach and uh, my dad mentioned the opening and uh, uh, I took it before I could even rationalize."

'I need to go back to my room.'

The raven-haired man stopped and shyly said, "Y-yeah, I'm American. Well half, but I lived in Baltimore, Maryland since I was born. Is my accent weird?" To be honest, Mattias was surprisingly happy to move very far. Even when he rarely went out of the house it wasn't like he had an attachment to it. Rather he was so used to being in front of a computer screen meeting so many people from other countries that he found himself more attached to those bonds than anything around him.

His father had spoiled him with technology that his father never had as a pureblood and his mother who felt so protective of her son that she often gave him curfews because she wasn't used to living in America. In addition to believing that their son was destined for greatness just because he excelled at an early age. Somehow Mattias' parents had brought him up to be someone who never knew what they wanted to be in the first place. And now that he knew what he was passionate about it was unfortunate, because the Chase's were expecting differently.

"It is. Very colorful." Mattias replied with a sullen look on his face with an equally sad tone, "It's my first year without my family. It feels a little dull and I'll possibly spend it in my quarters instead." He laughed, "Social gatherings aren't my thing." He finally felt uncomfortable talking, it didn't take him long but somehow he could see that Ms. Evergreen was equally as solemn in stature as he was.

"Are you spending the Christmas holiday here?"

~~~
@Camilla Evergreen
Camilla Evergreen
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Dec 19 2017, 12:03 PM   Link Quote
Camilla smirked, a small laugh peeking for a fading moment through her lips. She decided to be kind after his comment about liking kids, her own inherit shyness starting to trickle through the soothing burn of her cigarillo, slowly washing its calming effect on her. Instead, she simply sighed softly, taking a quick drag before expelling the smoke behind her, head turned to keep the smoke from blowing into the man’s face as he spoke. She tapped the ashes from it once more, holding it above the dish for the moment as she debated putting it out. The witch had realized she’d selfishly been smoking without asking if her colleague minded - not that she had intended to smoke right in front of him, anyway. Usually, Camilla kept to her favorite window, practically half-hung out of it to keep the smoke from entering the room.

She rolled her neck, meeting Mattias’ gaze as he mentioned his accent. “Well, it’s notably different, but I wouldn’t say it was weird, no,” she replied with a brief attempt at a comforting smile. Truthfully, the woman didn’t mind most accents. She didn’t particularly love any, either, but couldn’t loath some like others could. Camila only ever fell for the voice of specific people; the lilt, the developed rise and fall, the subtle and obvious trills and phrases that pointed both obscurely and quite clearly to where a person grew up - those were all adored on a personal, intimate level, hardly applied to some vast majority that the redhead could keep no attachment to.

She liked Jeremiah’s voice quite distinctly. It was humbling and warm, deep and melodic, and had the incredible ability to send a chill down her spine, and tickle like warm kisses along her skin. It was one, to her greatest sorrow, that she hadn’t heard in what felt like a thousand lifetimes. There was a void where the simple sound of a hello could have filled, scarred eternally by the last goodbye he’d ever given her.

The memory of him came rushing all at once, and her gaze shifted instantly down, lingering on the grainy stone that she knew too well by now from years of keeping her head down, both when she had him around and she couldn’t bare to look him in the eye anymore from the fear of how much she felt when around him - how much she loved - and from the recent years she spent beset by her own insecurities, her own lack of confidence, and by the absurdly consuming idea that the reason he left was her.

Her vision blurred, the light of the fire nearby crackling in the fireplace dimmed, the color of her boots and Mattias’ shoes blending into one. She kept from blinking, hoping somehow that the threat of hot tears would evaporate from her will alone. In reality, it only kept her still as stone, frozen with a pinch of red along her nose and the saddest blush stained on her cheeks.

“Yes, I’ll be here. I’m always here,” she replied quietly, strained lips pulling into a weak smile as the delicacy of her words triggered a stray tear to fall. Quickly, she wiped the back of her hand against her cheek, sniffling as she did her best to dry her eyes. “Social gatherings are tolerable with a bit of liquor. I won’t blame you if you decide to be alone, though. The more I think about it myself, the more I’m considering staying in my quarters as well.” She said, sliding herself off the table and turning her back to the man.

Clearing her throat, Camilla tapped the end of her cigarillo in the dish, dousing the embers out and walking back to her window sill. Beside it sat a bin filled with crumpled notes and discarded letters. With a flick of her fingers, the cigarillo shot into the bin, partially unused and wholly undesired anymore.

“You should sneak some roast if you don’t come to eat with the rest of the faculty. It’s my favorite that the elves make,” she commented, mouth salivating a little even as she didn’t particularly mind the words coming out of her mouth. It was instinct, she supposed, her carnivorous soul unable to withhold a reaction when something so delicious came to mind.

———
@Mattias Chase

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Dec 28 2017, 11:28 AM   Link Quote
"That's good for a second there I thought it must've been something bad around here." Mattias spewed the words nervously as if trying to catch each like a ball bouncing off his hands as he fumbled. The smell of smoke clear in the room as the woman spoke. The American wasn't bothered by it but more felt uncomfortable if exposed for far too long. Any form of smoke was bad for Mr. Chase. His mother had asthma. Albeit not having the same problem, Mattias was allergic to smoke.
Although knowing the lad he would never attempt to tell Miss Evergreen about his comfort level. He would much rather sit in silence even when someone smoked in front of him. That's just who Mattias was. One who never really had the guts to argue with people and would rather deal with it now and get over it later. The icy blue-eyed man feared that if he pointed out something to another that made him uncomfortable he'd beat himself up about it later.

Anxiety was a bitch. Though, Mattias was Anxiety's bitch.

The sound of Camilla's voice, however, stopped Mattias from continuing his dark descent into his train of thought. Hearing her words about being alone during the holidays. How many holidays has the boy been alone inside his room during the festive season? If it weren't for Mrs. Chase's efforts in calling him over for the gatherings the man wouldn't have gotten himself dressed up for occasions.

Mattias hated family gatherings. It was always the same. His relatives would ask how the job hunt's been or asking if there's even a job hunt at all. Five years of that made Mattias crazy with how he wanted to break plates or glasses in front of his relatives. Of course, he wouldn't, Mattias was too shy, too avoidant of conflict. Instead, he would rather smile and tell them, 'I've not found one yet, but I'm thinking of taking some part-time jobs while I'm looking.'.

Again, the urge to think about something wrong in his life stirred him. And much like the last instance, Camilla's simple statements that were a little bit out of place even if they were in the same context, snapped Mattias out of his own thoughts.

An idle mind is the devil's workplace if Mattias could phrase that out himself.

"Roast sounds nice." Mattias agreed. He was more of a vegetable person, more buttered or steamed with a simple salt and pepper seasoning. Though, stir-fried was a definite favorite out of the first two.

"I haven't exactly met a lot of colleagues so I might just grab some food and stay in my room. But... I think I'll stay and watch over the dinner." He paused, and his face turned bright red again, "N-not in a stalker-ish kinda way I'm just, uh. I just don't have anything else to do and uh, I don't want to be alone with my thoughts."

~~~
@Camilla Evergreen
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Jan 4 2018, 12:07 PM   Link Quote
Biting her lip, the woman squinted, eyes flashing for a moment as she thought she’d seen a large bird flying in the distance. It must have been a trick of her eye, with no trace of it being seen even as she scanned the horizon. She shrugged it off, at least happy for the partial distraction from her own meddling thoughts as her new colleague wasn’t much for words or distraction himself. It was almost funny to think the man was even more reserved than herself, though she supposed her own shyness hadn’t completely died. It still showed up now and again, creeping along like a shadowy friend she couldn’t shake off.

Looking down at her shoes, Camilla turned back to face the man, her brow curiously quirked as he stumbled through his response. She allowed his words to settle in the air, a heavy sense of awkwardness landing as the silence and her staring seemed endless. Stoic and stern, it was hard to tell what exactly ran through the woman’s mind. But, internally, the redhead couldn’t help but want to laugh.

Hardly in her presence for long and already the man stammered. It seemed more like he struggled out of his own issue, but the redhead relished in the idea that he felt intimidated by her. She enjoyed power in any small form, regardless of whether or not she could use it to her benefit. Really, the former badger just liked the idea that people feared her. It was a bit like being disfigured or monstrous with a heart of gold. She knew she’d never do anything purposefully to harm anyone. But it was amusing to see others even consider that she might.

“First the comment about liking kids, and now you’re ‘not a stalker,’” she air quoted, heels clacking against the ground hard as she took bold steps toward the man. Her brow furrowed intensely as she crept closer, eyes glinting with an almost accusing shine as she looked dead into the eyes of her colleague. “I’m beginning to think I may need to report you,” she said, hovering over the man, unflinching as she continued to stare. “Or maybe I need to deal with you myself...” She hissed, fingers rigid as she placed them on either hip, tauntingly bringing one to rest against her chin as if she contemplated something drastic. “You came here willingly, right? I mean, you chose to. You hadn’t fled from something, hm?”

—————
@Mattias Chase

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Jan 4 2018, 04:22 PM   Link Quote
FUCK.

That was the word that ran through Mattias' head over and over like a broken record not only stuck but also on repeat. He did not mean to sound like a pedophile nor did he mean to seem like a criminal. Was it always like this whenever he went outside. Yes, maybe, sure. The Chase son remembered a time when he had a chance to see Sanrio Merchandise on sale. The anime nerd, knowing that the Sanrio Boys anime would air in the second half of the winter season, contemplated on buying for so long that he actually stood and stared at the display case containing a large Hello Kitty plush and a My Melody one just beside it. He loved both characters so it took him an hour of staring that a concerned mother found a man in his twenties, staring at a kid's toy that was meant for little girls, alarming.

He ended up buying Hello Kitty. And garnered strange looks at the toy store as he was almost jailed for looking like a potential predator.

Mattias wasn't. It just so happened that he liked things that most people would find creepy for a grown man. And his lack of self-confidence and how he stumbles with his words were seen as dishonesty whenever he was cornered. The same as he was now.

The Muggle Studies professor sank as far into the lounge's couch as he possibly can. Hoping that it would suck him in so he could disappear. This was the reason why he never wanted to come out of his house. Away from people who would think he was scum. He might get terminated if he was proven to be guilty despite being innocent. Like that one time when he forgot he had a packet of 'unpaid' mints on his hand and the security just as he stepped outside of the supermarket only for the officer to find out that he, in fact, had paid for it. And during that fiasco, he stuttered too much that he looked guilty.

Camilla was firing the questions sternly, the sound of the woman's voice accompanied by her stature made it so that Mattias was definitely rattled. She was asking the real questions.

Mattias Chase, with his broken speech and shaking hands that were calmed by his grasp on them clenching into each other as if they were to not touch again.

"I-I just wanted to get out of that house... I mean... I l-like it there because it's safe but every time I hear them say that I need a real job it wears me out. I chose to come here even though I hate being away from my friends on the internet is because I wanted to flee far away from people who think I'm a piece of shit that can't do anything right."

The truth came forth. The only thing that Mattias was good for was telling the truth even though it hit very hard with him. Even when he was uncomfortable doing so.

"I really don't want to work but I have to and I can... I just hate people... They assume a lot about you... just because you're this or that they expect so much and when you stop being what they expect you to be... they discard you or make you feel like shit about it. I hate home... but it's home..."

~~~
@Camilla Evergreen
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Feb 2 2018, 08:46 AM   Link Quote
The woman’s eyes grew wider as Mattias’ words continued to flood the room. Every quiver of his breath, every stammered syllable, and every nervous blink of his eyes were noted more severely than the last, his frenzied state both puzzling and embarrassing to witness. Camilla found herself blinking in disbelief, her shoulders relaxed, her stance retreated, the accusing wrinkles from before smoothed as she blanked mentally for a moment. Eventually, she realized she’d been holding her breath, her lungs momentarily paused as if she needed a mental reboot before she could function as normal. Words that held heavy truths continued to pour out of the man; truths that weren’t so foreign or unimaginable to the woman herself.

All at once, it made sense. How he lacked in conversation, how he seemed so fragile. He was nothing but a whisper; the presence he kept weighed less than the smoke from her cigarillos. But there was reason behind it, far sadder than she originally thought. He was broken in similar ways; had the same kind of ugly cracks in him that the woman had at one point in her life. Hell, that she still likely had lurking underneath all the black she suffocated herself in. But not even the cover of midnight could erase the damage done by well-meaning people. Her parents were similarly disgruntled with her a handful of years back, caught between a rock and a hard place; faced with the reality that their daughter still lived at home when they’d long since moved out at her age, and floundering in life, no idea on where to go or what to do.

The sting of disappointment never quite faded, she felt. Even as her parents were elated at her doing something beyond bartending or the odd job she used to manage, Camilla could still taste judgment in their eyes, even if it were only imaginary now. Memories were difficult to erase. Particularly once people were tainted with discomfort - she’d never forget how hallow or lonely she felt whenever her father used to sigh helplessly after she’d evade another serious discussion on what her plans were in life, or how pointless she used to feel when she’d catch her mother looking at her with such a distant, almost longing gaze, as if she were trying with alll her might to will something in her daughter’s favor.

Not that she wanted to think of her mother. Blinking once more, Camilla shook her head, a deepening red coloring her cheeks as she caught herself referring to Zahra as her mother. Technically, she supposed she was still. The woman was all she’d known in her life, really. But she’d yet to find herself able to forgive or forget the deception from both her parents - from her father and Zahra. She had the right in her mind; the right to know whether the woman who raised had been her biological mother or not. Whatever appearances showed or not, the redhead had genuinely believed she had come from Zahra.

But she didn’t want to delve into the messy web of that affair. No, Camilla felt rattled enough by Mattias’ words - by just their conversation alone, even, as much as a roller coaster as it had proven to be so far. She hardly wanted to get sucked into her own problems, not when she had a more pressing one on her hands.

Breathe.

“I’m. I’m sorry,” she said through stiff lips, as if she were a child too proud to give a genuine apology. Which, partly was true. A nastier, colder part of herself wanted to think a grown man could handle himself better, her compassion seemingly only reserved for anyone much younger than they were. But she reminded herself of his situation, remembered the similar woes and ways she’d felt - ways she occasionally continued to feel, at times.

The thought to offer comfort crossed her mind. It flashed for a second, this fleeting, almost blissful sense of optimism that seemed so in-tune with what she wanted to represent. But it escaped her; bled through her fingers like sand and fell to the harsh reality of life. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, this time more resolutely. “I didn’t mean to - upset. I was joking,” or trying to, she thought, though she kept that tucked under her tongue.

“Listen, it’s fine. You don’t need to go digging up everything for me, I get it. I’ve been there. Parents are great till they aren’t and don’t understand you anymore,” Camilla added, reaching up to rub at the back of her neck as she spoke, her other arm folded across her chest. “People are shitty. I was a bit of a shit, too. Still am, I guess.” Though she wasn’t entirely apologetic for that. The redhead had hardly grown up as a delicate flower, mindful of everything she said, did, and thought. No, Camilla didn’t even pretend to walk on eggshells or feign a gentle hand - she stomped and smashed most things in her way, and only apologized when she felt she’d genuinely done some sort of wrong. She just wasn’t that sort of person; couldn’t ever really figure out how to be soft.

“I’d say it gets better when you’re out here, but I don’t want to lie to you,” she said, clicking her heel on the ground in annoyance. “Life’s bullocks. You’ll either sink or swim through it. I’m just barely holding my head up above water most days. It’s the holiday season though,” Camilla moved her arms down, clasping her hands together in front of her as she stood upright again and met the man’s gaze. “We can’t be moping about in front of the students. So quit your fussing, buck up, and get happy for Christmas. It’s what I do every year,” she added, brow quirking, gaze stern.

@Mattias Chase

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